I am Still A Champion

My fear caught me off guard today

Tears kept leaking from my hiding place

I am so full

I don't know how to release

My days are off

I feel like I am lost

There are no breaks

No one to shelter me

Who can I call?

Who understands me?

Who can encourage the encourager?

Mom what is for breakfast

Mom what is for lunch

Mom I need, can I have

It never ends

Their life shouldn't be interrupted

Because their mom is having a moment...

Cereal for dinner has never hurt anyone

I resolve to find the hidden pleasures in my day

I will not be defeated

I am a Champion!

-sj

Struggle

I fought and pushed

You gently guided

I was angry

You hugged me with a breeze

I was confused

Storms inside me were moving

At the speed of life

You spoke

My waters were calmed

I am still unsure

But I know You I can trust

You are my help

My soul’s Redeemer

Still I struggle with myself

I am only living clay

Help me when the fragility of my nature

Covers me,

Entangles me,

Stifles me,

Overtakes me

The shadow of your Majesty

Reminds me of how

Tiny I am

A microcosm of thought and emotions

But still You watch over me

I don’t understand Your ways

You assure me that I don’t have too

The lake glistens with life

The air is sweetly perfumed

The sky is adorned beautifully

I am reminded that You are with me

My courage has returned

Thank you for seeing past my anger

I wear your strength as a shield

My challenges will not overtake me

-sj

Two Eggs With Bacon

I knew when my eyes 

finally focused 

and acknowledged the new day

I wasn't ready

I knew when I heard the familiar sounds of the morning

I wasn't ready

I knew when I wished someone else could fry the bacon

Or butter the toast

I wasn't ready

But that no longer mattered

Like a soldier called into battle

Ready wasn't an option

It's a requirement

-sj

1 Sugar, 2 Creams Please

I didn't want today

No particular reason

I just wanted to stay in my dreamscape

Sleep is such a sweet release

Nothing makes sense

But it doesn't have too

I don't struggle to understand

What's happening around me

It's curious and even entertaining

My mind is free

I love it, I crave it

It is my addiction

Now you understand why the dawn

Was greeted with mourning

The chores of the day screaming at me

Invading my space

My palace of peace

Where is my comfort?

Who will aide me?

Can someone else fix breakfast

Can someone else get me coffee

1 sugar, 2 creams please

-sj

Word to Who Want to Be Wise

My Word is Life. It is Truth. It is Prophetic...so I suggest you read the last pages of that book you don't want believe

-GOD

Two Sides

I bet you didn't know

That I have been to the edge and back

I have stared at the abyss and it has talked

Smack

I bet you didn't know that my love is fierce

I will kill a brick over mine

I have cried many tears

I bet you didn't know that I believe mountains can be moved

The blind can see

And the lame walk

I bet you didn't know that if my mountain did not move

Praise will still be in my spark

If the darkness still stays

If the rain never slows

If grief fills some of my days

I still remain

Maybe a little shaken

But never broken

I am one who is victorious

Do you know who gave His life in service?

I don't know if you do know

Come to think of it...I don't know you that well either

Let's change that because you are my neighbor

I am willing

If you are

Even if you aren't

The love in me is

-sj

Interesting

Today I had the privilege of helping a friend out. Her Great-Aunt had passed and she wanted to be at the funeral services. So I packed up my kids, rushed out the house this morning met her and drove to where she could pay her final respects. We talked about a few things, we always enjoy each others company.

Eventually we arrived in Chester, (about 25 minute drive from Richmond), found the church where services were being held and dropped our friend off. The boys and I headed to a local restaurant to grab some lunch. I still have not adjusted to the overgrowing hunger associated with adolescent boys. Anyway, as we sat in the restaurant and I watched the boys eat I couldn't help but notice how the people came in, ordered their lunch and searched for a place to eat. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing wrong or offensive about it at all. But what did strike me as interesting  as we sat in the sun-room area, (myself the boys and one other young man at a separate table), was how people would peek in the room and decide to sit either elsewhere or close to their own race.

I wondered what was so offensive about a middle-age woman who was having lunch with two little boys. There were at least 3 tables in between us and the next gentleman but a couple came in looked around and decided to sit one table away from him on the other side of the room. Clearly my side had the most space. However he was white and so was the couple.

