Remember who you are, as you celebrate Whose you are

³⁸ Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. ³⁹ And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’^[a] feet and heard His word. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.”

⁴¹ And Jesus^[b] answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. ⁴² But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”  Luke 10:38 (www.biblegateway.com)

Makes you think about some things huh? I mean we are in the most glorious of seasons, celebrating the birth of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! It is a time full of festive activities, family gatherings and re-connections. It is a time to lavish the ones we love and the ones in need with the best that our hands can give. However, it is also a time of stress, busyness, frustration and want. I guess everything, in this world, has its down side. 

We are challenged to continue to remember and operate in the reason for the season which is Jesus. But maybe if we remember that our GOD is love and desires more than anything to have relationship with us on a daily, hourly and minute by minute basis we will stay grounded. 

Spending daily devotional time with the Lord helps keep our focus, gives us energy and the correct perspective for the day. Placing Him first gives us the blessed assurance that He is always with us. Knowing that He is with us tempers our actions; where we might be frustrated we remember why He came; where we might be alone we remember that He loves us; where we might be prone to give into anger He reminds us of the peace He has left us. Without this daily refueling and fellowship we will fail in many of the things we, with good intentions, try to complete in our own strength. 

He has given us power and permission to show the world about His Love, His Mission, His Sovereignty, His Grace, His Awesome Majesty through our actions. Not the gifts we buy, the gatherings we host, no they are only instruments; and I caution you, as well as myself, that unless our actions are motivated by Love- Christ's Love then we are operating under the wrong motives. 

In our bible passage we see Martha dutifully going about hostess duties, making sure all the wreathes are hung just right; that each guest has enough coffee or tea; that all of the food is perfect in its presentation; that the sofa has the right amount of pillows on it...okay its a stretch but you get my point. Interestingly she had the Master in her house, right in His presence but she still got caught up in the day to days (the cares of the world) and her desire to please actually turned into a perfection tantrum. So much so that she was unable to recognize the treasure that was in her very midst! God appreciated everything she was doing and that was enough; she had a heart to serve and that honored Him. But all of the extra she required of herself, He didn't require of her. He just wanted her time and she needed desperately to sit in His presence. Can you relate? I can!

So friends..as this week unfolds and the end of the year draws ever nearer purpose to spend quality time with the Lord after all He is the Guest of Honor!

Peace, Health, and The Lord's Blessings Be Upon You!
Souljourner

Wow Moments Never Grow Old

Greetings Reader,

It is a time for sharing! Enjoy:

I was re-reading one of my favorite books You're Late Again, Lord by Karon Phillips Goodman and I had an epiphany! Mrs. Goodman has a wonderful and witty way of exposing your faults not to make you feel bad but to encourage you to seek the Lord. In one of the passages she confessed that "I always wanted to complete the waiting, and I cared little about what benefits were in it for me" (Goodman, 2002) The wait she is referring to is the time in your life where you feel like you are stuck. Can't move forward won't go backward so you are just there. Well I have been in one of these waits for what seems like an eternity and had become very burnt out on life. To the point where I no longer wanted to be involved in any activity, social outing or anything that would require me to get out of clean pj's to make an appearance. But then just when I was settling, at least I thought I was, into my wait..determined to make something productive of the time being spent, a great opportunity was presented to me. I am now working with some of our most beautiful exceptional ed students at one of my local elementary schools. Any other time I would have shyed away from the opportunity because I have my own children who are on the spectrum and it seemed to be a bit much. 

I have never been so happy to be so wrong. I love working with these kids! They are sweet, demanding, misunderstood but determined to make their own way. They actually remind me alot of myself and my relationship with Our Father. How so? Well let me explain it to you by using an example. On a regular day one of my students was having a particularly hard time adjusting to the rigors of school. He screamed, he hollered, he tantrumed, he tried to bargain, he demanded, he insulted and finally he he just sat quiet. Before the melt-down he earned a time-out and needed to serve it before joining his class for recess. In those moments as he sat on the rug and I watched the timer and looked upon him with compassion but resignation I wondered if that is what the Lord does with us sometimes? I mean I am never one for a longer than necessary wait and if I do a and b and c is expected then that is what I expect. Not a delay or d. I am impatient and can get frustrated really quick. I don't like to trust, I just want to know. So I mused how many times have I been like my student having an all out fit because a wait imposed on me by the Lord because the lesson I needed to learn would aid me in my success later? How many times have I bargained or got mad or frustrated and demanded answers from the All Knowing God because I refused to trust without seeing it first? God being so gracious and omniscient  knows that I can't move on and successfully navigate the next level of challenges life will bring me without getting this particular lesson or lessons first. So He keeps me in a holding pattern, if you will, or a wait. 

In this time there is so much too learn and it can be productive and positive if I don't resent or try to manipulate the timing. Abraham and Sarah did that and we are still receiving the consequences of that action. But GOD! He knows and still He doesn't give up on me or you...when the timer alarmed and the student was allowed to join his classmates we went over what not to do next time and I hugged him and sent him out the door. He got his freedom but when he gets the lesson he will be even more free, so much so that he will not want to return to what got him there in the first place. 

