In case of a "OH SNAP!! Moment Read on!!

Good Morning Family - Enjoy!

I just had to share this because it was just that powerful.  This morning as I was keeping my superman, (Nathan), company during dialysis, I started browsing through my Facebook page and came across a most interesting comment. It said:

Sometimes Our Lives Must Be Completely Shaken Up

Changed and Re-arranged To Relocate Us

To The Place We Are Meant To Be

I read this and thought..REALLY? Is this where I am meant to be on the eve of 44 driving a minivan, stalled in a second career with 3 kids 2 of whom are autistic and 1 of which has kidney disease and is waiting for a transplant. I mean is this what I was born for? Do you ever ask yourself that? Well I am having moment and need to be completely honest; and by the way for the critiques who will try and pick this apart. Being honest, having doubt, not totally sure of the details that will lead to victory, angry if this is all there is to your life is just being real. It has nothing to do with my Faith in GOD and everything to do with my humanity. I am frail, weak and sometimes I waiver. I am impatient, I want all the details, I don't want to trust I just want to know! 

I want to know why I have a desire for greatness but have to settle for being a lowly housewife...yes I said it. I have degrees, I have mad skills and I should be running something or another..creating mergers, having international meetings, setting the industry standard, having a staff of domestic divas to cook, clean and wash my clothes, and a driver. That's success. Or is it?

If GOD allowed me to obtain all of those things, would I have a desire to know Him? No I wouldn't. 

If GOD allowed me to even have a measure of the success I have dreamed of, would I want to spend the rest of my life honoring Him? No I wouldn't.

If GOD took me any other way to try and get me here, the place where my heart is open to Him, would it have worked. No, it wouldn't have. 

GOD will not violate His own principles, He is too Holy to do so, even His gift of free will He will not operate against. Therefore He presents us with choices (choose who you will serve this day) but His desire is for us to love Him and accept His will - with trust, victorious expectation and a willingness to obey. He knows what is best for us and it ain't the candy which satisfies but doesn't sustain. 

Had He allowed me to essentially destroy myself..(pin it) then I would have risked not entering into His rest, His peace, His paradise. Instead I may have gotten what I deserved which is death and eternal separation. No, He loved me to much to give me what I wanted and gave me what I needed...

My children keeps me: 

• humble
• in His presence
• in His joy
• with a heart change - they make me want to serve Him by serving them
• open to opportunities to share my faith via testimonies of God's goodness
• persistent in planting good seed, knowing that one day I will benefit from the harvest

My marriage keeps me:

• thankful
• laughing
• love on a different level
• seeking peace
• in GOD's Perfect structure
• open to opportunities to share GOD's strength to other women
• challenges me to walk in the Promises of  GOD

So a housewife I am... but lowly and unimportant I am not! My Father loves me and entrusted to me tasks that could not be accomplished by anyone else. My Father is so Perfect in His Plan for me that no matter what challenges I face or where I may find myself I can still experience His joy..and grow in my faith towards Him. 

I am glad we can talk about the "Oh, Snap" moments because once we talk it out then I know I am right where I need to be. I may not like it but it is necessary...and that brings me into His Peace.

Souljourner

*pin it explained - what man sees as success and good accomplishments may in fact turn into a pseudo-god. A false entity that lures one away with the distractions (pleasure, wealth, wrong securities) of life. So if one gains everything but loses their soul, what have they gained?

For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Mark 8:36 www.biblegateway.com

Celebration Resurrection

Greetings Readers,

As we close up Resurrection Sunday's festivities, I am taken over by a thought...How about we don't? Just like Christmas these are days that are set aside to honor the Lord and His sacrifices to save us. So why do we have to close up shop? Why not have a celebration mentality all through the year?

