A Day In My Life

Christmas is so awesome! A time set aside to celebrate the the miraculous virgin birth of our Lord and Savior. A time to for introspection A time for appreciation A time for admiration No one else loved us the way Jesus Christ did/does To take off His divine And to put on humanity while still being GOD It is a delicious mystery One that entangles the mind But releases it almost simultaneously When His peace covers one's being The Bible gives us an account of what happened Faith believes it did Not as an old wives tale but as truth because He is GOD and we are not I would rather put my faith in what GOD said He did All in the name of Love Than a fabled tale Known to not be true Flying Reindeer??? Really... So even if you don't believe in God Know that He is still GOD with or without you And FYI He is God enough to handle your disbelief With that said If you don't want to acknowledge Christ in Christmas That's to your di...

Before you I didn't know about a Tangeroo Before you I could have never loved a Myon Before you I didn't really know what strength was Before you I didn't know sound could hurt Before you I didn't know how much I missed little hugs Or how delightful kissing little chunky feet could be Before you I thought I understood a great many things Who knew airplane take-off was the best part of a trip That calendars look better with purple circles on it That cartoons could be so much fun That the floor was for more than walking It gives perspective While letting one know where they fit in a room Before you I didn't know so much could be said Without saying a thing I admire you I think you are the cat's meow I love you I am glad you are with me Soon you will be taller than me But I will always remember your 'little' It's mine My gift -Souljourner

Your eyes are so wide Bright with joyful expectation Your smile always shows a certain type of charm Devilishly delightful The promise of manhood Growing steadily by the day No longer momma's little man Pleasantly surprised I am When your world becomes a little clearer No longer are you my puzzle I know you are different And so do you I think Or maybe we are the different ones I dunno I just love your zest for life Your earned contentment I enjoy our conversations Understanding is never the goal Companionship and closeness Is beautiful No matter what you are or are not You are mine And I love you With all that I am -Souljourner

Sometimes Because we forget We figure the wound is healed Sometimes Our cellars are full of items marked "dealt with" But really are still open Sometimes We get angry when we are so abruptly reminded Of our pain All of a sudden we are vulnerable Open Exposed Sometimes It gets harder to hide feelings of frustration Cracks on our shells Strain under the weight Sometimes Pain is no longer a distant companion But instead a constant friend -Souljourner

So the other week starts off with its normal Monday morning fury. Nate has clinic visits downtown, Myles has to get to school and Mr. Howard off to work. I thought I was going to have a pretty quiet week and was looking forward to some serious down time. Of course that didn't happen and in the immortal words of C.Brown "Good Grief" was about all I could muster. Let me quickly chronicle my week for you: Monday: Downtown Clinic visit (wellness checkup) for Nathan Van inadvertently gets parked thru valet service with Nathan still in the back seat Panic sets in  All ends well Praise GOD I need a nap (smile) Tuesday: Myles has a eligibility meeting of some sort Performance scores are reviewed Deficits are discussed Guess what he is still autistic....whoodathunkit? Nathan has accident at school I did manage to get an oil change  squeezed lunch in for myself around 1 or so Wednesday: QuickBooks Training for volunteer work  Totally forgot about it Still d...

As a mother my heart aches for his mom; because no matter what happened no matter the circumstances we never lose the hope of our child returning better than they were when they left. Death quells that hope. As one who serves the Most High Jesus Christ I am saddened because one of lost sheep has been taken. There is no joy in any sinner dying without repentance. Do I know where Mr. Brown is spending his eternity? Absolutely not but I do know that God would desire that none would be lost. I feel stripped when I look at a judicial system that can justify an excessive use of force as a means to an end. I weep when I see the waves of fear, mistrust and panic that continues to plague the areas I call home. I wonder is their any hope in this situation..my chest swells with doubt and defeat. I wonder what type of life will the officer have when so many people are looking to see him destroyed? Unjustly I might add because if the Brown family is calling for peace than what right do yo...