I want to be like that student so I have made a conscious choice to enjoy my wait. Enjoy the journey without knowing how it all fits together but understanding my work is a necessary component to GOD's unfinished plan. Unfinished because I am still on His wheel being shaped, molded, corrected, built up, polished  and finished to perfection. 

Isn't That Interesting

It is the Saturday before Christmas and I am not out shopping or competing with the hustle and bustle of the last minute crowd. Have I bought anything? Absolutely not. Normally I would be wheeling and dealing to try and make sure my children received a few things off of their list; but this year is different. This year I just don't want to to. This year I just want to celebrate the simplicity of life. I want to hang out with family and friends, play board games, eat (not too much) holiday food and just appreciate life. I thank GOD for the peace He has given me. I thank Him for allowing me to see more purpose in the everyday's and not be concerned with productivity of them. I am just loving life and more appreciative of His Son's miraculous arrival on Earth and humbled at His plan to save humanity.

The mall doesn't hold that type of revelation joy! Neither does a 25% off sale or extended ours...I am good. And honestly GOD always surprises me and the children end of up getting more than they need or can carry. So why go through the stress of trying to make something out of nothing? Don't get me wrong I love creature comforts and if I could run out and make purchases I would but I,(we), are not in a position to do so. But I am in the position to watch the Lord work and provide. So I content myself and remain thankful as the Lord works in my life and in the lives of others around me.

Remember you are already blessed beyond measure because you  have been given the gift of salvation from the Lord Jesus Christ. Embrace the day! Live the Season..all year long.

Peace & Love
Souljourner

The Cycle of Knowlededge

The More I live, The More I Learn.

The More I Learn, The More I live.

-Souljourner

River City Buddy Ball

 Good Morning Family! I wanted to make you aware of an awesome group of people that work with my sons and kids like them. River City Buddy Ball of Richmond Virginia; what makes them so special is that they ensure that all children especially our children who are challenged with autism, MD, processing delays (MR), down syndrome have an opportunity to play sports. They are kids who love to run and play with other children. They provide jersey's, play facilities and treats at no cost to the parents. For more information see www.rivercitybuddyball.org

Now that I have introduced you to a cause close to my heart. Please take a moment to browse pampered chef products and consider making a purchase. All purchases up to 12/20/13 will yield a 15% donation to buddy ball. So calling all chefs and those who are aspiring to be! Come and check out the goodies at : www.pamperedchef.biz/indygriffin make a purchase and help our kids! 
www.pamperedchef.biz/amywhite go under search hosts click indy griffin, richmond va. 
Here are some great pics of the kids...shameful bribary!

There is Happiness tucked into every day if you choose to find it!

I will be the first to admit that some days are more challenging than others. You know it's gonna be one of those days when you can't find your keys; or you fight with the kids to get out the door on time or someone forgets a book bag or leaves a lunchbox on the back seat. No matter what makes you look up to the sky and go ARRRGGGHHH, there is still something salvageable in that day.

It's never as bad as it seems it is when we you are going through it. And if you would remember that going through is actually a action phrase which means nothing is standing still and the moment is passing right before your eyes. It might make you smile the next time you lock your keys in the car or forget to grab gas before you run into the traffic jam on the way to work.

Not every moment is a hooray moment but I would challenge you to find a piece of happiness on the worst of your days. It's like taking a spoon full of sugar to help the medicine go down. I am doing that right now as I listen to my two little people communicate in a language only they understand. I can say I am thankful they are talking even though it is in 3rd person and doesn't always make sense. I also do it when their processing delay is so evident I have to wait almost a full minute to get an answer to a question.  I also do it when I think of the reality that they may never be able to operate on their on as adults..but then I don't know the future and so far I have been pleasantly surprised with their obvious leaps and bounds of progress.

It's kinda like this...you don't get a rainbow until after the rain.

Souljourner

What Are We Thinking?

Ok, I just had to blog about this and I am so fired up I can guarantee this will be a 2 part-er maybe more.

So there I was in the nail salon, getting a little T.L.C to me before I am locked in the house with the kids and the husband for many, many, many (x's infinity) days, when a commercial comes on the Tele. At first I didn't really pay much attention to it  but then I noticed the melody the jingle was based on and I was completely appalled. Mouth open and everything!

It was JcPenny and they had a bunch of actors on a movable fireplace complete with all of the trimmings of the season. I was like gaudy but ok whatever, but the song they were singing to was Do you Hear What I Hear..look it up on youTube. That is what got me; we have completely lost our minds folks. Instead of thanking GOD for making it thus far in the year and blessing His Holy and Righteous name we settle for singing, praising and worshiping the gods of greed, self and materialism.

How can you have CHRISTMAS without Christ? Regardless of what you choose to believe JESUS CHRIST is the reason we have a Christmas Season so stop allowing Him to be deleted out of it. I was so disgusted by JcP and Kmart I have decided to not spend any more of my money at either place during this sacred time of year. Retail, television and the whole entertainment industry has made a mockery of CHRIST and we are letting them get a way with it. I thought we were supposed to defend the Gospel, to stand firm and proud for what we believe, to encourage others to accept the gift of Christ. Instead are we standing idly by completely lost in the feeding frenzy?

