That last one was a sucker punch to both my husband and I. No one prepares you for having a child with mental differntabilities, (new word, I totally made that up). It has been a journey filled with every piece of emotion ranging from: disbelief, fear, denial anger,overwhelming sadness, fierce love, acknowledgement and finally acceptance.
As expecting parents we are filled with the joy of the unknown! We wonder who the child will look like, what will their personality develop into and approximately when will they get here. No where in the prenatal visits or books are we told that there is a possibility that our future bundle may have autism or any other ism; but sometimes they are and then what? What exactly are you supposed to do with this child who: will never live up to your preconceived notions, whose diagnosis has changed the schematics of your idea of a 'perfect' family, who is now a permanent part of your life and who does not fit into your culture?
Simple, you love them! You love them you learn about them and you love them some more. You get over what ever you need to get over and you adapt and move on! Be aware that somethings that come along with becoming a parent do not change and are not based on the 'normality', I use this term loosely, of the child. Let's take stock of what we have by using a SWOT analysis, which stands for strengths, weakness, opportunities and threats.
STRENGTHS:
1. You have been entrusted with one of the greatest forms of stewardship!
2. GOD is with you, He promised never to leave you or forsake you (Deut 31:6) - Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”
3.It's a baby...I mean really, how cute is that?
4. It's your baby...man up
WEAKNESS
1. NONE for the child! They are perfect made just the way GOD allowed them to be. They don't have any issues and come with the same needs as any other child. The need to be loved, accepted, nurtured and protected.
2. You, your pride and ability to stay rigid to your notions. Your child won't be anything more than what GOD made them to be.
Side note - I am only discussing children with challenges be it physical or mental nothing more, nothing less.
OPPORTUNITY
1. This is an awesome opportunity for you to expand your boundaries by learning about the uniqueness of your child and others like him or her.
2. This is a great opportunity for GOD to raise you up into another level of Him because this challenge will draw you closer to Him. Trust me you will pray alot.
3. This is an awesome walk of faith - so many times we take our blessings for granted and having a child being a part of the miracle of life is fantastic its is a one of a kind experience! There is no ending to the lessons to learn or the simple amazement to be felt. Sure it is a challenge but it is also equally rewarding.
4. This experience will make you into a different person. Things that were important will no longer be and things that should have been important but weren't will take their rightful place in your heart.
-side note: After you go through the 5 stages of grieving, if that is necessary for some people it isn't...for me it was, I encourage you to embrace your present and all of the little nuggets of wisdom GOD offers you through this experience. Then after a little seasoning you will be ready to share what GOD has done for you and your family. How He miraculously transformed your life and gave your family this awesome testimony to be shared for the strengthening of others.
THREATS:
1. YOU
2. Bitternes
3. Resentment
4. Lost opportunity for growth, amazement and the power of Love
Summary: the choice is yours only you can choose what to do with the challenges allowed in your life. You can either be in denial, bitter or resist growth in the form that GOD choose. Or you can embrace it tearfully, afraid and powerless with the promise that He has not nor will ever leave you; and that HE is Sovereign and there was no mistake bringing you to this place. Trust that He has amazing things planned for you but must be brought forth through this wonderfully and fearfully made creation..your son or your daughter. Embrace it. I did and you are reading some of the fruit of my journey.
-Souljourner Howard
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