A Day In My Life

Wisdom Pearl #108 We often remember the rainbow  but forget it only comes after the rain -sj

though i feel separated from my soul you are still with me though my tears fall like a spring rain you offer me comfort through the season of mourning I travel you remind me of you In you is all of the mercy I need the peace I desire the calm I crave the reassurance I seek It is all in you you promised never to leave me and you have not you told me to be strong and of good courage it's hard for me right now I hear your whisper..Grace, your grace is sufficient for me Now I remember my strength -sj

Christ did I so I can be. That is a comforting thought. sj

Even though some days I wished I didn't live to see they are still good Even if I wish I could start a few of them over they are still good Even though you are no longer walking with me and I struggle to find the Sun the day, is still good It is the day that the Lord has made I choose to rejoice in it I push forward even though I don't want to The day will move no faster Even though I wish it would But it doesn't change that it is still good -sj

I have given you power from Me; that doesn't mean you won't suffer..it just means you won't lose! -GOD

I am, so that y ou can be and that is enough -GOD

Greetings Reader! As we are in full swing of the Season of Christ, many of you may be struggling to find a reason to be joyous. Some of you might be facing some very difficult issues, various challenges and struggles. Well you are not alone. Trust I have been having more moments in the last 2 weeks than I can remember having in a long time. We are approaching the end of the year and what should be an awesome time for celebration and remembrance is turning into a time of depression and overwhelming sadness. Personally I have buried more friends this year than I care to count. The last two hitting me especially hard. So much so that when I visited the local Penny's store, last Saturday,  I was a little taken a back by the amount of people that were at that mall. I remember thinking, what in the world is going on here? Must be a fire sale or something. Uhm no it's 2 weeks before Christmas and retailers are pulling out all of the stops to make it a profitable one. Oh..yeah I fo...

Cancer, Consider this your notice...The Lord is soon to return and you will be no more -sj

Death, Yours will be the only grave I dance on... -sj

With each of the stories I have just shared with you I would like to bring your attention to the commonalities of them both: 1. Both ladies are now deceased:  2. I knew and loved both of them 3. They affected me deeply just by the way they did what they did 4. They were beautiful! One the color of the sun and the other the warmest of pecan Their parting has left me open. Their abscence forces me to put into action what they have taught me. So it stands to reason that if I was being taught then someone had to do the teaching right? Death.  It is our final enemy. The Lord promises to deal with it when He returns. To destroy it. However, in the mean time I will not let it defeat me nor keep me down. It's lessons are painful but honest. Final and long lasting.  Death is a great reminder to walk thru this life with my hands open. Ready to give, ready to receive never clinging on to anything because what I own will not be taken with me. I am not speaking of tan...

Reader hopefully you have read the previous entry, 'Full Circles I', if not I strongly recommend that you complete that one first and then return to this one. This way you are able to keep up with my thoughts. Think of it as a pre-requisite. So far in this particular season of my life I have experienced the passing of my mother in love, Bernice Howard and a gentle friend, Stacey N. Dabney. Both of these women were extremely influential in the short time that I got to travel with them. Trust me when I say I am openly grieving, not at their loss, because that would imply that I don't know where they are, but our temporary separation. There have been other losses that I have experienced in 2015, all are met with the same disdain for death. Probably because I feel powerless, overwhelmed, insignificant and frail. I don't enjoy saying goodbye at anything let alone a soul that has been freed from its earthly confines. However, that is only a small portion of this piece. I ...

Stacey was so beautifully creative and socially conscience I just couldn't stand it! I was always so jealous (in a good way) of her gifts and her ability to connect with people. Did I mention the girl was as smart as a whip. She knew history and she was solid in her beliefs. She was gentle, classy and powerful. I remember working with her and wanting to be just like her, cool, calm and collected. Guarding her thoughts until the most opportune time. We were polar opposites. Everyone always knew what was on my mind. I controlled the atmosphere in a room and would change it to suit my liking. Not Ms. Dabney, she would adjust, learn and move on. She was awesome! I wish she had aspired to be a professor because anyone who loves the purest pursuit of knowledge, like she did, could gleam so much from her. When I heard she was diagnosed with cancer my thoughts were immediately shadowed with the worst. I shrugged it off and said no, not her. She is a survivor, a beautiful diva. It will be...