Jesus Christ the Son of GOD came to the lowest, most helpless and poorest of society to show them the way of truth and life. He didn't come with a light show or on anyone's sleigh. He came peacefully and humbly. Not only do we have an obligation to teach our kids the reason why the season was established but we also need to teach by example how Christ would want us to act. We are one of the richest countries in the world...so why do we have such a high poverty rate for working families? Why do we have any homeless citizens? Why do our food banks hit crisis mode in peak seasons?

Because we are all about the Me-Phi-Me cause. Listen folks, 90% of what you purchase is going to end up in a second hand shop, 5% is going to be lost or stolen or broken and the other 5% the receivers are just not going to like and return it for something they do. Now before you say..she has went off on the deep in let me defend myself by saying I like nice things. But I no longer let the pursuit of those things keep me from focusing or sharing why we celebrate. I don't care that the Roman calender and our modern one doesn't coincide or the fact that Christ wasn't born in December! For you skeptics and Haters ain't no such thing as Santa Clause either and you still keep that lie alive. So whatever. The point is that GOD sent His Son, Jesus Christ the Word Incarnate to enter into such a lowly state that all the angles marveled at the sight; That GOD sent His Son as the only sacrifice perfect enough to atone for the sins of man so we would have an opportunity to have RELATIONSHIP with our Heavenly Father.

Having Christmas without Christ is like you setting out the best spread you possibly could muster. Inviting your children to sit and sup with you, as much as they could hold in their bellies, to be comfortable and to enjoy your company as you enjoy theirs. But they all sit down don't even bother to say thank you or even acknowledge you for that matter, eat their fill, profane your name and act like you don't exist. How would you feel? Would you be angry? Would you be hurt? Would you be disappointed? Or maybe a little bit of all three. I would be. Our Father has emotions, feelings and the Word says back in the days of Noah that He grieved..He was sad. (Genesis 6) Because His love for His creation (man) was not accepted and His ordinances were not followed.

How long do you think we can go on offending GOD and not reap the punishment our actions deserve? I know we are living in the age of Grace but don't kid yourself. I don't know about you but I am making it a point to keep, maintain and strive for a thankful heart. I am making a conscious effort to serve my wonderful GOD in all that I do. I am making a commitment to teach my children as much as I can about The Lord. I also remind them that as cool as they are Rudolph and Frosty are make believe. I have also informed them that Santa Claus more appropriately St. Nicholas was an actual man who made it a point to do good because of what he had in side him; and that was the love of JESUS CHRIST. Oh yeah St. Nick was a believer.

In summary, make it a point to share the truth! Buy less and give more. Express your dislike in a professional, Christian manner to our folks in retail and entertainment. And above all else pray for a revival of the Gospel in our nation!

Lastly, if you are not a believer then I am confused as to why you even participate in the Christmas season? You can't partake of the benefits of GOD without having GOD.

Souljourner

Many Thanks - January 09

Many Thanks

Freedom has materialized

Justice has form

Hope is solid

Many gathered...one led

Many kept going .... a few remained faithful

We all have benefited from their struggle

Another rises

Time to continue

Unity has a name

Bigotry, hate and prejudice are

Outside looking in

We must be ever vigilent

They don't idily wait

If given the chance they will dictate again

But for now the horizon boasts of a new dawn

Full of hope, determination and promise

Thankyou

From the boat to the fields to the plantations

To the streets, to the offices, to the schools and the lunch counters

and finally to me.

We will not forget your work, your sacrifices, your struggle

We celebrate!!!

Your time of harvest is come

One world indivisible

defined by liberty

And the same justice for All

Souljourner Howard

Coffee - January 09

Coffee

Bitter, acidic
warm, inviting
swirling, majestic
colorful and unruly

Memories past
Hopes...I dare to dream
envelope me 
like a jerzee sheet
on a winters morn

By itself it is just that..coffee
but dressed with warm flavors of the earth
it is defined into something distinguished,
exotic, cherished

Coffee equals comfort
for you it may be tea or maybe chocolate
but for me Coffee is velvet and time well spent

Souljourner

I Want To Fly - March 2009

Hello Family! I hope all is well in your world but even if it isn't please remember that GOD is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Re familiarize yourself with some of His promises to you. I pray this will strengthen you as you go thru this day's journey.

I am so excited to have found some of my old journals! I am even more excited to share some of my earlier works with you. This particular piece was written back in 09 and it serves as a reminder to me that sometimes the very thing you are looking for is right in front of you! 

Enjoy

Fly

I want to fly

taste the wind

play with the eagles

what is stopping me

what is stopping you

I want to dance

be light as air

I want to flow like the wind

I want to be mighty like a river

strong in its season

I want to be faithful like the sun

as refreshing as a summer rain

as fragrant as new lilies in the spring

I want to fly

What is stopping me 

What is stopping you

I want to laugh 

I want the joy of life

I want the hero to always win

I want the underdog to triumph

I want to love me for me

Not cringe at my mistakes but learn and be better for it

I want to fly

I want to trust like a new babe

no hang-ups

no fears

I want to fly

Perspective.....