Are you happy now? Did you stealing that man's stuff Or breaking into those people's business Bring back the one you say you are avenging? Was the wrong righted? Was policy changed to prevent this from happening again moving forward? Did you ask Traevon? Did you see Micheal? Are they back? No? Well that's too bad But the truth is...they are not coming back, not this way again. So what are you doing to make sure their are no more like so many That have fallen? What are you doing to educate, empower and inspire? Yes, I hear you I understand the hurt But stealing, looting and tearing down Do you want someone to do that to you? No one has come in to destroy yours because you did They are still on the rim Waiting for your strength to run-out They will go on with their lives Confident in their jilted victory Smiling at their tainted courts Laughing at you because you don't understand their words But again I ask you what are you ...

Great job! Let me commend you..those who decided to pollute the air with their hate and ignorance For those who decided to perfume the atmosphere with weed instead of clear thinking For those who don't have enough foresight to even ask GOD for a vision for their lives For those who will never own a house and will always be in lack because they choose to Live behind everyone else Then be angry For those who do not take advantage of education For those who decide that being an opportunist is more profitable than a trade, a degree, a skill, some sense For those who would rather use their hands to destroy And their minds to make mayhem For those who know every word to some degrading song But can't recite the Pledge of Allegiance or even name the 50 states For those who choose to operate in a cycle of poverty anger and violence towards their fellow man many times their own neighbor And still fix their mouth to call me their sister or someone else their ...

Thank you for tearing up your town... I didn't like the way it looked anyway -Sarcasm just in case it was lost upon you Thank you for filling the air with Uncertainty and fear Because that is always more productive Thank you for pushing all of the business out of the area I enjoy spending more on gas and longer commutes Thank you for hurting the working class Your Aunts, Uncles, Moms and Dads You are a Prodigal What do you care? Thank you for pushing our folks, your folks Friends and neighbors out of a community on the verge of a COMEBACK I didn't mind the property values dropping Or the lack of tax revenue to fund the schools The community pool or the upkeep of the parks Thank you for a colossal waste of energy That you presented on yesterday Thank you for shaming the fight of civil rights That so many have struggled for Thank you for not participating in the process of anything You didn't need your say to be heard Thank you fo...

Consequences Are an unruly bunch They are never invited yet they always show up They linger too long Sometimes they never leave They are loud and boisterous Always speaking for you Always taking up space They are like a shadow Always with you wherever you go They are always in the now Because they are always in the present No matter what is left behind No matter how carefully covered is the trail No matter how heartfelt the apology Or how heavy the regret They never let you forget They attach ... like a leach Clawing, biting, draining the life source Always coloring your path Going before you as a reminder Scarlet is the letter Forgiveness is not in their nature Indifferent is choice But a constant companion -Sj

Darkness warmer than chocolate smoother than jersey on a sheet tingling, spicy, tantalizing Like a puff of cinnamon mixed with nutmeg smelling so good one disregards how it burns to the touch up into your brain the smoke, that is darkness, rises Coiling around your spine like the predator it is embracing all of your being No place is safe not the head that was the first to fall Not the body it is unruly like a spoiled child not the emotions They have been dulled one only knows the sweet aroma of deception the false security of manipulation The illusion of control the mask of addiction Yes that is darkness revealed, always true in its form It's hold is as strong As one's weakness is for the lie that compels that soul to keep breathing it in.... -Souljourner

So.. Here you are The fan's been hit The trap has been sprung Now what? The fallout is more than you considered If you considered it at all Again I ask Now What? Where are all of the thems? It doesn't matter how they were clothed If they were male or female If they were tall or short Popular or not They are not here but their damage remained behind Now what Eve? Now what Adam? Which way will you run... To Him who can forgive and restore or to him that maims, kills and destroys but makes you think you like it... he's deceitful that way You choose Its always been yours to do so It's not to late.... -Souljourner

It never ceases to amaze me how the most profound thoughts come out of the most simplest of conversations. Take for example last night. My husband and I were in the bed waiting out the commercials being aired during a Friday night television show; the premise of which centers around the main character whose soul is damned and he runs around trying to atone for his mistakes. Of course in the interim he deals with nasty spirits, has conversations with demons and angles, and tries to keep hold of his sanity while dealing with the supernatural. So of course this would spark up a conversation.  We are talking about how deep the show is because it tries to convey how we are in relationship with the spirit world. And how there are forces so vile that we can't comprehend them. It was just kinda freaky but fascinating. We are faith believing people and know that angles, demons and fallen angels do exist. That our world is on a plane that intertwines with the spirit world. We also know t...