Rabbi, Sensie, Teacher, Instructor  those are not the titles that one would normally associate with the most notorious of our enemies, Death.   Matter of fact, Reader you may think I am totally off my mark by even attempting to use these words as synonyms for that destroyer. I wouldn't blame you; but humor me. Let's start by taking a better look at two of the titles we will be using Rabbi and Sensie: Rabbi: http://www.yourdictionary.com/rabbi JUDAISM  a scholar and teacher of the Jewish law; now, specif., an ordained Jew, usually the spiritual head of a congregation, qualified to decide questions of law and ritual and to perform marriages, supervise religious education, etc. SLANG  a sponsor; influential friend Rabbi is an honorable title which carries with it a huge weight of influence, hence the 2nd definition associated with the term. Sensie: a teacher or instructor usually of Japanese martial arts (as karate or judo)  http://beta.merriam-webste...

The worst sinners make the best saints! -sj

The Word of God cautions us not to add to it or take away from it. It is GOD Breathed therefore it is perfect. With that being said I just want to share what His word, more specifically this Psalms means to me. I will preface it by saying that many of you have been keeping up with my blogs and know that I have not hidden my struggle. We all face challenges and some seek to overtake us, some will leave us different and better still some will inspire us to do better. The only difference between a Christian and a non-believer is that we have The Living GOD right there beside us as we go thru it. He promises to never leave nor forsake us so..we fight on to live and to show His glory in our triumphs. Because without Him we could do nothing. All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works. 2 Timothy 3:16-17   KJV ...

What we fail to realize is that when we let someone into our spaces of power (mind, body) we allow them to have open access to us. Sex combines two bodies into one, forming not only a union but a portal that opens both ways. He shares with you and you with him. If he has crazy in him guess what you will pick up that crazy. If she has a demonic spirit residing in her the act of sex allows that spirit to have access into you. Don't believe me? Keep hanging on to something you should not have and continue to watch as your life unravel. How far are you going to travel down that hole, Alice? Too many of us have emerged scared and full of regret and constant reminders or blessings (children) from that situation. Premarital sex will cause one to conform to unfair treatment; horrible situations all because you have linked yourself to that person and are attached. There is no such thing as sex with no strings and one night stands leave you feeling just as empty as you were when you starte...

Did you ever wonder why God requires us to abstain from sex before marriage? I mean besides the obvious ills in our society..why did He say that we needed to sanctify (set aside for a purpose) ourselves committing to wait until we say our 'I do's'? Well I thought about it and I would like to share them (my thoughts) with you. Intimacy is a beautiful selfless act; it should only be shared between two people (a man and a woman) who are deeply committed to one another. Sex is one of the perks or highlights of being in a relationship with that person. It allows two people to communicate in a love language that only they understand. It is meant to re-affirm ties; draw them closer together, strengthen their bond and create life. Wouldn't it be interesting if we actually adhered to what the Word of God says about sex? The abortion debate would be a thing of the past because there are no more unwanted pregnancies; STD's would be almost unheard of because there would not...

Crazy is not normal Toxic is not healthy And marriage does not make the unequal .... equal -sj

Structure for sexual relations was given because our Creator, The Lord our God knew how powerful He made it. To bind together not produce bondage To create expressions of love Not to destroy them To strengthen and affirm Not to be redefined Perfect is its design It never needs to be anything else -sj Talking bout One Man for His One Woman It had to be said

Notes from Bishop: Remember Service is an extension of showing Me (GOD) thru acts of love; however it does not define who you are, I DO! -GOD

Wisdom Pearl #33 Don't Commit to Failure -sj

Sex is a soul-tie; it should not be taken lightly or engaged in thoughtlessly -sj

Wisdom Pearl #31 You are always teaching Good, Bad or Indifferent So be aware -sj

Wisdom Pearl #30 Public ministry starts by serving those closest to you in private Because, if you fail to live what you teach How effective can your ministry be to others When it isn't adhered to in your own household? Teachers beware -sj