One of the projects I am working on centers around these two little rascals. They are my sons; the are amazing, handsome, intelligent, extremely observant and Autistic. 
That last one was a sucker punch to both my husband and I. No one prepares you for having a child with mental differntabilities, (new word, I totally made that up). It has been a journey filled with every piece of emotion ranging from: disbelief, fear, denial anger,overwhelming sadness, fierce love, acknowledgement and finally acceptance. 
As expecting parents we are filled with the joy of the unknown! We wonder who the child will look like, what will their personality develop into and approximately when will they get here. No where in the prenatal visits or books are we told that there is a possibility that our future bundle may have autism or any other ism; but sometimes they are and then what? What exactly are you supposed to do with this child who: will never live up to your preconceived notions, whose diagnosis has changed the schematics of your idea of a  'perfect' family, who is now a permanent part of your life and who does not fit into your culture?
Simple, you love them! You love them you learn about them and you love them some more. You get over what ever you need to get over and you adapt and move on! Be aware that somethings that come along with becoming a parent do not change and are not based on the 'normality', I use this term loosely, of the child. Let's take stock of what we have by using a SWOT analysis, which stands for strengths, weakness, opportunities and threats.
STRENGTHS:
1. You have been entrusted with one of the greatest forms of stewardship!
2. GOD is with you, He promised never to leave you or forsake you (Deut 31:6) - Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”
3.It's a baby...I mean really, how cute is that?
4. It's your baby...man up
WEAKNESS
1. NONE for the child! They are perfect made just the way GOD allowed them to be. They don't have any issues and come with the same needs as any other child. The need to be loved, accepted, nurtured and protected.
2. You, your pride and ability to stay rigid to your notions. Your child won't be anything more than what GOD made them to be. 
Side note - I am only discussing children with challenges be it physical or mental nothing more, nothing less.
OPPORTUNITY
1. This is an awesome opportunity for you to expand your boundaries by learning about the uniqueness of your child and others like him or her.
2. This is a great opportunity for GOD to raise you up into another level of Him because this challenge will draw you closer to Him. Trust me you will pray alot.
3. This is an awesome walk of faith - so many times we take our blessings for granted and having a child being a part of the miracle of life is fantastic its is a one of a kind experience! There is no ending to the lessons to learn or the simple amazement to be felt. Sure it is a challenge but it is also equally rewarding. 
4. This experience will make you into a different person. Things that were important will no longer be and things that should have been important but weren't will take their rightful place in your heart. 
-side note: After you go through the 5 stages of grieving, if that is necessary for some people it isn't...for me it was, I encourage you to embrace your present and all of the little nuggets of wisdom GOD offers you through this experience. Then after a little seasoning you will be ready to share what GOD has done for you and your family. How He miraculously transformed your life and gave your family this awesome testimony to be shared for the strengthening of others. 
THREATS:
1. YOU
2. Bitternes
3. Resentment
4. Lost opportunity for growth, amazement and the power of Love

Summary: the choice is yours only you can choose what to do with the challenges allowed in your life. You can either be in denial, bitter or resist growth in the form that GOD choose. Or you can embrace it tearfully, afraid and powerless with the promise that He has not nor will ever leave you; and that HE is Sovereign and there was no mistake bringing you to this place. Trust that He has amazing things planned for you but must be brought forth through this wonderfully and fearfully made creation..your son or your daughter. Embrace it. I did and you are reading some of the fruit of my journey.

-Souljourner Howard 

Just A Thought

Fall is so beautiful. It's almost as if we get permission to wonder at all of nature's glory that GOD created. The leaves are turning, delicious seasonal foods and beverages are being offered; it's the calm before the storm called the winter holidays. This year I have purposed to get closer to the meanings of the holidays by deleting some of our family traditions that don't add to the experience. By adding I mean creating lasting memories. For instance our kids, yours probably too, don't remember what they got last Christmas or the Christmas before that. They do, however, remember the tree and decorations, yummy food and new stuff. 

And there it is! It comes down to stuff. All the time I spent in the store, carefully going over their lists and trying to match them to my budget. Substituting this for that, waiting for that to go on sale, following the ads to see who had the cheaper 'stuff'. REALLY??? Is that what Christ died for us to have? No - He said He came so that we could have life in the abundance and overflowing. Not stuff. Now don't get me wrong I LOVE the winter and the festivities but I have gotten lost in the shuffle and forgotten the true meaning of the holidays. I can admit it. So this year instead of lay-awaying that item that will only be 20$ cheaper on black Friday, (you do know retailers only have limited amounts of the good stuff so grabbing it now will save you the grief and aggravation of not being able to find it later..just fyi), or charging my credit card with the intent to pay it off during the coming refund season (soon to be extinct? don't tell me you don't wonder to), or emptying my Christmas account, (if I had one); I thought we would limit our stuff to just a few items and give the majority of our spending to local charities. They do good work and I know that if I was on the receiving in I would be so grateful! Again it wouldn't be the stuff that I got for my family, although cool, it would be the fact that someone thought enough about me to care to share! 