Where are you going? What are you doing? Who will remember.... What has your attention? Where are you focused? Who will it help..... Do you have a goal? Will it follow you into death? Is it worth the sacrifice Who does it benefit.... Who does it hurt? What will last? Can you bring it with you? Empty your hands were when you came, Empty they will be when they leave What will remain? Love -Souljourner

So there I was this morning dropping my youngest off at school and I noticed all of the teachers scurrying about there many a.m tasks; and I found myself being just a tad bit, (okay who am I fooling a super, overwhelming, all caps TAD), jealous. Everyone seemed to be in their place..comfortable where they fit in. Walking in their purpose. Being productive; Smiling and greeting their students and co-workers; Making plans, following routines, scheduling meetings. I thought to myself wow and what are you doing? Another day filled with 'let's find something to do' activities all the while asking the same old questions like: What am I doing here, what is my purpose, what should I be accomplishing in this season? How did I get here? Why am I here. Needless to say I was having a moment. Come to think of it I have been having a lot of moments as of late. Still I spoke when spoken too and even forced a couple of smiles. I couldn't wait to get out of the building just so I coul...

to my own beat do i drum to my own steps do i dance the rhythm of life moves with time upbeat is the tempo when life is light slow and steady when challenge blocks my steps determined and rapid are the sounds when my course will not be changed when my mind is made up when my strength compels me to stand mellow is the tune when the day is mine soft reflections add to my thoughts soulful is my vibe i dance to my own steps -Souljourner

I am strong I am Witty I am Pretty I am more than Beautiful I am the Beautiful I carry Grace Calmness is my friend I bring Strength in my arms Comfort is my table I am a Lady who loves I am a Daughter of Zion A mother of many And the trusted of One I am the Beautiful And Precious..so are you -Souljourner

Silence Beautiful Strong Firm Unique Complete Classy Calming Comforting Wise Always welcomed Silence

Softly, slowly, deliberate are the fall breezes at my back nothing alive but the sound of the leaves under my feet. The air is thick with the perfume of the season squirrels scurry about grabbing, eating, stocking Winter will follow soon Gone are the winds of summer Bright blue were its skies Dazzling were it's clouds. But I will not miss them The pale gray and the mute purples The last of the season are comforting to me In its stillness the lack of activity encourages me. Soon life will begin again The cycle of awakening will be upon us But for now This is comfort I am still in my peace -Souljourner

I am sad. It is the joyful end of an era. If I am honest with myself I never prepared for this moment because I was too afraid to hope for it. I didn't want to geek myself up just to be disappointed or worse have him be disappointed. So I just continued in life trying to adjust to the waves of change as they were thrown at me. Well now it's neither here or there. He will be starting school next week and my house will be empty again. Except for me, I will still be here. Everyone else has a mission or a purpose but I will spend hours alone in solitary confinement. Now it isn't all bad. I get to study the Word of God and just immerse myself in His presence un-interrupted. If I do have to go out the shopping is great during the day. All of the vendors are fresh and friendly and the shelves are stocked. There are definitely perks to being at home. Still I must confront and conquer my fear of the unknown or asking GOD what is next. I might be a little bit traumatized from t...