Wisdom Pearl #17 It may be them But it is always you Never sacrifice your royalty For the petty satisfaction of being right -sj

Wisdom Pearl #13 If your goal is PEACE then it does not matter if you walk away from an argument Your peace was maintained - and so was your Victory -sj

Wisdom Pearl #7 Learn how to disagree without being offended Sometimes one must agree to disagree and part in peace -sj

Wisdom Pearl #18 Without love being right is just as bad as the wrong one is trying to correct -sj

Wisdom Pearl #5 One can't give correction without first receiving correction  themselves No one is exempt -sj

Who is your idle? Who do you look up to? Who do you want to be like when you grow up? Whose number are you wearing? Whose jersey do you have on? Whose sticker is on your car? Whose name is one your coffee mug? Whose symbol is on your purse? Whose picture is on your wall? What do you worship? Is your trust in the fragility of humans? Is your security and hope in flesh? Is your enjoyment 'inked' in or 'penciled'? Do they know your name? Can they speak Peace over you? Who can control your trial? Who can set boundaries that don't outlast your abilities? Who tore the veil for you? Who gets your enegy? Who has your attention? Who loves you enough to die for you? Who do you worship? -sj

Control is an illusion. It masks the true reason behind intentions and gives its owner a false sense of superiority. The Word says we all fall short...no exceptions -sj

An Unintended Consequence can neither be planned, controlled or expected. As it usually arrives with no forewarning. -sj

Unintended Consequences: Items or situations that materialize as a result of your actions or lack of action; not deliberate but not planned either. Completely outside of your realm of control. i.e. Sex before marriage: 1.pregnancy or 2 disease or 3. no call backs i.e. Purchase of a vehicle: 1. able to offer a ride to disabled stranger who is walking (under the unction of the Holy Ghost). 2. able to volunteer at children's activities 3. able to offer transportation so that others can participate in an event

Sometimes the very thing you need the most is right in front of you.. -sj

Salt…. What Do you hear Can you understand Thru all of this noise Pots are clanging Pans are banging All claiming to be the best Yet their flock is lost Confused Right is wrong and wrong is acceptable Sin covers their walls Festering Feeding Delusion But their is one who remains pure True to the calling To teach Preach and live the Gospel of Christ To her The Crown is worth The burden Her Salt will never lose Its Flavor Or its strength -sj

G reetings Readers! The other day I was at my gym participating in a Zumba class. It was awesome; the music, the energy, the atmosphere was full of life and excitement. The instructor had pep and sass to spare. It really was a wonderful class.  But what got my attention wasn't the vibe or the colorful work out gear. It was the people. The ladies were beautiful and overflowing with vigor. Some were my elders, some younger than I and some were my age. A plethora* of races were present: White, Black, Indian, Hispanic, Latino, and Oriental. They were short, tall, hippy, skinny, overweight, long haired, short haired, colored hair, and natural. Some had dimples others freckles. Some had age spots others did not. None of that mattered. There were no boundaries. We were simply a group of 20 (or more) woman gathered together to either lose weight, stay fit or a little bit of both. It was amazing. So much so I thought to myself look at all of this femininity! Each one of us tail...

https://youtu.be/XZIbOVLLTzU

When I didn't possess my degrees or teaching licence the hope of better opportunities drove me forward. Once those goals were met the expectation of an immediate pay out kept me pushing forward. Now the reality of the type of sacrifices necessary to procure and maintain any type of position has brought me to a halt. I am once again at an uncomfortable crossroad. It would take so much pressure off of Anthony if I could pitch in. I could feel like I was making a real contribution to our household. While still operating in some of my gifts. The issues that multi-taskers have. Reader you maybe thinking well what exactly is the problem? You know what works best for your house. Yes I do and that is mom being whole. Which is impossible when you are split in too many places. I don't trust myself really. I have a very dogged personality. It is either all or none. I have tried with very little success to manage 'me' and I have gotten better but still not quite there yet. I am...