I challenge you as well as myself to keep the birth, death and victorious resurrection of our Lord and Savior in the forefront of your mind daily. The benefits are immediately beneficial! For example

 

• You will walk in peace all the time that your thoughts are focused on the Lord
• that means when someone cuts you off you won't retaliate
• when someone steals your parking space you wont put nails under their tires
• when you are dealing with a difficult person you won't strike back in anger
• this one may require some practice
• You will be nice and people will actually want to be around you
• You will be more opened to your state of vulnerability and the constant need of Lord
• You will want to spend more time with Him
• You will want to know more about Him 
• You will want to spend more time with Him via His written word
• Your energies will be placed in things that help the Kingdom of  God not so much in the temporal (stop acting like an ancient Egyptian, you can't take it with you)
• You will be able to discern the truth as well as the untruth with a clear mind - not of your own but that of the Lords.
• You will want to share about the Love of Christ and His beautiful gift of salvation - with courage and conviction
• Your life will reflect what you believe and that beloved is the best testimony of all
• You will have the strength and courage to acknowledge your wrong - confess it to God and apologize to the one you have offended
• You will remember GOD's promises to you and be strengthen as you go through your challenges, heart-aches and day to days

Trust me on that last one, because as we are speaking I am watching my son (age 9) complete his dialysis treatment. As of late my world has been shaken with illness but I trust GOD! Even though I am pressed right now! I know He will never leave me nor forsake me; I know that He gave His life so that I could have eternal life with Him; I know He came so I could have direct relationship with the Father; I know that GOD knows my faults and shortcomings but He sees the blood of His Son over me and I am declared to be righteous. Hallelujah! Glory to the Lamb of GOD!

Do I cry, yes

Do I despair sometimes, yes

Do I complain to the Lord, yes

Do I feel weak and unable, yes

Do I wonder what my significance is, yes

Do I get angry, yes

Do I mistreat others in the wake of my pain, sometimes yes

Do I know God is with me, yes

Am I strengthen, yes

Do I believe ALL of His promises are true, yes

Can I continue to walk on in victory through Jesus Christ, yes

Being human makes it impossible to not sin..but it isn't an excuse to stop trying to be more like and get closer too The Lord. Being human and a follower doesn't mean suffering is not going to affect me because it does. However, there is an advantage to knowing the end of my story which is victory in Christ and the gift of eternal life. Everything in between is growing pains. So I need the joy of the birth and the cross it keeps me grounded in my storm.

Do you know the end of your story? Take hold of the message from the Cross and be assured of your ending!

Topsy Turvey...

As I have mentioned before- this is our season for challenge. Our eldest and middle cubs are on the mend but our youngest one is just having a rough go at it right now. He is scheduled for a surgical procedure in the morning, which is dependent on how his flu behaves. This is the third time in less than a month that we have been admitted to somebody's hospital somewhere - (big shout out to the Nurses and staff at MCV Pediatric ward). Our short term savings has been depleted, our energy comes and goes and our emotional strength was in the red.

The thing about challenges is they rarely come in one neat little package. Take our youngest, who we knew he would one day have to have a kidney transplant closer to puberty. What we didn't know was that with the deterioration of his organs he would develop side complications. New word to add to your vocabulary Nephrotic syndrome. Basically this condition makes the body think its dehydrating while holding all of the body's fluid close to the skin. Swelling and aching joints are included on this menu.

Long story short - we have been in and out of e.r.'s, doctor's offices and specialty clinics. February of this year we were flying high then one day about 3 weeks ago everything went south. Now is a great time for a sidebar - when you have time to read the word...read. When you have time to just sit in the Master's presence then just sit; when you can dedicate real time to praying then pray. Because there may come a time when events come at you at incredible speed. It is in those times that you will need to draw on the reserve you have been depositing in your soul. It is absolutely amazing how the Holy Spirit will bring up a scripture to me that I may have read months ago and give me understanding and clarity that I was not able to receive before.

