A Day In My Life

Sometimes life is just that bad. Sometimes you may want to forget your name. Sometimes you may just want to give in. Anything for peace. Anything to stop your pain. But growth and promotion will not occur on it's own. If you push through it, you will be better for it. I promise..but the tears. No, I can't stop those. Why would I? They are proof of your payment. They are commissioned for your cause. They offer clarity and sweet release. They make you breathe. They make you remember how much of a Victor you are. -sj

We can't always choose what's been done, but we can choose what we will carry.. -sj

You may never forgive me You may never allow me to inhabit your space You may never talk to me again Or want to see my face The burden is no longer mine to carry It is yours alone to bare Not because I leave you Not because I don't want to reconcile But because you choose to hold the hate You have learned to thrive in your anger Like crack to an addict, you will not be parted I will not feed your fire I will not be a target for your pain I have apologized I have wept for you I can't return what I have taken I have no regrets only choices that have been forgiven Do what you will Live as you must Happiness, if you remember comes with freedom You are always welcomed by it -sj

Guilt is no longer my partner Fear no longer my bed Regret can't share my morning coffee These demons I no longer dread My Morning has come My Blessing from David has arrived I'm full of His Hope His light sparkles in my tears His Peace is my strength His Joy compels me to keep going His Love wraps me up...so much that I forget where I am Hurricanes look much calmer when you are inside looking out -sj

The little one and I were talking one day. I don't really remember what about exactly but somehow or another the conversation went back to the events of 2014. Over that year he had 5 surgeries and countless procedures..it was a year of fear and uncertainty but GOD in His Grace brought us through it. Sometimes, because of his autism, I really don't know how much he (Nate) is absorbing, how much he is remembering, what exactly is he feeling or what he takes away from the experience. As I have mentioned in earlier postings, Nathan speaks like Yoda in 3rd person and every thing falls into two categories: now or yesterday. Thankfully over the years I have learned to speak Howardeze and can decipher what he says most of the time. I really wish I could remember the exact circumstances but sadly, I can't. What I do remember I hope will stick with me for the rest of my days. I believe we were in our apartment and I was doing mother-stuff and he mentioned "oh like God"....

As I walk thru my hallway I feel warm as soup just spooned from the pot As I go about my chores, setting up the house for the day There creeps a smile out the corner of my lips I fix my coffee The smell of breakfast fills the air Little arms wind about my waist Thankfulness pours over me, bathing my soul in its peaceful beauty This is where I belong I am happy in my role I am confident You know my name Grateful are my thoughts towards You -sj

It still is wonderful to wake up and see you smile! I still love our conversations no matter the duration.. It is wonderful to feel your breath I still get lost in your embrace It is so refreshing to see us laugh At ourselves..for no apparent reason Everyday you look more and more welcoming I am glad I accepted your offer Many, Many years ago I still smile when I hear your keys hit the door I love understanding us and where we are I love you I love ours I am happy about the days gone past But I am content in the here and now I trust the time to come As long as you are with me -sj

love is beautiful when not restricted love is honorable when enjoyed responsibly love is succulent when it is earned love is amazing when it is shared thoughtfully love last when it was built on a foundation love keeps discovering when it walks together love doesn't demand its always given -sj

If he is not good enough to be your King Then don't let him into your castle If you can't be his Queen Then be nothing of his at all If you can't honor the act of love you committed Then don't dishonor it by eliminating  pieces of a generation If you think or know you would make this choice What love with this man do you have? Love is patient Love is kind It isn't self serving It isn't greedy It isn't fickle in its mind Have you thought about just waiting? That produces no harm or foul You already know he isn't for you so why settle? Why try to fit in Why try to be everything to him When he is not your King & You are not his Queen? -sj

I know you are grown I know you are sassy enough to do you But let me pose a couple of questions To make you think about a thing or two If your circumstances are not desirable Do you have anyone to blame but yourself? I mean you are grown enough to handle the choice So be woman enough to accept the consequence Did it keep him in your bed? Is that the only place you wanted him to be? Maybe you shouldn't have let him in your head After all the devil didn't commit the act He just planted the thought What do you mean, I am one to talk? If I have suffered I have shared it with you If I have erred I lived it in front of you Wisdom is always bought But I thought the shame was worth the price If it kept you following my advice But I am here and he is not Wow you have gotten yourself in a tight spot All I am asking is that when this turn comes around again In a different suit, maybe a crooked smile Or smooth brown skin Think about what you a...