Another year has passed by. One full of blessings and accomplishments. So full are my memories of  all the great things I was privileged to witness in this year of 2015. So why in the world am I feeling some type of way? It's simple really. For all of our gains we still have not been able to elevate our living style to the level of comfortable success. We had two trips this past summer! Two! We have not been able to travel, because of Nathan's health issues, for several years. We couldn't even afford to visit anywhere out of Virginia without help from family. Maybe its because my role hasn't changed.  I continue to be a full time homemaker. It's a hard job, but rewarding..did I mention it doesn't pay very well? There it is. We are eating well; rent is paid; we live in a very nice complex; the kids are in an awesome autism program. Nathan is adjusting to middle school like a champ. Myles is a soldier. Outside of the sniffles and a little coughing from the flu...

Coldness fills my being Fog enters into my mind I can't think My thoughts are thick with doubt  Of misgivings  Of despair I look out unto a vast land of waste Littered with past failures and mistakes My confidence Shrunken in a corner Lays almost lifeless on The ground I have been here before My enemy has not changed His form is still the same Whatever he chooses it to be Will I fight or give in Will I listen to the screams of un-sureness  So convincing is their wail So easy is their embrace I know where I am I have been in this place before My steps are weak My actions are desperate Stop, I tell myself In silence can be fear or Peace You choose This day This moment What will Reign -sj

Can you make a tree grow? No, you can only watch its progress Can you create fruit out of air No, you can only harvest it Can you ripen the apple? No, it will let you know when it is ready So why Eve do you choose without thought Or seek without knowledge Or fill a place with what should not be? Go back to your what you were made to love He will never leave you nor forsake you He is your Rock, Sword and Shield Only He has your Adam Trust without hesitation Love without reservation Wait with joy laced expectancy Let who You believe be your guide only the One who made the Two can Make an us -sj

Ignorance is Bliss Because Knowledge is sorrowful Let know one deceive you -sj

Thank God for giving you what you needed Not What you wanted  Not What you lusted after Not What you craved but What would make you stronger What would make you grow  What would drive you to Him What would sustain you What could love you What could learn you What could carry you What would move you forward What would make you refrain What would make you better What could and would stand beside you For better or worse For richer or poorer In Sickness and in Health Till death do you part -Sj

Don't give someone keys to your Garden...when they have not tended their own. -sj

If he doesn't pray Then how will he strengthen you? If he doesn't know God-love How will he love you? If he doesn't embrace himself How can he embrace you If love is shared but not managed How can you give him a title He has not earned? How can you give yourself And he has not proven His worth? Words are sweet But of little value Let his actions show his intent Pray Eve before you act Seek Daughter before you commit Watch Child before you decide Your future will be better for it Don't be blind to your Worth -sj

You never speak of it But I know it is on your mind So private are your thoughts So guarded are your feelings Then you squeeze my hand To remind me you are alive You sit in silence Thinking, Wondering what could have been Never asking The Why Always dealing with the Now I am jealous of your confidence God Speaks it is settled You encourage me I catch a gaze, not long quick as a blink but there was water in your eyes Your strength has been shown The yearning in your heart is the same as mine. We continue, as we have A little stronger A little wiser But we are still we You remember and love As only a Father can I am in love with you more and more for it -sj

What a difference a day makes... Not long ago I could not see any weight in my life My heart had slipped thru my grasp So helpless was I As his life passed through my hands I wanted the earth to open and cover me I didn't want to breath I was broken Angry Afraid More than a dozen times I have remembered him Annually, monthly, weekly But it gets better The pain of loss isn't as sharp as it was But I fear won't dull any more past this point I have grasped my strength I have remembered my joy I live, so he lives I love because it is a privilege to do so I will not forget because I am his Mother Until we meet forever, -sj In Remembrance of Elan Micheal Howard Buried on 9/11

Wisdom Pearl: Be Warned for when one seeks the friendship of wisdom, sorrow is an unintended companion. -sj

Another September 11th has come and gone. To some the day has little meaning. To others it marks a day of mourning, a time of remembrance and reflection. I guess for us who were alive and old enough to grasp what was going on it was our D-day. As I passed through the city and noted all of the American flags that were lowered in salute to the fallen souls, I was humbled and encouraged. Humbled because of the reality that life is so much bigger than one individual and there is so very little we control; because we really don't know how blessed we are to live in a country where we are free to work, worship and grow with little interference; How protected we are and have been from the rest of the evils that many countries have had to face; And lastly for the endurance of the human spirit recorded in text messages, voice mails or phone calls from the brave to their love ones. Encouraged because despite the horrific tragedy that took place on our soil, people came together. They he...