Life is full of contradictions. Like when you tell your child to be brave when they are about to receive an immunization of some sort. The needle must look so incredibly intimidating and the smell of the alcohol wipe must be nauseating as it foretells the short arrival of pain. But yet we hold them and talk with them trying to distract or entertain, yet it is usually to no avail. Once they see that needle all bets are off. First the deal making, (if they are old enough to reason), then the pleading, followed next by the crying and finally the screaming. I promise you I don't know who suffers the most in 2 minutes..the kids or me. Because I am sweating from trying to hold them and so does my wallet; afterwards I usually treat them to some type of positive reinforcement. Ice-cream or chicken nuggets works wonders. It doesn't erase the memory of the event or the residual stinging that follows the shot but it does tell them more than words that hey, I am sorry you had to go throu...

A time to mourn Weird isn't it this is the time to celebrate Winter is here with it is the end of all things current its the end that I mourn so long this has been my way its comfortable predictable as a sea change was the only constant sometimes pain was my closest friend but its what I knew I owned it It was mine the hurt fueled me it didn't yield but neither did I now..what? I have lost my fight it was silenced with change I don't know what to do how to act where to find fuel for my fire On I must go searching for a new reason but I am weak beginning again the thought stirs panic a habitation of fear now you understand why I mourn it's a herald of change

There are so many things one sees in unconventional situations. Take our hospital stays and visits for example. I would have never met the beautiful people that I did. I wouldn't be able to witness the healing power of God. Or hear the whisper of love that transcended race and religious preferences so I could comfort a new mother who was just beginning her journey with a critically ill child. I wouldn't be able to sympathize or hold her while she allowed herself to be vulnerable..to a total stranger no less. I wouldn't be able to share that there is hope and you must live for it. I wouldn't have been able to whisper GOD's name as she passed by me in her wheel chair to fresh from birth to walk. Holding her promise, he was beautiful by the way, wide eyed so overwhelmed with the fierceness of now. I have been there... Hours on end I would spend at his bedside in the unit and wonder when I would be on the other side. I wouldn't accept the prognosis that he proba...

The wind, crisp and strong assaults my nostrils the leaves are so loud underneath my feet they insult the silence a break in the paleness of winter everything is gray no life no color stark, barren and beautiful smoke from nearby warms my soul re-affirms to me that I am alive my pace remains the same there is something beautiful about the sky this season of dormancy of rest of renewal hidden are its activities but the fruit of spring sing of its faithfulness it comforts me

I never wanted a mini-van. The suburbs never held my interest and I most certainly didn't want to be anyone's housewife. Stay-at-home mom???!! Really? I am educated...I hold several degrees. I have been in the workforce since I was 12 years old. But it means little to nothing when you look into the face of your child who is so very happy to see you waiting for him at the bus stop in the afternoon. Nor can you put a price on the security your husband feels knowing you are taking care of all of the intricate details required to run a home. He knows he can't do it...that is not where his strength is. This is not the life I hoped for by any means. But it is the one I have. I can choose to find beauty in the challenges of it or be crushed under the weight of disappointment. It doesn't change the fact that 2 of my 3 kids are autistic. Or that 2 of the 3 children have chronic medical conditions..one of them pretty severe. What does change, however, is my perspective. I...

Deep, slow and deliberate. Those are my breathes. I am almost counting them. Today is the day. Transplant is scheduled within a few hours. It is beyond me. I am trying to grasp the day. I am sitting in the garden on the roof of the hospital. I don't want to panic. I know I have no control... I am scared. I love my son. But You love him more. I would withhold what is best for him. Just to spare him from the immediate pain. He is in his room sleeping. I have sought You out before the rest of the world is awake. I need to hear You through the silence. I need to feel Your presence. I don't want to be here. My GOD, Yahweh, My GOD...My GOD Words scream in my head but my voice has no strength Is there any other way? Hold me, as only You can The sun rises beautifully. The colors are an awesome expression of Your Majesty The silence holds strength I don't want to walk through this day I don't want this day That is my fear roaring Be of...