And by the way I have been on the receiving in when I knew I could do nothing, GOD used a bunch of somebodies to bless me abundantly! By performing these little nuggets of service we say GOD care's for you and so do I! You are valuable and not a defined by your circumstances! How much better our worlds, (the sphere of your influence), would be. Just a thought. 

With all of the uncertainty of finances, politics, natural disasters and the attitude of entitlement we need more GOD in the world. And one of the most effective ways of spreading the message of the Gospel is by adding more GOOD. 

Purpose to do GOOD one person or family at a time, let your children see you do it, let them get involved in the work. Show them how rewarding servant hood is while making them more conscience of practicing good stewardship. These are valuable seeds that you will be planting and the harvest will give over and over and over!

Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’^[a] 38 This is the first and great commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ - Matthew 22:37-39

Reference: "Bible Gateway." BibleGateway.com: A Searchable Online Bible in over 100 Versions and 50 Languages. N.p., n.d. Web. 01 Nov. 2013.

Just An Observation

Technology is a wonderful thing. It is both a gift and a curse depending on how one uses it. Sure it has made our lives easier, it has helped us live with a better quality of life but it has also made us cold, complacent and a little worse for the wear. Now before you reject my comments completely let me explain my position. 
Before television families would sit around at the dinner table and have, what is becoming a lost art, conversation. It was a time to bond, to inform and to share. It also set a precedent for the up and coming generations to value time with one another and pass down the craft of slow cooking. Before video games kids never had to be told to go and play 20 minutes a day - because that is what they did. They made up cool games, jumped rope, played jacks and had block bike races. Again there existed a sense of community and belonging. Before my husband and I bought smartphones we actually had conversation instead of jumping at the first notification of something new on Facebook  I mean we actually sat in our room last night, half watching the Sunday night game, barely speaking a word to one another. What in the world? We were too busy playing CandyCrush on our phones trying to beat our friends scores! At some point I thought...what is wrong with this picture? We used to converse,  laugh, talk, plan and complete crossword puzzles. I decided right at that moment that I wanted my family time. I want to not lose touch with my spouse. I don't want tech replacing anything that only human interaction can give. So what does that mean for the family Howard? For starters no tech at night, except for when Mr. Howard is on call; consistent weekly family game nights; no more t.v. after 6pm and lastly shutting that phone off after 8pm. I know to some of you this may sound desperate and controlling; but out of desperation the true nature of our humanity is brought forth. I want my family time. I want to build strong family ties in our children. I want us all to have good memories of our time together. I want to leave an effective legacy to be mimicked for the up and coming generations in my house. I want to know my children better and I want to love my spouse more and to me I can do both by spending more un-distracted and un-rushed time with them. Now you will have to do what is right for your family dynamic. Some of you have the kids in winter sports so several of your evenings are spent in practices or whatever. Some of you are in the 'year-end' crush at your job and are spending long hours at your desk. I didn't say it would be easy but nothing worth fighting for ever is. You set your own boundaries and purpose to live within them. Because when all is said and done and you are too old for any of this to matter anymore, who will you look to to comfort you? Your family maybe? No your family definately.
America, we need to set our priorities in order. The family is under attack and we must defend it by any means necessary. Start by buying popcorn, the kind you must cook on the stove, and watch a movie with your kids! It will be time well spent. 
Walk in Peace all today and the days to come! 
Souljourner Howard

Acceptable Levels of Success or Acceptable Limits? You Decide

Good Morning, I trust all is well with you and yours. 
So yesterday I was at the hospital clinic for my son's 90 day check up. It is a specialty clinic that services kids with kidney disease and related issues. Just a little background, our youngest son was born with 'Prune Belly Syndrome", which is a 3 in 1 punch. It causes deformation of the abdomen muscles, which lead to bladder issues which effect the kidneys. So with medicine, diet and prayer he has been sustained and is a happy 4th grader.  Did I mention he and his brother are autistic? Yes they are, talk about a full plate - But God is able to sustain me. 
I am at a point in my life where I am tired of kicking against the goads or thorns. I thought that if you work hard, studied and was faithful to your job then you would reach acceptable levels of success. I never really thought about including GOD in my plans or eventually graduating to asking Him what His Will is and submitting mine to Him. But giving us these two boys with all of their needs has brought both my husband and I closer to Him. I will not sugar-coat anything that I give you, that would be a great disservice to you, honestly this journey has been more than challenging. Their have been days I have been scared out of my mind. Days where I wanted to walk into the sunset and never return. Days where I have wanted to forget my name because I was just simply overwhelmed. I am so much better now, we are so much better now. Do I still get scared? Absolutely - but I remember what the Lord said "I will never leave you or forsake you" and that I am more than a conqueror - but my favorite is "My peace I leave unto you" . 
Fast forward to now. God is stripping away my definition of success..I have to die to my dreams and aspirations because my life is not mine. I am a servant of the Most High my life is His. He is also showing me that I am not losing anything but gaining everything. My goal was to be fulfilled and I was going about it all in the wrong way. So God got my attention by giving me these beautiful boys with all of their imperfections, strengths and places where they need more support. Myles and Nathan have opened up a whole new world to me. Myles teaches me to love during and after mistakes. He teaches me that it is ok to make mistakes and he encourages me to habitually forgive quickly and unconditionally. Nathan has taught me the power of prayer. Now I was brought up in the church, baptist, as a matter of fact but I didn't no more believe in the power of prayer than the man on the moon. That is another story for another day. But in the early days we had to learn about Nathan's sickness and understand that this will be with him but it isn't a bad thing. That boy kept me on my knees because no matter how we lived in the hospital, no matter the report we were given from the doctors - I did not want the Lord to take him. I was willing to do whatever was needed to ensure that kid would survive. That included leaving my position at a good company. Did I mention I was the bread winner for the family? Again another story for a another day. Little did I know that was the beginning of my cleansing, the beginning of my faith walk, the beginning to the rest of my life. I had to rely on GOD - there was no one else. After I started to consistently rely on the Lord then I could be more sensitive to His urging. 
In summary I do have a job - to share my journeys with you; to be the best mom I can be to all three of our kids; to be the best wife to Anthony and the best big sister to my sisters. And more important than all of these is to be the servant GOD made me to be. There is no acceptable level of success in GOD - He is the GREAT I AM, the Alpha and Omega - The Author and Finisher of my faith. Therefore all things are possible in and through Him. Levels, in this instance, are representative of limitations. There are no limits in Christ.  Psalm 23 & Psalm 91 for your strengthening
Be strengthen in your walk this day!
With Love,
Souljourner Howard