Dear Reader, If you have been following me for a while, then you know that the title of this piece is alarming at best and full of contradiction. I am on the side of GOD and as a Spirit filled Woman of Christ I support life at the moment of conception. Period. However, I felt the need to give this piece such an attention getting title. To every adult in my circle plus some. Especially adults who are sexually active, hopefully in a God-sanctioned marriage, but if not keep reading any way. After all Jesus came to save the world because it needed saving..put another way He knows our sins and chooses to give us His healing salvation despite our nature. Now on to the topic at hand... I AM PRO-CHOICE FOR LIFE... Recently I was on Facebook reading a friends post and comments regarding Planned Parenthood. She is a woman of Faith so it was no surprise when I agreed to all of her comments. However, curiosity got the best of me and I started reading other posts that were available un...

Warmth fills my soul as my nostrils breath in the  fragrance of the air Cinnamon Strong, unmistakable Unable to be hidden It perfumes my surrounding it covers my face as I enter doors familiar Strength pours into me  as I hear your voice Scents of vanilla and lemon  engulf my senses I am whole once again I am home Sugar, butter they both greet me Peace washes me over I am refreshed I am grounded  I am renewed -sj

So what my plates don't match; or We use a spoon as a fork.. we may Drink wine out of a cup but my Table, to you, is always open. So what my chairs creek?  big deal my floors are Scraped and just a Little worn but my Door, to you, is always open. Funny how a cake pan doubles as a Bread pan which Triples as a chicken basket it Is okay that it is mismatched so Am i But you Will experience no greater welcome this side of heaveN what is Mine is yours my Heart, to you, is always opened -sj

a mission of Grace  You called me on An assignment of Mercy You required i proteseted, i resisted, i fussed, i meandered i dulled my joy Correction came with Your Love daily my how strong it was. i yielded You Blessed i became supple You Strengthened  i made my anger subside You Washed me in Your PEACE i traded my defenses for laughter and comradre i came with the mind to fight an enemy You allowed me to leave with a friend i was wrapped up in hot dissapointment You showed my sin i repented my will is Your desire Thankfulness has surrounded me Only Praise forms on my tongue where there was confusion Love now resides A mission of Grace you assigned Compassion Your required Helped us all YOU did -sj

Deeper are your wrinkles Stronger is your grey.. But your smile remains familiar Surer are your steps Slower is your pace But strong your voice remains I run to sit at your feet gleaming knowledge, direction and comfort Like the wisest of mountains I look to you  You ground me  I appreciate you  Oh the days you have seen The things you have learned Challenges you have faced Your experience sits as a crown of strength on top your brow Your methods flow as a robe Long, royal, moving with the wind Radiant is God's Glow Its all over your face Your love is etched across my heart Respect, Honor and Thankfulness patterns my thoughts towards you. My desire is to be  To mine What you are to me Priceless Deep are your wrinkles  And so is your love -From your daughter, SJ

Our journey together was brief But memory of your warmth still makes me smile We didn't get to spend years forging memories We got a year to create a bond! Your wit was lovely, Your strength was amazing.. Even though you knew the end was near You fought your giant courageously Through your tears you taught us what Bravery truly means Your last week you ate as you lived, with vivaciousness No rules or limitations Your voice was color filled Full of rebellion & mischievous humor Reminding us of who you are So much so that when your body finally gave up the fight We saw only what you truly were Alive and full of All things good With celebration we welcomed your transition After all Death is only the beginning Rest well my friend -sj

Wisdom Pearl #110 Some people don't get to stay in your life long... Usually those are the ones that leave the most Lasting of Impressions.. -sj

6/23/15 Yesterday I lost a dear friend. She was dear to me not because of the length of time We knew each other But because of our struggle together I met her thru dialysis During one of my son's treatments Her family was warm and inviting We laughed, we cried She lost her battle but won the war.. Until we meet again Rest well my dear friend -sj