Here I am.. Broken Weak Empty I have poured out all of my strength I have given till my last Now I have nothing But you say I do My hands are feeble Is my reply to Your promptings I don't want to move I can't go on from this place Yes, yes you can You whisper in my soul I feel Your kisses in the wind It surrounds me Envelops me Covers me I will never leave you or forsake you I remember Slowly I move towards You I am strengthen I am strengthen I feel Your warmth, once again

Good Morning Friends, It is morning for me but regardless of when you read this post...it's still good morning (smile). It's something about the first greeting of the day. It gives me grounding and fills me with the promise of a new day. It re-affirms for me that my Heavenly Father is still there waiting for me to greet Him and experience His love through out the day. That thought alone gives me courage to get up and face the unknowns of the time I have been given. If you are anything like me I love to pre-plan. Why? So I can know what to expect ...how to be prepared and honestly how avoid any unpleasantries. Thankfully GOD in His ultimate wisdom knows what is best for me is frequently the last thing I want. Really if I had foreknowledge then what would I need faith for? Why would I need to rely on Him? Why would I need to trust Him or even believe in Him? I would not. I would be my own god..completely backwards; living in a catch up mode. Have...

First and foremost...my deepest condolences for the family of Micheal Brown. May the Lord continue to keep you in His peace as you go through this day and the days to come. Today is the day that Mr. Micheal Brown will be laid to rest and as I read the different accounts of the tragic events that lead up to this day I am troubled. As I look at the community of St.Louis coming together to pay their respects to a young man who was too soon taken from us..I can't help but wonder where were all of these groups,people and influences when Mr. Brown needed mentoring? Maybe just maybe if he had this type of attention and outpouring of love before that day..maybe he would have been able to make better choices, ones that would have extended his life not extinguish it. Now before you get out of sorts let me elaborate. In no way shape or form is his murder justifiable. There is no winner in this situation. The officer doesn't win, his family, the police department nor Micheal's fam...

Sometimes the very thing that you are trying so hard to get away from...is the very thing you need the most. Just saying For example I couldn't wait to get away from my parents and family and have a life of my own. Well now I don't have a life without my parents and family. I called my mom yesterday and told her I needed my favorite chair in her living room and a nice bowl of her made from scratch soup. It comforts my soul. Now apply where necessary and where not necessary don't make excuses to try and make a square peg fit in a space where a triangle was made to be. Wisdom people..ask for it and it will be given to you liberally! -Souljourner

Son of joy Strength is in your arms Your hands are filled With the promises of the earth Be faithful in your work Adam You bring honor to your family You delight yourself in precepts that bring you life He will reward you because diligent is your search for Him We need you You are precious to Him who created you In His image, you stand In His breath, you live Trust Him to supply all of your needs He has a helpmate for you Wait for her Your faithfulness will be rewarded Don't be afraid to trust He knows your name -Souljourner

you say you love me but your fruit tells on you you say you believe but your life mirrors abomination and  desolation you say you know Me but you don't defend the innocent you don't correct the unjust you don't stand when it is for Me You say choice and sleep undisturbed whose are you again? Mine? are you sure My sheep know Me yet you say you hear but refuse to listen Time is coming Will you still serve you? -souljourner

You are so beautiful You don't have to prove what you are you just need to be taught to embrace it You are worth waiting for Make him work for your hand The prize that is you Then you can give yourself away unselfishly with no guilt no commendation and no regrets its rewarding to follow the straight and narrow you bring grace to your husband and honor to your father daughter of Zion -souljourner

Greetings Family! I hope all is well in your corner of the world. Forgive me if I have already shared this story with you.  Something's are worth repeating. With that said here are some thoughts that needed to be shared with you. I hope it blesses you as much as it blessed me to write it. Regards, -Souljourner I can't remember exactly what day it was but that is not an important detail; I do remember, however, that we were on the tail end of a very trying time with Nathan's dialysis treatment. It was over a series of days where Nathan was not receiving adequate treatment due to a faulty catheter. As a result his blood pressure numbers were ridiculous. He didn't feel good and nothing we were trying was working. It was painfully obvious that this little soldier had had enough. With tears in his eyes he looked at me and his sister...and he said "nothing is work!" "Nothing is work, Mom".  I was terrified, I couldn't breathe. My blood was ...