Which brings me to my next point- this season is thick I will not try and candy coat it. My husband and I have emotions that are very raw at times and we really have to work at not taking our frustrations out on each other. Our daughter, who is now 20, feels the strain that we have tried so hard to shelter her from and wants to be closer to her family especially her brothers (who knew). But this also brings about new testimonies and a deeper sense of GOD and a new level of trust that could not be achieved without going through adversity. We get to share our stories of triumph with other families who we would not have otherwise met. We get to reflect on all that The Lord has sustained us through and take comfort even though we are feeling scared, helpless and honestly sometimes useless. We also are more thankful and grateful for what the Lord has allowed because we know He is with us. That He will never leave us nor forsake  and that He knows exactly how much we can endure without caving. Not to mention how beautifully complicated He made the human body. I had no idea that the kidneys regulated so much!

What have I taken away from this experience so far? That blessings are blessings whether they are mixed or not. That GOD is super awesome and in control of far more than I can imagine. That it is okay not to have all the answers or believe when there is no physical evidence to support your faith. That its okay to be true to your feelings - cry when necessary, laugh as often as possible. That focusing on the wonderful act of breathing will usher in the Peace of the Lord...which will calm the most vicious of storms.

Some of you are deep in your season - losing loved ones, change of lifestyle due to lack of employment, an unintended or expected pregnancy or absence of one, (Sidebar- all children are gifts from GOD no matter the circumstances in which they were conceived), or even an unforeseen illness.

Remember to walk in love because the way you handle your life-walk is a great testimony and may lead someone to Christ. And that is what it is all about..Love. And when you have the comfort of God's promises backing every step you take, every move you make (sound familiar? give you a hint Sting) it makes moving forward not such an arduous or frightening task.



For your review: Romans 8:28, Psalm 23 & 91

28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. 
www.biblegateway.com

Isn't It Interesting?

Greetings Cyber Family! Let me first start by apologizing for such a long absence from my writings. 2014 has just taken off at life-speed and I have accepted the fact that I may never catch up. With that said let me share with you what has been going on...

My children from the youngest to the eldest have been struck with some type of illness. The eldest came in for spring break and ended up in the hospital, twice, and needed to extend her stay. She is back in school and recovering very well..the blessings of being 20. The middle child decided he needed to have a sore throat which turned into an infected lymph node; and the youngest said you know this would probably be a good time for my kidneys to drop in function. All of this within days sometimes hours of each other. 

Coincidence? I think not. There is no such thing. A coincidence would suggest that no one is tampering with the events that are directly affecting your life. Its the same as thinking it is just bad luck..luck does not exist because if it did then that would imply that GOD was not in complete control. That He isn't the Almighty and that He isn't the Alpha and Omega. One just simply can't be all that if they have someone else to answer too or if they can't control circumstances. GOD, Jehovah Jireh, doesn't answer to anyone. He is the answer. 

Don't believe me? Try reading the Book of Job. God always maintained control; He set limits to Satan; He and He alone decided on the duration and severity of Job's trials. Everything and everyone has to answer to the LORD. He alone formed the earth; He separated the darkness from the light;He created seasons and He made us - mankind His crowing creation. What an honor when I look all around and see God's majesty reflected in nature that He would pick me as His beautiful one. Trust He feels the same way about you!

So as my husband and I try and ride this wave I am encouraged to know that there is no hamp in stance here..(is that really a word?lol) But that my life has meaning and everything that I touch or is in my charge is carefully watched over by the one who owns it all. Jesus Christ Our Risen Lord and Savior.  He meticulously orders my steps and He decides the brevity of my challenges. That fact in and of its self is very comforting and gives me strength.

For your reflection:
Joshua 1 and Psalm 91

Taking A Moment to Say Thanks!

Happy 2014! I pray all is well with you and yours! I also expect that you have emerged from the 2013 Winter Holiday season a little more wiser, little more thankful and a little more determined to add beautiful things to someone else's life. With that said enjoy the first of many posts to come in 2014.

-Souljourner Howard

Have I told you thank you lately? I probably have not, so let me do so now. 