Brothers from all Mothers... May I ask a simple question? If a law was created that required all males from 15-25 to wear their pants below their waist as to expose their derrieres, behinds, underwear, butt cheeks, etc  as a sign of cultural submission...would you still think it was cool? Didn't think so. Wise up, Pull em up and Man up. -sj

The Beauty a Sunrise holds In all its Greatness With All of its Majestic Serenity Is but a Herald A Witness To the Greatness of The  One True &  Living God Who Created it -sj *Only a fool says in his heart there is no GOD ....

A Half Truth is Still A  Whole Lie -sj

A 1000 broken pieces will never make a smooth a mirror -sj

Sometimes I wonder if my Mom was a Psych major and just didn't tell anyone. How did I come to this conclusion? I am glad you asked. The other day I had a pretty bad melt down..I mean it was one of those moments that had me wondering who I was. I was angry and I cried alot. I locked myself in my room for several hours thinking a forced time-out was probably what I needed. Eventually I calmed myself, my husband convinced me to let him into the bedroom (after several hours) and I didn't take anymore calls that evening. Including any from my mom. The following day I was out running errands and my mom called and asked me if I was okay. I wasn't I confessed but I was able to function. She then proceeded with her regular Motherly advice and critiques and I thought to myself am I ever going to catch a break from this woman? We finished our conversation with our regular pleasantries and I thought no more of it. That is until today. I realized that my mom was doing the most effec...

The standard should not be lowered to meet your normal. If it is then it is no longer the standard. It then becomes a genuine reflection of the lack of perseverance in your life. And a short cut to achievement. Self how great is thy reward? -sj

Wouldn't it be silly for an elephant to want to be a flower? I mean an elephant was gifted with all of its uniqueness in order for it to complete its task A flower can't roam the plains with thunder underneath its feet A flower doesn't have memory or demonstrate conscience thought A flower can not wrap it's trunk around its calf Nor delight itself in the joy of the herd But an elephant can In the same vein The Elephant as royal and demanding its presence is Can't glitter in the sunlight Its colors won't dance upon the wind The Elephant no matter how wondrous of a created creature it is Doesn't articulate beauty in the way the flower can The Elephant is regal but it doesn't dress in Beautiful Blues Majestic Magentas Tantalizing Pinks Flirtatious Oranges Or lively Yellows Grays and Browns the color of earth are the Elephant's cloak So  although I can I understand why an Elephant may look upon A flower with envy I...

A Prayer for The Masses A Prayer from the Heart God, you withhold much of what we deserve Father we have taken for granted how Holy You are How Holy Your Name is We disrespect it We profane it out of our ignorance and rebellion Father what we should protect we destroy We celebrate what should be condemned We delight in punishment but refuse to Apply correction We call evil just and we shun righteousness Forgive us Lord God! You have given us plenty You have blessed us beyond measure And still we are consistently unfaithful to you Thank you for doing so much Thank you for upholding your promises despite our adultery We are a proud and sinful nation We have defiled your creation without repentance Arrogantly we accept Your gifts As if we are owed something We have forgotten ourselves Master Your remnant is sorry We plead for your forgiveness But we know we can’t escape the coming consequences Protect and prosper Your chosen Allow You...

America, Home of the Complacent, Land of the Blind As I sorrowfully follow some of the news that is decorating our media landscape, I can’t bring myself to believe that we continue to celebrate deviant and rebellious behavior. It’s now brave when a man changes his sex to mimic that of a woman? Or vice versa? It is socially incorrect or even rude to point out that a lesbian who kills all but the smallest part of her femininity as to reflect the male portion of her partnership is a living contradiction. Does anyone think to ask why a woman would want to have a relationship with another woman who acts like a man? Don’t you just want a man? Why is it insensitive to refer to a he as a he because he prefers to be called a she? Really… Even worse we are now in the era where federal law mandates that individuals be recognized and accepted for their choices no matter how far off the grid they go. Same–sex marriage shouldn’t be an issue up for discussion. It goes against God’s struc...