Okay, whatever. I dismissed it as a coincidence. Of course as a woman of Faith I know there is no such things as a coincidence. So the boys continued munching on their food unaware of how we were being sized up and I continued to watch all that was coming in and going out. It is my duty to protect my children so I will always pick the table with the best vantage point and if I am really on my job we will be right in the middle of two exits. Blame it on my brother who served in the U.S. Military..he taught me a lot. It is not that I felt in danger or threatened Chester seemed to be full of good hard working folk. But still I watched while pulling double duty as I monitored the children's conversation. Soon a young Hispanic or Latino woman entered the sun-room area with her two young children and you know where she sat? One table from me.

A couple of brothers who obviously worked on a construction site came in along with a few who got out of a taxi. The two men in my area eyed them with expectant curiosity. Oh if I could give them a penny for their thoughts. What were they thinking? More importantly what had they been taught to think?

As the boys were wrapping up their lunch I smiled at the young family. I even glanced at the couple who had decided to sit at the opposite end of the room. They didn't know that I hold 2 Master degrees, a teaching certification and over 20+ years of working experience. They didn't know that I have been to the edge and back with our sons. Especially the youngest one. They didn't know that I was married or that my husband and I have had to fight for every piece of joy in our union. They didn't know that I believe in the birth, death and Resurrection of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

No they didn't. They knew me as some woman with a couple of kids at a local fast food establishment who happened to be African-American. What I learned today is that it has been a long time since the walls of segregation have been torn down. But we sometimes act as though they still exist.

-Sj
ps my friend was white and I count her a blessing in my life

Just Perhaps

Perhaps we should return to the days of no electricity

Back then we sought His light

Or maybe we should return to the time where a man had only 2 pairs of shoes

1 for work

1 for worship

It maybe a good thing to not have food in over abundance

We stayed hungry for Him

We shared more

We could probably do without so many mirrors

Then maybe we could be our brothers keeper

Perhaps every town just needs one well

Not a faucet in every kitchen

Then we would know our neighbor & their children

How much more we could talk if we didn't have phones

Maybe we should go back to when  a man's word was his bond

His yes was his yes and his no was a no

And he feared God

Can we return to when Eve was proud to be a mom

When she didn't look at her children as a curse

Maybe then the doors of the clinic will close

Blood would stop bringing a profit

We should return back to when a Man cared about his honor

And knew his offspring by name

He worked hard but honestly

And everyone was happy to see Daddy come home

America your affluent state has caused you to lose your way

No longer are you the leader

Or prosperous in your role to be set apart

For purposes higher then your imagination

It's time to return to your roots

For your sake and the welfare of your children

The devourer is coming

The enemy is swelling in your walls

-sj

Declaration of Life

I will claim You

when no one else will

I will stand

when i am alone

I will love

without giving in

I will speak

without fear

I will educate without apology

i will not humble

Righteous indignation

i will not take from Your Word

I will not forget who I am

i am Yours

Fearfully and wonderfully You have created me

for your purpose I walk

I will fight for the weak

i will protect the innocent

I will not keep my life from You

my well being is a non factor

The servant is not above The Master

with courage I will live

In hopeful expectation I will enter Your rest

a servants reward is what I seek

You will is for me not against me

my life will live Your love

-sj

Its Enough

Like a brook my tears flow

glistening, shining down my face

the color of red clay You made me

with freckles dotted all over

short are the arms You gave me

but wide enough to hold a child

You completed me without great stature

but still gave me dominion

Your grace filled me with gifts

So that I could bring You Glory

Your challenges, my consequences have left their mark

I am humbled

I am wary of the trappings of pride

Your mercy has driven me

Now to share You with others

Your love has sustained me

When the world bites

The wound doesn't stay for long

Your forgiveness has liberated me

Now I know where my power lies

I too can forgive

Your death gave me life

I don't understand

I am limited

And frail

You remind me that acceptance

Doesn't need understanding

You are God

That is enough

You made me

-sj

My Desire

I want the world to know my story

I want to share with them

Your Awesomeness

I want to communicate

Your beauty that takes my breath away

I want to tell them

How You have sustained me

How You have taken me from

a lowly wretched thing

To your child un-denied

I want to reveal to them

That I was a diamond in the rough

But you always knew I was

I want everyone to know You

To love on You

To allow You to love on Them

To feel the sweetness of Your touch

Disguised in a Spring Breeze

To know Your endless generosity

Painted in every sunrise

To believe that You are all that You say You are

Evident in every rainbow

I want them to not be afraid of Your return

But to watch the skies for it

I want the world to know You

But....

It can't

Blessed be the name of the Lord

-sj

My God, My God

My God...

