Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Just Saying

Sometimes the very thing that you are trying so hard to get away from...is the very thing you need the most.

Just saying

For example I couldn't wait to get away from my parents and family and have a life of my own. Well now I don't have a life without my parents and family. I called my mom yesterday and told her I needed my favorite chair in her living room and a nice bowl of her made from scratch soup. It comforts my soul.

Now apply where necessary and where not necessary don't make excuses to try and make a square peg fit in a space where a triangle was made to be.

Wisdom people..ask for it and it will be given to you liberally!

-Souljourner

Young Lion

Son of joy

Strength is in your arms

Your hands are filled

With the promises of the earth

Be faithful in your work

Adam

You bring honor to your family

You delight yourself in precepts

that bring you life

He will reward you because

diligent is your search for Him

We need you

You are precious to Him who created you

In His image, you stand

In His breath, you live

Trust Him to supply all of your needs

He has a helpmate for you

Wait for her

Your faithfulness will be rewarded

Don't be afraid to trust

He knows your name

-Souljourner

Proof is in the Pudding

you say you love me

but your fruit tells on you

you say you believe

but your life mirrors

abomination and  desolation

you say you know Me

but you don't defend the innocent

you don't correct the unjust

you don't stand when it is for Me

You say choice
and sleep undisturbed

whose are you again?
Mine?
are you sure
My sheep know Me
yet you say you hear
but refuse to listen

Time is coming
Will you still serve you?

-souljourner

The Prize is in the Wait


You are so beautiful

You don't have to prove what you are

you just need to be taught to embrace it

You are worth waiting for

Make him work for your hand

The prize that is you

Then you can give yourself away

unselfishly

with no guilt

no commendation

and no regrets

its rewarding to follow the straight and narrow

you bring grace to your husband

and honor to your father

daughter of Zion

-souljourner

Rewind

Greetings Family!

I hope all is well in your corner of the world. Forgive me if I have already shared this story with you.  Something's are worth repeating.

With that said here are some thoughts that needed to be shared with you. I hope it blesses you as much as it blessed me to write it.

Regards,

-Souljourner

I can't remember exactly what day it was but that is not an important detail; I do remember, however, that we were on the tail end of a very trying time with Nathan's dialysis treatment. It was over a series of days where Nathan was not receiving adequate treatment due to a faulty catheter. As a result his blood pressure numbers were ridiculous. He didn't feel good and nothing we were trying was working.

It was painfully obvious that this little soldier had had enough. With tears in his eyes he looked at me and his sister...and he said "nothing is work!" "Nothing is work, Mom".  I was terrified, I couldn't breathe. My blood was cold. My mouth was dry. My feet felt like lead and my arms were numb. I thought...no you can't give up. Please don't give up..

I couldn't get to him fast enough even though I was standing less than 3 steps from him. Ehlissa stopped what she was doing and reached him and embraced him! Whispering reassurances in his ear as he sobbed. I grabbed both of them and JESUS CHRIST held all of us.

This reflection is so fresh in my mind. I need it; it keeps me grounded; it reminds me of where my Hope lies; it tells me that it is okay to not know the outcome. Praise GOD Nathan has recovered...but that little guy's strength keeps me going.

To tell you that I never want to give up. That I never grow tired is a lie. I do, I am human, I am his mother. I don't want to see him suffer. It makes me feel powerless and the helplessness is enough to drive one insane. But I will also tell you that I hold on to God's promises: that He will never leave me nor forsake me; that He is with me always!; He says be strong and of good courage for HE IS WITH ME.

My GOD thank you!! Thank you when there is more week than it is money; Thank you when I think my life doesn't matter; Thank you when I am afraid because I don't know the end of this challenge. Thank you when I feel like my mistakes have brought me to where I am. Thank you when I don't think I can surrender anything else. Thank you because you remain the same despite my fickleness.

Folks, I can do nothing on my own but I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me! I need His strength. I need His arms of protection. I need His warmth, His love, His reassurance that He has already conquered death and sin. I need to be reminded that He has already given me the victory. It lights me in the darkest of my days. My shoulders are not broad enough to carry the weight of my life. But He is and His promises spur me to continue! His Holy Spirit raises that fight nature in me and encourages me to continue with my head held high.

If you choose not to believe, I don't understand how you make it. Honestly the rain falls on me just like it does you. However, I am not consumed by it nor am I utterly destroyed. I know whose I am. So I am comforted with His quiet reassurance that I am in His hand.

Life is hard and often unfair. And is this wasn't enough it leaves us, with no apologies or explanations. But you don't have to go it alone. God said to take his yoke while He takes ours. He is my confidence secured. He is my rest. You can have the same rest if you choose too.