• Thank you for being such an awesome dad; that doesn't mean you are perfect it just means you never give up and through it all you are determined that your kids know you and your love for them. 
• Thank you for being a great husband who doesn't mind serving his wife when she is ill, down or just deserves some extra attention! It is hard for a man who didn't have a man to model from to understand 'servant love'. Our society, more specifically, our entertainment industry only focuses on the 'Eros' or erotic love and even then it is taken out of the structure the Lord intended for proper usage and maximum efficiency. It is to stay in the marriage (one man, one woman) for pleasure, for strength and making babies! So I want to make sure you know that I appreciate you for helping me around the house, keeping the kids busy so I can breathe for a few minutes or even staying up with me when I needed to finish a project or a paper. All of this you did, expecting nothing in return.
• Thank you for supporting me when I was too afraid to walk in the calling God placed on my life! You realized what I needed to do on a consistent basis and kept reminding me of it. You had no problem keeping the kids when I needed to make an appearance, nor rolling with me so I would not be alone.
• Thank you for praying over me and for me, not just when I tested your nerves, but on the regular! You are the Husbandman! The spiritual leader of our household and no matter what you feel at whatever moment, you remember that GOD has called you to speak with Him concerning the family He gave you.
• Thank you for your covering when I have no more courage to face the world. When my dreams are shattered and I feel like I have lost my way. You grab my hand or give me a hug or send me a text with a word of encouragement and that comforts me. It renews the fact that it is okay to rely on you. To trust you with my feelings. 
• Thank you for being an example of what a Man of God is on the job and in public, as well as, private places. So many of our brothers have left their posts and their children are growing up with no identity, no structure and no guidance. Feeling alone and abandoned. But for the ones who cross your path and other strong, Godly men they have hope; they learn by the model they see. They aspire to know the GOD that you serve because of the goodness He shines upon you. 
• Lastly THANK YOU for showing me your vulnerability. For not being afraid to say "babe I don't have the answers". For reminding me that you are trusting GOD when everything else says you shouldn't. For standing in the Word in our darkest moments; for holding me despite your tears when our son went to heaven. 

You are all that I need and I am thankful God has placed us in this walk together. I wouldn't be half the woman I am now if you were not all the man that you are. I love you more now than ever.

-Your Wife and Friend 

Souljourner Howard

* Reader share this with your mate! Men share with your wives, change the words though when necessary or it might sound kinda creepy lol. Women share this with your husbands. Let them know that we can't do this alone..we need them, their children need them, the world needs them. Only through love will our world be changed; only through example will a godless generation be affected for Christ!

Remember who you are, as you celebrate Whose you are

³⁸ Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. ³⁹ And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’^[a] feet and heard His word. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.”

⁴¹ And Jesus^[b] answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. ⁴² But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”  Luke 10:38 (www.biblegateway.com)

Makes you think about some things huh? I mean we are in the most glorious of seasons, celebrating the birth of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! It is a time full of festive activities, family gatherings and re-connections. It is a time to lavish the ones we love and the ones in need with the best that our hands can give. However, it is also a time of stress, busyness, frustration and want. I guess everything, in this world, has its down side. 

We are challenged to continue to remember and operate in the reason for the season which is Jesus. But maybe if we remember that our GOD is love and desires more than anything to have relationship with us on a daily, hourly and minute by minute basis we will stay grounded. 

Spending daily devotional time with the Lord helps keep our focus, gives us energy and the correct perspective for the day. Placing Him first gives us the blessed assurance that He is always with us. Knowing that He is with us tempers our actions; where we might be frustrated we remember why He came; where we might be alone we remember that He loves us; where we might be prone to give into anger He reminds us of the peace He has left us. Without this daily refueling and fellowship we will fail in many of the things we, with good intentions, try to complete in our own strength. 

He has given us power and permission to show the world about His Love, His Mission, His Sovereignty, His Grace, His Awesome Majesty through our actions. Not the gifts we buy, the gatherings we host, no they are only instruments; and I caution you, as well as myself, that unless our actions are motivated by Love- Christ's Love then we are operating under the wrong motives. 

