A Day In My Life

It looks like snow Its cold the sky is streaked with different shades of grey Muted purples Distant whites I wonder what is beyond the clouds? How bright does the sun shine Could its warmth Lift me Could it remind me Of why I breathe I don't want to be Mom today I don't want to be a Nurse The Accountant, Travel Coordinator I don't want to be Chef I don't want to hear the beep of a machine That says your pressure is high I don't want to have to measure your input Or output I want to lay across my bed I want to give in to my grief I don't want to fight today I just want to forget my name .....I can't I am what I am I am a Mom And my love knows no bounds Emotions are not my chains Slowly I rise But I rise That is all that matters I need some strength today Give me a hug Jesus, help me  I whisper I feel a breeze on my face I am He reminds me It's okay He assures me I made you who you are...

Since month 3 We knew you were different That didn't stop us from wanting you You have challenged us Changed us, We can never go back We don't even want to Who knew less than 8lbs could cause such a disruption Who knew that your cry would stir the fight in our hearts Its been tough Often we wonder what it would be like If you were normal If you talked and thought like others around you What is normal? We think you are You set your own stage Your music is your own Just when it looks like we may get a breather Well they just don't last that long That's okay Your hugs are payment enough Your excitement has more charge than a power plant We carry your burden together You are not nor will ever be alone We stand with you As long as we can...lifetimes are funny things -sj

Round and full is your face Life flows all around it So pretty, so brown, so perfect Eyes so deep with love I get lost in them each and every time One little dimple on the left cheek Guess you didn't need two You are perfect Your smile breaks the most frigid of days Your laughter fuels my soul Mother you call me Preserver of my strength is what I call you Trouble is how your dad colors you But he says it with your smile So proud So blessed We are yours and you are ours Beautiful is all of the gifts that make you Our Son Our little boy -sj

Today was a day filled with lots of news. Some made me feel good, some indifferent and some challenged me to remember to breathe. As I continue to travel life's many bends twists and turns, I am reminded that nothing is ever guaranteed or permanent or stable. Save for faith. Faith says that no matter how grim it looks it will get better. Faith reassures me that if one door closes, (and a really big one did today), then it is okay. There is something better for you on the horizon. Faith says that even though the fruit of your good actions may never be seen by your eyes, who needs to see it will. Faith says that when the day comes that you feel powerless and defeated; you are still a victor. Faith reminds me to love when I don't want to. To give when I don't have. And share compassion when I want to cry. Nothing stays the same for long Even troubles have boundaries That is what strengthens me That is what propels me To keep moving one step in front of the o...

Do you sometimes wonder exactly how far away is the dawn? SJ

Bought Lessons: Expected Release, 2015 Possibilities & Expectations In my opinion one of the greatest assets, of a female, is the ability to fall in love with possibility. Possibility allows us to color our future with as many colorfully brilliant scenarios that we can imagine. We are not hindered by the reality that we don’t know what the future holds but as long as it fits into one of the schemes of our planning then we are o.k. with moving forward. Don’t think that is true? Ok, well let me ask you a question. Did you marry your husband for everything he was at the time you were dating? Or did you think he would make a good father, or you two would make a good team or anything else that had not yet manifested itself in the present? I figured as much then you married the possibility. Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with possibility, it is quite healthy actually if it is used within the correct context. Possibility, or the hope that things will turn out this way...

Life Is...Choice is..Love Always Is Choice is not freedom But it is freeing to be able to make a choice Choice does not undo past decisions But it can help move progress forward Choice will not erase the harm of rejection Or the fear of the future It will not feed, nor clothe But it can lead you down a path of love That you will never regret being on -sj

Really? Why are you so against boundaries Why do you bristle at instruction Why do you hate anything that is light I am starting to think no at this point  I believe you don't want the best for  Womankind You are not even interested in providing a life line For your sister, your co-worker, your wife, your friend Love should make you say enough is enough Love should make you want to issue correction Love should make you want her to do better Love is the only choice that should be considered Love is what that child is..if she is allowed to be Love should lift up the creation Not choose to tear it down Love stayed on the cross  So you wouldn't have to But you reject it...just like you do the life that is hidden in you Are you sure you want love? Do you know love? -sj

Happy New Year Friends and Family! The other day I was browsing my Facebook page and noticed an article about abortion. I think it was a debate regarding the term limits set on legally being able to terminate a pregnancy. Whether the top of the 2nd trimester or beyond. As I read the article and a few of the 1000's of comments that followed after it...I wondered if this is what Roe vs Wade intended when they fought for a woman's right to chose? Further is it really a choice if the woman has not changed her mindset that lead to the behavior which created the unwanted pregnancy in the first place? If not then she really, in my opinion, has not bettered herself but committed to a way of living that does not profit her but instead enslaves her. There is so much birth control that is available in the U.S. that it is hard to believe that anyone, (with the exception of rape in any form), could produce something so beautiful yet unwanted. Many of the young ladies in my daughter...