Just thought you should know

Wisdom Pearl #7

Small should stay small

never should it be made into something tall

because a shadow then does it project

causing you to forget

that small can be nothing but small

-Souljourner

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Sides

Life is to be celebrated

Choices are to be weighed

Perspective, although, respected does not produce agreement

Does that make me mean?

Non-tolerant

Or are you exactly what you accuse me to be?

My standards are established by the Most High

In your life He does not exist

That is your choice

But it doesn't affect the fact that He does

Allow me to stand as I stand

Because I will, regardless of permission

I, in turn, will continue to respect your freedom to choose

your life is in your hands

Don't say you were not cautioned

Every flip has a side

For good or bad

So you do what you do

And I will be who I am

There is no hate

Just truth

-Souljourner


Monday, July 21, 2014

Yeah, about that.....

It is so funny how the Lord can use everyday moments to speak with us. It is so beautiful when I can hear Him with clarity...meaning my spirit is quiet enough to hear Him. It is empowering,, re-assuring and awe inspiring. It sticks with you for the rest of your days. It serves as a point of reference to help steady your course not to mention an encouragement to you when your way gets a little rough and you wonder if you are going the right way. At least it does for me.

For example I remember when I was heavy with our 3rd child; heavy meaning miserable, large, huge and uncomfortable. This pregnancy was my most difficult. I had high blood pressure, chronic nose bleeds, heartburn and a terrible craving for filet  o' fish. Honestly I would have my husband go to a 24 hour McDonald's and grab 2 of those tasty sandwiches complete with tarter on the side pickles and the onions they place on the 1/4 burgers. I would crush, as my 20 year - old says, that and fruit. So wonder I had pressure issues but what can I say. There was not a lot the baby was allowing me to eat. That's my story and I am sticking to it.

Anyway, one day I was walking from our bedroom to the kitchen, (we had a 3 bedroom ranch), and before I hit the opening into the kitchen I heard Him. His voice made me stop in mid-waddle, "Lord"? "Yes". I was too awed at the clarity of His voice it was like movie quality surround sound in my head! It was awesome! "Nathan". "The child's name is to be Nathan, he is my prophet". "yes Lord". I was smiling and just tickled pink with excitement! I couldn't wait to tell my husband! How exciting, we are going to have a little celebrity! Our son will be famous and a sound man of GOD; what else could any parent ask for? I could just picture it..there goes the great prophet Nathan and his mother (lol).

I am so glad GOD is bigger than our petty desires. I am also glad that His will encompasses the good of all not just me. Unbeknownst to me our journey with this little man would take us places that were so far removed from my expectations but so much closer to GOD's grace.

See if I had it my way I would be parading him around from every Baptist, Pentecost and Christian church prophesying and doing whatever else the Lord told him to do. His father and I would be sat in a place of honor and recognized in the community. Don't be mad at my transparency..some of you would due to be brutally honest with yourself too. It would make you a a better person. Sometimes the truth hurts but once you admit to GOD what He already knows about you, then He can start molding you more into His image and line your desires up with His will. Instead of asking for things to feed my vanity I now ask for whatever His Will deems necessary because I know His Will is always better. 

Now back to our program. How were we brought closer to GOD's grace? Well if you have been keeping up with the previous blogs you have a good idea  but just in case I will give you a quick recap:
1. Nate was born a premie (like 1 or 2 oz from 8lbs..whew)
2. He was born with Eagle Barrett's syndrome or Prune Belly
3. He is autistic (Aspergers)
4. He has kidney disease
5. He has had to date 4 major surgeries and a host of  procedures
6. His life expectancy was predicted to last about 10-12 months after birth
7. We lost close friends
8. We were distanced from family members
9. Our marriage was severely challenged

I know right! How in the world did this bring us out of the 'church' and into relationship with GOD? Simple we were allowed to be placed in circumstances so dire that only The Lord GOD could have brought us out! No one could pray for us like we could for ourselves; we started talking to GOD on the daily, not just Sundays, we started a habit of seeking His Word. After all most of our friends, except the faithful few, had abandoned us because no one wanted to be around a sick baby. So we had a lot of time on our hands. All of our resources were drained because I had to stop working so our perspective on money and things were placed into balanced. We started hanging out with a new crowd, parents of hospitalized kids. What fertile ground for witnessing...for sharing..for gaining strength..for a look into the the compassion GOD has towards us. 

Admittedly the folks in the new crowd don't hang around for long, we may have an hour or 3 minutes to share with them or them with us. But there is no such thing as a coincidence, only divine appointments. Without Nate's afflictions we would never be able to talk about GOD's Grace &Mercy. We would never have had to grow up and shed all of our wrong beliefs and traditions that don't amount to a hill of beans. We would have never learned that the Joy of the Lord is indeed our strength.