Thank you

You sustained me

You covered me

You cried out for me

You spoke to my deep

You held me firm

The winds surrounded me

The rain howled at me

The ground broke open under my feet

The mountains screamed

I was deaf I couldn't hear

Death threatened me

But my soul knew You

It rested in Your comfort

My spirit knew Your peace

YAHWEH,

ABBA

JEHOVAH

I know your names

I am so so happy you know mine

Praises my tears sing to You

You are my comfort

I rest in You

-sj

YAHWEH

When I despaired

You were there

When I lost my sight

You were there

When I doubted

You were there

When I didn't want to go on

You moved me

When I wanted the ground to cover me
in silent finality

You sent your breeze to remind me

I live

When I couldn't lift my hands to fight

You met me on my knees

You strengthen me

Where I was weak

You set the boundaries of my challenges

You sheltered me in the shadow of the mountain

You collected my tears

How precious I am to You

How beautiful You are to me

-sj

A Bitter Thing is Sometimes the Sweetest!

I was reminded this morning that on this exact day last year Nathan had completed his first dialysis treatment at MCV Hospital. My Facebook memories tag said here is a memory a year ago today! Would you like to make any comments..

(Oh Boy! - Tony Stark)  I don't know what you see when you look through your memories or even if you go on my FB page and check out my photos. But what I see is a little boy so full of life and hope that it pushed us to go on. Nathan was so very brave. He didn't understand everything that was happening to him but he went through it.

Every member of our family will have taken something different from the experiences of 2014. Each one of us has a different account of events and a few stories to tell. Kinda like the Gospels if you think about it. Matthew, Mark, Luke & John all gave us an account of the life and times of Jesus Christ. They allowed us to glimpse into events that lead up to the Crucifixion, burial and Resurrection. Each of them retelling the events in their style to their audience. Nathan's experience was no different.

When I reflect back to 4/8/14 what immediately comes to mind are all of the actions that preceded that day. How Nathan developed a side condition that robbed him of the minerals in his body and caused fluid build up in his extremities. It was so painful that he would cry out and when we would come to his aid we would find his fingers and his toes twisted with severe cramping. I remember still trying to work and have some semblance of normality. My sense of balance was off and I couldn't tell the difference between the ceiling and the floor. But God had me stay in Luke 1 on and off for the better part of the previous year. I kept wondering why I had to read the same story, the same scriptures over and over not being able to move forward in my bible. But now I understand! Before the storm of change presented itself He needed to prepare me. Through His Word I would learn how to encourage myself. I would learn how to dig deep into that Word He gave me and find comfort and solace! That Word provided me a safe haven when my peace was threatened. That same Word gave me Hope that I was not alone nor forgotten! That very beautiful Word of God showed me how mighty He is! The Great I AM! The Alpha and Omega! Hallelujah My Great Provider! He looked ahead through time and knew that I would need a word to nourish me during this exhausting trial!

He loved me enough to inconvenience me, to drive that Word in me, to prepare me. God is so very, very AWESOME.

I had so many days where I almost forgot how to read. I saw the words on the page but couldn't comprehend the language. My language in my native tongue..I am an American. So many times I didn't think I could breath the weight was so heavy on me. Food had lost its taste and sleep had lost its lure. It was so incredibly hard to keep going; day after day not knowing when the trial was going to end.

But My Abba Father would drop little nuggets along the way. Friends like you who would make a meal for us. Drop a card of encouragement in the mail or send a gift card or financial support. Even when Anthony's boss turned into a Saul and wouldn't help him with his after hours rotation or report to other employees that he was "gunning for him". HE still kept us in His perfect peace. Despite Anthony working all day then spending the night with Nathan so I could get a reprieve and me leaving the hospital before 7 a.m. so I could get Myles, grab supplies and see his dad off to work. He held our family together. And when we got the call in August that a suitable donor was available His Wings covered me as I fell apart. I went in my closet and I lost it. I screamed, I cried, I was filled with terror and uncertainty. I missed my family, my sisters..I wanted my mom and dad; but no one was available to come to our aid. God kept His Glory to Himself....He would not allow us lean on anyone but Him. We had to learn that in our fear we could trust Him.

Oh God, Oh God! Yahweh! My Redeemer..My God I am trying to write through my tears! He kept His Word! He stood by His Promises to me and my family! Hallelujah! Glory to the King!