Choice is Saying no even when you want to say yes! Choice is Making him show truth to commitment Choice is Knowing you are the best And waiting for your best Choice is Not free of pain or disappointment Not easy But when you see his smile As you walk down the aisle You will know that It was worth it! And later when those early days have passed You will be able to share with your daughter How she is choice and it is always hers -sj

One day my daughter called and started sharing her day with me, which is not unusual. It seems like since she has went away to school we have become closer. We talk more and fight less. I value her opinion, I look forward her laughter and her cheekiness. As the conversation continued it started to morph from a 21 year old super genius talking to her mom, to more of one full of deep thought and concern for her future. I listened a little more intently because I knew this was as close to "mom I need your advice" as I was going to get and I wanted to savor every moment. "There's this boy", oh now we come to it I thought, "who is smart, handsome and is studying in my field", "uh hum". She continued "he never really paid attention to me before, but today I said hello, he said hello and started to walk away but then he turned and just stared and smiled." " At first I thought awkward, but then I smiled and we just kinda looked at ...

Can I just be real for a moment? Thank you in advance. I am so sick of those who seek to destroy or demean the bond between Husband & Wife. I am speaking specifically of those in the world of entertainment and their followers. And to those who throw around marriage partners like I recycle plastic..constantly. Marriage is a sacred bond that should not be entered lightly. It is a contractual agreement between a man and a woman taken out before GOD and a host of witnesses. Children are to be brought into the world from this structure and taught how to be responsible and loving citizens. I am not downing you if you are a single parent, I was for many years. I am just stating the structure intended. Sex is one of the many benefits of entering into this union. It is not something to be publicized, or characterized by anyone other than the two people who are lovingly involved in the act. It is not for those underage, single or those who claim to have an "open" marriage. If...

Do you know how strong you are? On your back you carry me your children our future Do you know what you leave? Expectancy Security Trust and Dependency Do you know why I follow? You are humble You thirst after The All Mighty All that you are is in Him His love radiates from you His warmth draws me to you His kindness is emulated by you Son of Adam Child of righteousness Follower of  David Lover of the Bright & Morning Star Your name I proudly display -sj

Your arms are strong better to hold me your embrace is warm better to strengthen me your eyes dance around me so softly better when I need transparency your lips are soft better for when tender is the calling your lead is solid better to allow me to serve your love is not shared better to allow me to be secure Thank you for being you because you allow me to be me -sj

Should you expect Respect when your backside shows all your glory given to those who are unworthy while being undervalued by self Should you expect anything less What you put out is what you get back it is the law of nature Stop living substandard expect above the standard and wait for the GOD-standard to penetrate and reinstate you are redeemed you are forgiven let your life reflect the knowledge you have been given -sj

My husband and I were talking just last night. The house was winding down for the evening. Dinner had been served, homework was done and the kids had finished their nightly shower. In the bed they had scurried but we knew they were far from sleeping. We heard them go back and forth in their own language...reciting their favorite cartoons, laughing and playing. I was in the kitchen putting food away and washing dishes and a thought occurred to me. What if we could travel back in time. To the moment when we (Anthony & I), first met? Knowing everything we know now. Would we still move forward in our relationship or would we turn with a nod and walk away? So of course being the natural female I am, (meaning I am always curious), I posed the question to my beloved. His answer I have recorded for you below: Actually Hun yes I would do it again. Even if I could go back 20+ years..I have no regrets. I love those boys, I love Pooh, I love all of my children. Yes it is hard being parent...

Dear Lord, Thank you For all that you have done and are doing and going to do For Your Word which is my strength, my light and my guide For Your Presence full of love and peace For Your Gifts of salvation, redemption & restoration I now know that I can't go to far or Stray to long Without feeling your call upon me Thank you for loving me up to this point of submission And grateful recognition Of Your Mercy and Grace Which sustains me -Sj