So true to His Word, Nathan is indeed His prophet, spreading the word that the Lord is indeed alive and still in the miracle working business! Not only does he have a message for the people but for his Parents, Grand-parents, God-Parents, Uncles & Aunties. And amazingly his message grows with him; It never gets old because GOD is constantly bringing us into new levels of understanding.

Aren't you so glad that GOD is who He is! Who else could bring us into humble submission to make us stronger in Him? Who else could hone our desires to fit His purpose? Who else could bring fruit out of despair and hopelessness?

No one else but Jesus Christ and His Father. 

Now please don't leave with the impression that we have 'arrived', no to the contrary we have a long, long way to go. It's just that now we understand a little bit mo' better about the goodness, mercy, super intelligence and pure awesomeness that belongs to GOD. 

So even if your journey isn't part of your expectations take comfort in the fact that The GOD you serve is bigger than your expectations and can do exceedingly more than you can imagine. 

If you have not accepted Jesus Christ as your Risen Savior and the Son of GOD. I encourage you to do so. It doesn't mean all will be roses in your life but it does mean that as His child you are entitled to His promises and are assured a place in Heaven. 

Trust without understanding
Live with Peace of GOD
Have Joy with clarity
because you know Whose you are!

-Souljourner
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. (Jeremiah 29:11)

www.biblegateway.com

Friday, July 18, 2014

Flowers for You

We used to fuss quarrel and fight
We never really appreciated each other
There was never a reason too.

Until now. Brother our days have grown longer
with the responsibilities of family
careers and other distractions

But every now and again we get to hang out
even if it is just 3 minutes to ourselves
and it is so very nice!

I miss your snappy humor and
witty comebacks
I miss your perspective
which has grown ever wiser with time and travel

I miss the girls, oh how they used to oogle you.
How proud I was to say that you were my big bro.
I still am.

I love you and the man that you have become
I look forward to your counsel and I enjoy sharing the mis-adventures
of our kids. It's nice to hear your laugh, so boisterous so full of life.

It's comforting to see how observant you are over the needs of your wife and kids
You are everything I thought you could be and more.

Consider these accolades your beautifully won flowers!
-Souljourner

Human Moments

Do you ever wonder what the air will be like in heaven? I do. I can't picture it but I know it will be glorious like Christmas morning to my 6 year old self. As we continue on this journey with Nate I find myself grasping unto to any hope I can find. Honestly some days the journey wears on me..I just hate the words autism and disease. I am like really, if I got to hear those terms one more time I promise that I will scream.

Funny thing of how reflection will help put things into perspective..about the time that I was just 'over' the whole renal failure, dialysis treatments  blah blah blah. The doctor entered our treatment room and started telling her colleagues all about the last several months of Nate's history. Just listening to her made me go Thank You Jesus! I hadn't forgotten it just that sometimes when you are in the fight you forget that you are on the winning side.

I can't imagine being a soldier in the middle of a war. The constant sound of gun fire, watching your comrades falling day after day with no end in sight. The feeling of helplessness and lack of control are your constant companions. But still you fight on because the cost of defeat is too great. Something in you just won't let you give up.

I don't like the challenges I have faced thus far on this journey; honestly I don't care for the journey. I vote for a different one. But that is not in my power and I must remind myself to trust the One who does have it.

The other day Nathan cried out to his sister that his treatment wasn't working, "nothing is working" and he poured out his heart. His eyes were full of tears that carried his frustration. His sister, no longer protected by distance, saw him as he was just a scared little boy who desperately needed comfort and answers. Without missing a beat her and I rushed to his bedside assaulting him with kisses, rubbing his hands and filling his ears with reassurances. Again surrender is not an option and the cost of defeat is too great. We have to keep fighting, he has to keep fighting.

I am happy to report that he has since returned to his jolly, mischievous self and once again the house is filled with laughter and innocence. Despite me having my human moments..there is still so much to experience. This story is far from over.