And He can and will be all that to you and more! Your cross is no less difficult than mine! Your mountains are still mountains even if they are not the same as mine. Our GOD, if you have accepted His gift of Salvation, is the same for you as it is for me! If you have not crossed over and made that pertinent life giving, soul saving decision to follow Christ Jesus. I encourage you to strongly consider it. I will not lie to you and say life will be much easier but with Jesus it is much sweeter. I still get challenged, I still cry, I still wish I wasn't me some days. But God reminds me that I am His and He is with me. To be completely honest His will is sometimes a bitter thing to follow but it is always so much better in the end!

Go with Grace and grow in God. Lord of Lords. King of Kings. Let Him love on you today!

-sj

Joshua 1:5-9
Psalm 27
Deuteronomy 13:6
Romans 8:38

April Rain

my heart pours out

my arms ache

to hold your children

my thoughts swirl

too much to understand

I struggle

Trying to place logic on chaos

Where is my comfort?

Where is yours?

Truly I weep for you

-sj

Anguish

the pride is silenced
it has been broken
the young ones are no more

taken by a coward
one who holds no honor
an impostor of justice

no cubs to nurse
but her breast are full

carefully she searches for one
feverishly moving thru the brush
no glimmer of life to be found
still she continues

the future has been struck down
the lines have been cut

but their is still hope
her womb will open again

-sj

Untitled

Death is an enigma
for us who serve the Lamb
it is a right of passage

for those who refuse His gifts
it is a short way to damnation

Death is not the end
but it is frightening

Death means separation
but for His children only for a little while

Death brings sorrow
grief beyond measure
but only until The Morning arrives

even Death has a boundary


-sj

Mere De Afrique

Mother we mourn with you
the ground drenched
with the essence of your children

Mother we grieve with you
lifelessness fills up the room
so much promise
so many gifts

Wasted

Mother the fruit of your womb
we will not forget
our little brothers
our little sisters
brave until the end
we cry with you

May our tears bring you strength

Mother you are not alone
we mourn with you

-sj

Tears for Kenya

I thought you were defeated

That death had claimed you

I came to mourn

But you were not there

The air isn't cold

The trees are not stark

Nor barren

The cardinal flies around

Looking for a nest

What is this? How can it be so much life?

The earth swells with newness

Does it not know you are missing?

Does it not know you are gone?

My tears can't be contained

My chest is burdened with grief

I have lost myself

I don't see the cherry blossoms

I don't smell the grass

I don't hear the humming bird

But I do feel a breeze...

Warm, comforting secure

It surrounds me

It reminds me

My senses open

You are all around me

I hear your wings

Joy returns

-sj

National Kidney Walk A thon!

National Kidney Walk A Thon

Coming to Central Virginia

NOVEMBER 7

INNSBROOK PAVILION

9 a.m.

http://donate.kidney.org/site/TR/Walk/Virginias?pg=entry&fr_id=7640

Circles

I will meet you where I can

Some circles we can flow in and out of

Seamlessly

Blending laughing loving

But when you go where I can not

I will leave you where you are

Concerned for you I will always be

Wondering how you are

Will frequent my thoughts

I enjoy your company when I can

As you do mine

My loyalty is different than yours

I will not part from Him

I can't go where you go

However, you are always welcomed to travel with me

-sj

Clarification without Apology Pt 2

Now people of Faith also have responsibilities in this arena.  We must not be mean, condescending or prejudice. We must always maintain our professionalism and be ready to explain why God said what He said about marriage. We must always be willing to pray for those who we know are on a dark path and risk their soul's salvation. We must be willing to share that despite all of our faults Jesus Christ still loves us and wants us to come to His side. Because trust He ain't moving over to anyone else's. We must walk in Love!!

We must be able to agree to disagree with our neighbors in the LGBT community in a respectful way. We must show love, not hatred or indifference and support members and businesses of the Faith community. We must not try and separate ourselves from everyone else but interact in the hopes of spreading the message of the Gospel. God will hold us accountable for our actions just as He will hold them.

If you are not in the business of providing services for marital ceremonies then you do not grounds to refuse service to a member of the LGBT community. I would hate for a hospital to interpret the Religious Freedom Act as a means to not help a gay man who is sick. Or for a restaurant, to refuse to serve a meal, (not a catering event that is up to the restaurants discretion if  they are Faith believers), to a lesbian couple. I also wouldn't want a school, sports club, daycare or other entity to refuse entrance to a member because of their orientation or their parents orientation. Of course this opens up the discussion of whether or not Boy Scouts should allow openly gay scouts the opportunity to participate and hold positions of leadership. Yes to participation no to leadership. Why? Because we are training boys to be young men and like all humans we will follow examples set before us.