Stop, Look and Listen

This morning I was sitting in my living room listening to the birds chirping and enjoying the stillness of the house. The children were off to school courtesy of my mom, Anthony was gone to work and there I was. Alone in the beautiful silence. 
Have you ever just sat? With your eyes closed...just focused on a fix point like the miracle of breathing or in my case the chirping of my feathered friends. I have found in that time I feel so much more closer to the LORD; in that time is when I have the most peace, it is also where I find myself most contented. That is a glorious gift in itself because I am a goal-oriented person and I always need the proverbial carrot hanging in front of me. In my mindset it never accord to me to enjoy the journey while traveling to my destination. It was always the destination that I was obsessed with. What is wrong with this mentality is that you fail to see all of the beautiful scenery surrounding you. You also miss valuable opportunities to enjoy the small things, which, when you think about make up the fabric of your life. Who knew I would get so much joy watching my youngest son dance? He dances to everything in and out of his unmentionables! Its like he doesn't care he is just so happy. Or my eldest son and his milestones like remembering to make up his bed or take the trash out without me asking. Or the best one yet, him asking his dad how his day was. It may not sound like anything to you but all of these things have put such a smile on my face. These moments have really made me take stock in what matters. I am freed  from my obsessive goal attaining nature and I like it. I like laughing at nothing in particular, going with the flow of the day and just enjoying the art of breathing. 
I realize that once I get back on my feet - I will not always be able to get back to this place of peace absolute but the challenge is always trying to do so. 
In summary - Stop, Look and Listen. Enjoy the day, watch the sunrise or the sunset. Admire your spouse just to admire her. Leave work early, if you can, and grab the kids early go to the park or watch them ride their bikes. In all things Thank GOD for the gifts he has entrusted you with and purpose to enjoy your life no matter where you are. For your strengthening - Psalm 105: 1-7
With Love, 
Souljourner

Cheese-ing for Children's Hospital

Childrens' Hospital run/walk - Richmond VA! We had a great time. 

Here we (Anthony and I) are with a few of  our volunteer friends. Our kids have opened a new world to us!

A Flip of the Coin

Life continues to amaze, confound and enlighten me at the same time. As I sit here in recovery mode I get to have a ring side seat of observation. My sons are trying their best to ride the waves of change in our home. Their routine has been disrupted and the security of 'mom's way' has been challenged. Instead of flowing like water uninterrupted in a brook, their morning routine is a mixture of the familiar and new. Some mornings their Nana helps them, some mornings dad, who lacks culinary skills, fixes their breakfast or dinner; rarely in the past 3 weeks have I, their mom, given them anything familiar. 
This is where I get to see the man I committed my life too, struggle to make bacon and eggs; struggle to keep the kids on task with the daily routine; soar when it comes to helping with homework - especially science all at the same time checking in on me to make sure he can try and meet any of my physical needs. Oh and I forgot to mention that he is also challenged to complete this dance in front of his mother-n-law. Whew that is mouthful. But he does it the best that he can never losing sight of what the goal is and that is to service the household so that it can keep running. To serve his children so that they can learn to trust and rely on him as much as they do me. To serve his mother-n-law so that honor is brought to my father's house and peace is maintained. This is not an easy task to balance as the counterweight has been temporary sidelined. But he is doing it, in his way on his terms. I don't always agree with his method but then I am reminded of why GOD placed man and woman in the bond of marriage to raise a family. We need both sets of skills that each one can offer. There are so many things I can take away from in this time of healing, but the most prevalent is the importance of peace. My spouse does not cut toast like I do but does it really matter? No it doesn't. Having a new sense of appreciation of him as he attempts to juggle his duties and mine - well yes that is what matters. Showing compassion, patience and understanding also matters. He is stressed too. Remembering my mantra doesn't hurt either - To know your mate you must love your mate and to love your mate you must know him - (Degrees of Perfection, Winter 2013)
Have you ever traded roles with your spouse? you should it would help bring more understanding and appreciation into your relationship - sickness has a way of doing that but don't let that be the catalyst let love be it. 
Purpose to enjoy all the gifts of today that God offers,
With Love Souljourner Howard