Small should stay small never should it be made into something tall because a shadow then does it project causing you to forget that small can be nothing but small -Souljourner

Life is to be celebrated Choices are to be weighed Perspective, although, respected does not produce agreement Does that make me mean? Non-tolerant Or are you exactly what you accuse me to be? My standards are established by the Most High In your life He does not exist That is your choice But it doesn't affect the fact that He does Allow me to stand as I stand Because I will, regardless of permission I, in turn, will continue to respect your freedom to choose your life is in your hands Don't say you were not cautioned Every flip has a side For good or bad So you do what you do And I will be who I am There is no hate Just truth -Souljourner

It is so funny how the Lord can use everyday moments to speak with us. It is so beautiful when I can hear Him with clarity...meaning my spirit is quiet enough to hear Him. It is empowering,, re-assuring and awe inspiring. It sticks with you for the rest of your days. It serves as a point of reference to help steady your course not to mention an encouragement to you when your way gets a little rough and you wonder if you are going the right way. At least it does for me. For example I remember when I was heavy with our 3rd child; heavy meaning miserable, large, huge and uncomfortable. This pregnancy was my most difficult. I had high blood pressure, chronic nose bleeds, heartburn and a terrible craving for filet  o' fish. Honestly I would have my husband go to a 24 hour McDonald's and grab 2 of those tasty sandwiches complete with tarter on the side pickles and the onions they place on the 1/4 burgers. I would crush, as my 20 year - old says, that and fruit. So wonder I had pres...

We used to fuss quarrel and fight We never really appreciated each other There was never a reason too. Until now. Brother our days have grown longer with the responsibilities of family careers and other distractions But every now and again we get to hang out even if it is just 3 minutes to ourselves and it is so very nice! I miss your snappy humor and witty comebacks I miss your perspective which has grown ever wiser with time and travel I miss the girls, oh how they used to oogle you. How proud I was to say that you were my big bro. I still am. I love you and the man that you have become I look forward to your counsel and I enjoy sharing the mis-adventures of our kids. It's nice to hear your laugh, so boisterous so full of life. It's comforting to see how observant you are over the needs of your wife and kids You are everything I thought you could be and more. Consider these accolades your beautifully won flowers! -Souljourner

Do you ever wonder what the air will be like in heaven? I do. I can't picture it but I know it will be glorious like Christmas morning to my 6 year old self. As we continue on this journey with Nate I find myself grasping unto to any hope I can find. Honestly some days the journey wears on me..I just hate the words autism and disease. I am like really, if I got to hear those terms one more time I promise that I will scream. Funny thing of how reflection will help put things into perspective..about the time that I was just 'over' the whole renal failure, dialysis treatments  blah blah blah. The doctor entered our treatment room and started telling her colleagues all about the last several months of Nate's history. Just listening to her made me go Thank You Jesus! I hadn't forgotten it just that sometimes when you are in the fight you forget that you are on the winning side. I can't imagine being a soldier in the middle of a war. The constant sound of gun fire...

sometimes I feel like a volcano ready to erupt my emotions are all over the place hot, smokey threatening to strangle me and I can't get a hand on my reality I get angry and take my frustrations out on anything or anyone close to me I mourn the life I thought I would have I mourn the dreams lost then i remember to breathe it resets me the air crushing thru my nostrils the expansion of my lungs allow me to understand that my job is simple just  believe and trust that He has my best interest in line with His will Again I draw a deep breath my brain tingles with excitement like the shock of stepping into a cold winter morning A reminder that I am alive That I am set aside for a special purpose I am equipped with everything I need to complete the job even if I am not sure of what exactly it is breathing re-establishes the fact that I am fearfully and wonderfully made there are no accidents only divine appointments I am encouraged I feel my strength re...