Heaven, I am sure, is filled with the most imaginable of things; the thought of being so close to the Christ and Lord God Jehovah overwhelms me with pure delight. But still I ask for a little more length to my walk because I want to go all the way to the end and beyond. Wouldn't you?
-Souljourner

Untitled

sometimes I feel like a volcano ready to erupt
my emotions are all over the place
hot, smokey threatening to strangle me
and I can't get a hand on my reality
I get angry and take my frustrations out on anything or anyone close to me

I mourn the life I thought I would have
I mourn the dreams lost

then i remember to breathe

it resets me
the air crushing thru my nostrils
the expansion of my lungs
allow me to understand that my job is simple
just  believe and trust that He has my best interest
in line with His will

Again I draw a deep breath
my brain tingles with excitement
like the shock of stepping into a cold
winter morning

A reminder that I am alive
That I am set aside for a special purpose
I am equipped with everything I need
to complete the job
even if I am not sure of what exactly it is

breathing re-establishes the fact that I am fearfully
and wonderfully made

there are no accidents
only divine appointments
I am encouraged
I feel my strength returning
My joy shines on me

-souljourner

Simply Me

I live

I love

I breathe

I am

-Souljourner

Allow Me

Can I be honest?
Can I risk your opinion of me changing?
Can I be allowed to reveal my frailness

my doubts and insecurities

Can I be truthful
Can I release?
There is so much in my tears

they are my courage
they carry my strength
they help me remember that i  have limitations
I am not GOD
and it is okay

I don't have to have the answers
I don't have to like my circumstances

I get angry
i pray
I cry
I repeat

Allow me to be honest
Allow me to be human
I can be nothing else
-souljourner

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Keeping it 100%

I would rather you keep it real

Tell me how you feel and let your actions

Support your words

I would rather you be truthful in your hurt

Than have your mouth part ways

Don't tell me you love me

But do everything against Me

Don't despise Me when I correct you

Don't twist my judgement with your bias

A lie is never the truth

No matter how much it is accepted

Trust I am going to keep it real with you

-Souljourner




Who Do You Love?

Just an observation

Just a thought

I noticed your light

Shines pink sometimes blue

I thought who you served was light?

Pure, radiant, power undiminished

His light never changes

The color never fades

Just a thought

Just an observation

You might want to choose this day

Who you love

Because who you love

Will Be who you serve

Souljourner

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

A Call To Action

Since when is God's commands a matter of public opinion? Since when did we allow godless people rule over our society? The nation that GOD created? When did we say wrong is right and right is wrong? Why do we celebrate those who are in open rebellion to GOD's policies and doctrine. Has anyone told the masses that the phrase "Oh My G" is disrespectful? I am sure one of the commandments state that we are not to say His name in vain. Has anyone taught their sphere of influence that the rainbow is a sign of GOD's covenant made with Noah? Not Gay Pride? I find it disturbing, do you?

We need to teach the non-believers, luke-warm followers and those who think they can have the best of both worlds,  that there are consequences to every choice; and whether they choose to believe the Word of GOD or not it does not diminish it's truth or power.

Why should we? Not because we don't love them but quite the contrary. They need to know that one day their soul will be required of them. They need to be able to have the right information to make a positive choice. A life saving choice.

Do I hate people who choose a homosexual or bisexual life. No- but same sex marriage is wrong, so is abortion and all of the other millions of things that we permit under the article of "free-choice".

This rant, as my daughter calls it, was brought to you by an article I saw where an actress 'comes out' and announces she is a proud bi-sexual mom. REALLY..when did it become okay? why is it just something that the 'kids' need to know? Can they know about Christ? Do they know that a household should contain a mom and a dad. I mean it may sound really ignorant on my part but some things  are better left discussed in the family circle and kept there.

What is happening is a wonderful strategic placement of sin. Satan desires to make sin common place while feeding us lies that make us dull to God's Truth,(because when it is the everyday then it is accepted- but it doesn't make it right). Newsflash GOD is the same He never changes! When He laid out the structure for our lives He meant us to follow it. It is for every person who inhabits the earth.


I encourage you to love those who feel differently than you
or whose lifestyles don't reflect your beliefs without you compromising or wavering in yours. This is a war for souls folks so before you worry about offending ask your God-conscience if you can live with yourself knowing you withheld life changing, soul saving truths.

We have evolved into the America who doesn't discipline her children. We have become complacent and lazy. Hollywood and the entertainment industry can't guide my children better than I can. My husband and I are the strongest influence on our kids. They will model their behavior and relationships by what we do.

Embrace the responsibility to raise salt of the earth. Don't leave them to find their way. Don't be afraid to love with correction.

I for one am determined to not stand in front of my Lord, on that day of account, and be found lacking because I did not share the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Whether or not it is accepted is not my burden.

Everyone has choices! We need to respect the right to chose, however, we must understand that in order to make an informed decision one must posess the knowledge to do so.

So love without compromise,
respect without weights*
express oneself without malice
remember that rejection is not personal
and spread the Gospel without prejudice and courage

Souljourner

p.s
Words to the Wise:
*the decision to accept the gospel is up to the individual
it is not up to us, don't make it your burden.
* do not be afraid to stand for your beliefs
* do not add or detract from the Gospel
* respect does not mean acceptance
* know the Word
* Resolve to please GOD



Seasons! Pt. 2

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