Everyday Purposes

Greetings Readers,
First let me apologize for my long absence. I will purpose to do better. Isn't that the truth? The last statement I mean. Everyday we make promises that we never intend to keep, which we don't do on purpose, but has turned into an acceptable practice in American culture. 
Take the statement " Let me Call you Right back" What is wrong with that? Nothing except given the time of day and all of the items left on your to do list you probably will have to continue the conversation on a later date; the mistake was made when you placed the term 'right' in the sentence. An expectation was created that shortly the conversation would be continued. I am terrible at this so I am trying to get better. Another one of my bad habits is making the promise not to make a mistake again. Really? Life is a learning process and for those of us who prefer the structure of an expected turn of  events everyday this leads to a long list of things that make us miserable and we quickly say I promise not to do such and so. And although somethings are really bad and should be avoided at all costs I refuse to use that statement again. Purposing to do better is an acknowledgement of my frailness and my sometimes refusal or ability to make to right choices. Purposing says I will continue to make mistakes, prayerfully not the same ones, but their will be errors. As long as I am on this side of the grave and I am now o.k. with that. Purposing allows me to let go of the invisible ruler I measure myself with; it allows me to lay down the score board of all the goof-ups I have made and the consequential self -judgement that comes after it. I am allowing myself to be me with all of the good, the bad and the ugly. I wanted so desperately to come to a point of agreement so I can enjoy my life and everything that comes with it. Well, I am at that place where I realize I can't get it right, I won't get it right and its ok. That is the whole reason why The Christ allowed Himself to die in my place. Sobering thought huh?
Now does this mean I am off the 'hook' and can just run through my day rip-shod, (is that an actual phrase),with no accountability to my actions? Absolutely not. I said I acknowledge my limitations but I am free to strive to do better. I am not a quitter or a complacent individual, quite the opposite is true, but now I acknowledge that I have the right to be free from fault finding, self condemnation, criticism and fear. It is replaced with acknowledgment of my need of Jesus Christ daily and the fact that my actions do not dictate His love for me. So I don't have to beat myself up. Will I continue to purpose to do better... undoubtedly. Will I still be disappointed or angry when I mess up...yeah probably, but I won't stay in that place for longer than necessary. Will I look forward to the twists and turns that life brings, not really but I am purposing to do better.  
For your joy and strengthening...Romans 4:12-16; Romans 8:1,16-17 & 31-39; 

Pebbles in a Pond

Greetings Readers I hope all is well with you and your families. I had an interesting day; One of our family members was placed in dire straights and ended up in the hospital with a not so great prognosis. It doesn't matter who it was, so don't call me and ask (smile), just know that it had a ripple effect in the family; and it actually got me to thinking. Do we really understand the implications of our decisions? I don't think so. Let's take something simple for an example. Let's say today you went out to lunch at a decent restaurant and at the end of the meal you tipped your waiter or waitress. Well depending on how well you tipped that person will make the difference on how much gas they can put in their car, if they can buy something to eat tonight or pay a bill or maybe go to the movies. You are probably thinking, yeah right - my contribution does not make that much of a difference in someones life. I would sorely disagree with you because you were not that person's only table. Every person that was served had the opportunity to show gratitude in the size of their tip and at the end of the day they will add up what they have and make the decision on what to do with their earnings. Our choices are much like those tips. At some point they add up either good or bad and we reap a harvest either good or bad. So we must be careful with our choices, they are powerful and will eventually yield a seed. If we litter our lives with a bunch of bad choices then the reaping will be sore and bitter. You may say but I have GOD, well I am glad that you do because He will help you by: 

• comforting you
• remind you of the peace He has left in you
• guide you to making better choices
• teach you how to forgive yourself and others
• create in you a spirit of excellence so you can be a better steward
• expand your awareness of Him and how badly you need Him
• develop a new appreciation for the sacrifice at the cross
• help free you from addictions
• help free you from destructive behavior by renewing your mind
• address and break patterns

But what He will not do is remove the consequences of our decisions. Just ask King David and Bathsheba - that pebble (his choice) had such a far reaching effect that it never really truly got out of his house.  Some of our decisions carry a heavy weight and go a far distance long outweighing the benefit of the moment. So I encourage you to think long and hard before you make what could be a life altering decision. I encourage to have a relationship with the LORD. I encourage you to yield to His will and not your own. Remember we can only see our bottom step. GOD sees up the street and around the corner and beyond. It is wise to follow His path and not our own. For your benefit check out Proverbs 3:1-7 and Matthew 7:13-14. One last thought - your decision never affects just you.