In our bible passage we see Martha dutifully going about hostess duties, making sure all the wreathes are hung just right; that each guest has enough coffee or tea; that all of the food is perfect in its presentation; that the sofa has the right amount of pillows on it...okay its a stretch but you get my point. Interestingly she had the Master in her house, right in His presence but she still got caught up in the day to days (the cares of the world) and her desire to please actually turned into a perfection tantrum. So much so that she was unable to recognize the treasure that was in her very midst! God appreciated everything she was doing and that was enough; she had a heart to serve and that honored Him. But all of the extra she required of herself, He didn't require of her. He just wanted her time and she needed desperately to sit in His presence. Can you relate? I can!

So friends..as this week unfolds and the end of the year draws ever nearer purpose to spend quality time with the Lord after all He is the Guest of Honor!

Peace, Health, and The Lord's Blessings Be Upon You!
Souljourner

Wow Moments Never Grow Old

Greetings Reader,

It is a time for sharing! Enjoy:

I was re-reading one of my favorite books You're Late Again, Lord by Karon Phillips Goodman and I had an epiphany! Mrs. Goodman has a wonderful and witty way of exposing your faults not to make you feel bad but to encourage you to seek the Lord. In one of the passages she confessed that "I always wanted to complete the waiting, and I cared little about what benefits were in it for me" (Goodman, 2002) The wait she is referring to is the time in your life where you feel like you are stuck. Can't move forward won't go backward so you are just there. Well I have been in one of these waits for what seems like an eternity and had become very burnt out on life. To the point where I no longer wanted to be involved in any activity, social outing or anything that would require me to get out of clean pj's to make an appearance. But then just when I was settling, at least I thought I was, into my wait..determined to make something productive of the time being spent, a great opportunity was presented to me. I am now working with some of our most beautiful exceptional ed students at one of my local elementary schools. Any other time I would have shyed away from the opportunity because I have my own children who are on the spectrum and it seemed to be a bit much. 

I have never been so happy to be so wrong. I love working with these kids! They are sweet, demanding, misunderstood but determined to make their own way. They actually remind me alot of myself and my relationship with Our Father. How so? Well let me explain it to you by using an example. On a regular day one of my students was having a particularly hard time adjusting to the rigors of school. He screamed, he hollered, he tantrumed, he tried to bargain, he demanded, he insulted and finally he he just sat quiet. Before the melt-down he earned a time-out and needed to serve it before joining his class for recess. In those moments as he sat on the rug and I watched the timer and looked upon him with compassion but resignation I wondered if that is what the Lord does with us sometimes? I mean I am never one for a longer than necessary wait and if I do a and b and c is expected then that is what I expect. Not a delay or d. I am impatient and can get frustrated really quick. I don't like to trust, I just want to know. So I mused how many times have I been like my student having an all out fit because a wait imposed on me by the Lord because the lesson I needed to learn would aid me in my success later? How many times have I bargained or got mad or frustrated and demanded answers from the All Knowing God because I refused to trust without seeing it first? God being so gracious and omniscient  knows that I can't move on and successfully navigate the next level of challenges life will bring me without getting this particular lesson or lessons first. So He keeps me in a holding pattern, if you will, or a wait. 

In this time there is so much too learn and it can be productive and positive if I don't resent or try to manipulate the timing. Abraham and Sarah did that and we are still receiving the consequences of that action. But GOD! He knows and still He doesn't give up on me or you...when the timer alarmed and the student was allowed to join his classmates we went over what not to do next time and I hugged him and sent him out the door. He got his freedom but when he gets the lesson he will be even more free, so much so that he will not want to return to what got him there in the first place. 

I want to be like that student so I have made a conscious choice to enjoy my wait. Enjoy the journey without knowing how it all fits together but understanding my work is a necessary component to GOD's unfinished plan. Unfinished because I am still on His wheel being shaped, molded, corrected, built up, polished  and finished to perfection.