Do I dislike the LGBT community? I dislike what they stand for because God said in His Word that this practice is an abomination to Him. I don't want people to risk spending an eternity without God because of the lifestyle choices they make here on earth. No I am not saying all members of the LGBT community are going to Hell. I can't make that call. I am just saying they like all people who refuse God's gift of salvation and/or live expressly against His edicts are risking it. You might be saying to yourself - Hey Souljourner, there are plenty in the LGBT community who believe in God and go to church, are good American loving, tax paying citizens. So how can you say they don't believe in or have a relationship with God? And I would answer you with the same statement as I would people who are cohabiting without being married, having kids outside of wedlock, stealing, lying, cheating and practicing idolatry. A tree is known by the fruit it bears. (Matthew 7 15-20) Jesus asks us to come to Him as we are in all of our mess, but His love doesn't allow us to stay in it!

While you are choosing who you are going to serve remember a student is not above the teacher, as a servant is not above their Master. Standing for Christ is an offense to this world but living without Him is a death sentence.

Live, love and laugh
-sj

Clarification without Apology Pt 1

Good Morning Readers!

I woke up this morning thinking about the latest rounds of discussion regarding the Religious Freedom act in Indiana. Yesterday in response to the discussion I made a post on Facebook taking the stance that some discrimination is completely unavoidable and necessary to protect the interest of the Faith Community. I felt that my comments did not accurately reflect my thoughts so I wanted to take this opportunity to explain myself a little further. In the end you still may not agree with me and that is okay. My job is to educate and empower. Disagreement is par for the course.

Let me start by first posting what I said on FaceBook yesterday;

Indiana now Arkansas

Interesting stuff going on in the political arena and honestly, there is no way for any one who lives contrary to God's design to not be offended. 

Discrimination with a purpose and that is to uphold the precepts of God. I won't deny that it is anything else but discrimination.

But people of faith are also being discriminated against by the government they help support and states they help fund and the business community. Actually that is the wrong word..Bullied is probably the better term.

Stand people of faith! Stand in love! Stand firm and allow the overflow of God's compassion to fuel your discussion when speaking to people outside of your faith.

Always be ready to explain why we believe what believe and who God is. Also don't be afraid to share the consequences of living a life against God. Then be prepared to part in peace because some of us will plant the seed; some water, but God always gives the increase. And there is nothing offensive about that

-sj

As many of you know and if not you can probabably surmise from this post that I am a Woman of Faith and believe in the death, burial and resurrection of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I believe every word of the Bible and in every promise that God has made. I also believe in the structure that He has set forth for marriage and family: 1 man and 1 woman coming together in Holy Matrimony.  I also believe that abortion is not a good choice or a form of birth control it is genocide. Now if you are still with me I will clarify my comments about acceptable discrimination. 

There is a huge rift in our communities regarding the legalization of gay marriage. In many states it has been sanctioned, approved and accepted. The President of the United States has lent his support to the LGBT movement and the momentum doesn't show signs of slowing down. With all of these obvious advances for the gay community it has come at a cost: There are issues in our military where some of our Chaplins who do not support same-sex unions are being ostracized. Churches are divided between those who support the homosexual agenda and those who don't. Businesses who will not service same-sex couples are being charged with discrimination. Business who will not support insurance premiums that cover the cost of an abortion are also in the same boat. Local and Federal governments have enacted policies that protect LGBT from all forms of discrimination. Which they should. Yes you heard me it is not right for a person to not be hired based on their sexual orientation. It is also wrong to deny property or the opportunity to rent based on sexual orientation. It is also wrong to refuse service to solely on their sexual orientation, unless it goes against the principles of that business. 

If you are a bakery whose faith prohibits same-sex marriage then you should have the right to refuse service to gay and lesbian clients. If you are a florist, a printer, a coordinator, a reception hall, an event planner, a photographer or a limo rental company and you are a person committed to a Faith that prohibits such practices then your rights ought to be protected just like the rights of the LGBT community. 

There are plenty of people who support LGBT and will be more than happy to take their money in exchange of goods and services. 

The same with a woman's right to choose. Her choice doesn't mean someone else gets the bill. If you are going to be grown then be grown that means that you clean up your own mess and pay your own way. 

I think the Religious Freedom Act needs some distinct clarification but it is necessary to protect the members of the Faith community from being persecuted because of their religious beliefs.

Stay tuned for part 2

-sj