I live I love I breathe I am -Souljourner

Can I be honest? Can I risk your opinion of me changing? Can I be allowed to reveal my frailness my doubts and insecurities Can I be truthful Can I release? There is so much in my tears they are my courage they carry my strength they help me remember that i  have limitations I am not GOD and it is okay I don't have to have the answers I don't have to like my circumstances I get angry i pray I cry I repeat Allow me to be honest Allow me to be human I can be nothing else -souljourner

I would rather you keep it real Tell me how you feel and let your actions Support your words I would rather you be truthful in your hurt Than have your mouth part ways Don't tell me you love me But do everything against Me Don't despise Me when I correct you Don't twist my judgement with your bias A lie is never the truth No matter how much it is accepted Trust I am going to keep it real with you -Souljourner

Just an observation Just a thought I noticed your light Shines pink sometimes blue I thought who you served was light? Pure, radiant, power undiminished His light never changes The color never fades Just a thought Just an observation You might want to choose this day Who you love Because who you love Will Be who you serve Souljourner

Since when is God's commands a matter of public opinion? Since when did we allow godless people rule over our society? The nation that GOD created? When did we say wrong is right and right is wrong? Why do we celebrate those who are in open rebellion to GOD's policies and doctrine. Has anyone told the masses that the phrase "Oh My G" is disrespectful? I am sure one of the commandments state that we are not to say His name in vain. Has anyone taught their sphere of influence that the rainbow is a sign of GOD's covenant made with Noah? Not Gay Pride? I find it disturbing, do you? We need to teach the non-believers, luke-warm followers and those who think they can have the best of both worlds,  that there are consequences to every choice; and whether they choose to believe the Word of GOD or not it does not diminish it's truth or power. Why should we? Not because we don't love them but quite the contrary. They need to know that one day their soul will be ...

So I like black, You like blue I adore purple But you loathe it Red I embrace You seek to destroy it Should I let go what I know To make you feel justified Lure you into deceptive agreement No I shouldn't I won't But I will love you as my parameters permit and agree to disagree about everything else Souljourner

Marriage is a Holy Covenant between One man and One woman GOD honors what He has defined Marriage is beautiful Honorable Strong and our society's foundation It is the life blood of a healthy structure Proudly I say I LOVE THE INSTITUITION OF MARRIAGE AS GOD DEFINED IT I AM A WOMAN WHO LOVES HER HUSBAND I LOVE BEING A MOTHER I AM NOT ASHAMED OF THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST Souljourner

Grey,  blue, black fierce determined commanding I tremble I can hear my heart I have lost my voice I can't breathe Storm, leave  me Leave me the choice is mine I want my power It is not yours to give back because it wasn't yours to take away I found it you can no longer hold me I am free I will stand Souljourner

I cry Who hears me I weep Who comforts me I fear Who assures me My strength wanes Who restores me I feel lost Who guides me I am ready to surrender Who rallies me I am quiet Who hears me Souljourner

Every time they prick your body I cringe When I look at your wounds I want to cry Every time they want to see how you are healing I want to jump to your defense I want to protect I want to help I want to take your pain I want to make it better I have to resist becoming bitter I have to accept Thy Will Be Done But I hurt just like you do I am challenged like you are I wait for deliverance for you, for me Control is not mine Neither is the outcome Certainly not the glory Trust is a hard thing but is necessary Emmanuel Help Me Jehovah Jireh I call out to You Only you You are my deliverer You are my shield You are my promise Souljourner

Or For Non-French Speakers: Happy Birthday! May 31, 2014 Marked my 44th birthday. It was great...filled with birthday calls, facebook birthday wishes, some cards and a few presents. We spent the day with extended family and then snuck out for an 8pm movie. As with any birthday I like to take a look at what I have accomplished in the previous year. Honestly I didn't remember much because the last 2 months have been moving at the speed of life; but in this moment that I have to catch my breath sort of speak, I needed to reflect. To draw on past victories, review setbacks and purpose to do better every day. I remember when I was so excited as a child to have a birthday party. My mom would spare no expense and would have the place decorated beautifully with colorful streamers, balloons, party plates and cups. The table would be filled with snacks, drinks, presents and hot dogs. My friends and I played games all in the back yard. The whole family would check in throughout the day....