Never Complain

Today we were at the Children's Hospital 4k run and walk. I love volunteering at these events because I get to mingle with so many interesting people. The event was well organized, fun and full of a festive atmosphere; people from all walks of life didn't mind sharing their stories, triumphs and challenges. There were 'real' runners and runners at heart, the best were the ones who dressed up. The costumes were pretty amazing.  The whole day was awesome! It was great to be part of something bigger than yourself. What a huge benefit to the kids and parents at the hospital, some of which, we got to meet. I will tell you that I never felt so much love, compassion, understanding and caring in one place. Some kids had intellectual disabilities, like Myles and Nathan, others had physical challenges. But in the end it didn't matter - they were just kids who were enjoying the fresh air and companionship that only their loved ones could bring. Kudos to parents and friends who insist on an inclusive lifestyle so that your babies can enjoy many of the good things our community has to offer.

first day of school

September 10, 2013 - light bulb moment

Good Afternoon Viewers! This is going to be really awesome or a complete travesty! Either way I am committed to it. Since I am somewhere in my 'wait' - (i'll explain later) I thought I would do something productive such as create a blog. Those who know me well know that this was something that a team of wild horses couldn't drag me to do..because technology is not my friend. 
Anyhoot, one of my new friends turned me on to the whole blogging world and so here I am. I so wish I had my daughter here, she is like a tech guru- but she had to grow up and leave home. It's cool. It just means you are stuck with me, on my own and a lot of tech! ha ha 

Well I hope you enjoy all of my postings of our mis-adventures here in Richmond! 
xxoxxo
Souljourner
Nette
Charnette 
However you know me

Degrees of Perfection

You may be wondering what exactly do I do? What do I write about? Well to sum it up, I write about my experiences...the good the bad and the ugly. 

• Degrees of Perfection is the first publication of many and it is an introduction of me to the rest of you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it. 
• All of my works will be available in a print on demand format for your convenience. 
• All of my works are faith based because that is who I am. However don't exclude yourself because you don't believe as I do. I would very much enjoy your company, inputs and comments as I walk this journey. 
• You can catch a preview at my web site - www.degreesofperfection.com

SoulJourner Howard

Nette

Charnette

However you know me

Works in Progess:

The Fall of Eve - Spring 2014

A Different Walk - Summer 2014

From My Heart - a collection of poems - 2014

Ain't This The Way of Things

Greetings Reader! Today's reflection is born out of painful realization that life rarely follows the path that one sets. Do you realize that when you make plans, you are making them with only 1/4 of the information you need? As Sherlock Holmes said I can't solve the equation without knowing all of the variables. Well in this life we will never know all of the variables therefore we will never be able to adequately solve its many complex equations. It's painful I know but it's the truth. The sooner you accept it then the better and more productive your life will be. It is not an easy process at all, trust me...I am struggling as I am communicating this to you. Ever since we stepped out on faith and moved here to Richmond it has been one stupid issue after the other. Either the kids, finances, somebody's health or another door refusing to be opened. At some point you just have to stop and ask yourself what I am doing wrong? GOD, where is the lesson in this? What exactly is the purpose of this slow burn? I will explain that term later - but if you are in the place where you can't move forward, can't move back and are just 'stuck', then you might be able to relate.  I thought that once the degrees had been obtained I would have 'made it'. I thought once Nathan's health had improved then we would have made it. I thought once these bills were under control, Pooh out of school, Ant happy on his job and on and on and on. That we would have made it. The truth is while you are on this side, you never 'make it'. Our world is fallen and out of balance therefore none of our plans, aspirations or expectations will line up because we base them on only what is directly in front of us. A 1/2 truth as it were. It's not so bad if you can realize early in the game that control is only a illusion because you can't affect the outcome of your actions. A + B doesn't always = C and when it doesn't you have to be at peace with it and be able to regroup and move on. Honestly sometimes it can be very painful and too upsetting to deal with head on; but the sooner you do the better you will be; Emotionally, spiritually, mentality and physically. That is where I am right now in this moment. I didn't ask for these circumstances. I didn't ask for children with autism or kidney disease, I didn't ask to be rich in spirit but poor in the bank. I didn't ask for a lot of things and I am so HAPPY that GOD is who HE is and gave me what I needed to have. Without these different issues in my life, I would not have developed compassion for children and the families that support them no matter what. I would not have been able to learn that I can only control my reactions not the outcome- no matter how much I try.  I would not have learned that the path that GOD has for me is not the path I choose for myself and His way is so much better. I would not have learned to faithful rely on The Almighty nor believed in the power of prayer. I would not have been able to love my husband, my friend, my companion the way that I do since I let go of my expectations I had for him; and just accept him for who and how he is. I would not have learned to say and mean GOD I trust you even though I don't know what the outcome is or the purpose it holds. I promised a definition for you - slowburn- a low fire with just enough heat to be uncomfortable; to cause pain, discomfort and force change on the part of the afflicted; a challenge with no specified end. 
I will try to always leave you with something positive either a saying or a thought. Today's is - Nothing ever happens by accident and although you may not understand you have the assurance that if you are walking with the LORD then you are where you are supposed to be. Embrace His peace and give your mind some much needed rest. Psalm 91 can help you. Don't forget to check out my website for upcoming performances of the spoken word with a purpose presented under my pen name Souljourner Howard www.degreesofperfection.com.