Good Morning, I trust all is well with you and yours.
So yesterday I was at the hospital clinic for my son's 90 day check up. It is a specialty clinic that services kids with kidney disease and related issues. Just a little background, our youngest son was born with 'Prune Belly Syndrome", which is a 3 in 1 punch. It causes deformation of the abdomen muscles, which lead to bladder issues which effect the kidneys. So with medicine, diet and prayer he has been sustained and is a happy 4th grader. Did I mention he and his brother are autistic? Yes they are, talk about a full plate - But God is able to sustain me.
I am at a point in my life where I am tired of kicking against the goads or thorns. I thought that if you work hard, studied and was faithful to your job then you would reach acceptable levels of success. I never really thought about including GOD in my plans or eventually graduating to asking Him what His Will is and submitting mine to Him. But giving us these two boys with all of their needs has brought both my husband and I closer to Him. I will not sugar-coat anything that I give you, that would be a great disservice to you, honestly this journey has been more than challenging. Their have been days I have been scared out of my mind. Days where I wanted to walk into the sunset and never return. Days where I have wanted to forget my name because I was just simply overwhelmed. I am so much better now, we are so much better now. Do I still get scared? Absolutely - but I remember what the Lord said "I will never leave you or forsake you" and that I am more than a conqueror - but my favorite is "My peace I leave unto you" .
Fast forward to now. God is stripping away my definition of success..I have to die to my dreams and aspirations because my life is not mine. I am a servant of the Most High my life is His. He is also showing me that I am not losing anything but gaining everything. My goal was to be fulfilled and I was going about it all in the wrong way. So God got my attention by giving me these beautiful boys with all of their imperfections, strengths and places where they need more support. Myles and Nathan have opened up a whole new world to me. Myles teaches me to love during and after mistakes. He teaches me that it is ok to make mistakes and he encourages me to habitually forgive quickly and unconditionally. Nathan has taught me the power of prayer. Now I was brought up in the church, baptist, as a matter of fact but I didn't no more believe in the power of prayer than the man on the moon. That is another story for another day. But in the early days we had to learn about Nathan's sickness and understand that this will be with him but it isn't a bad thing. That boy kept me on my knees because no matter how we lived in the hospital, no matter the report we were given from the doctors - I did not want the Lord to take him. I was willing to do whatever was needed to ensure that kid would survive. That included leaving my position at a good company. Did I mention I was the bread winner for the family? Again another story for a another day. Little did I know that was the beginning of my cleansing, the beginning of my faith walk, the beginning to the rest of my life. I had to rely on GOD - there was no one else. After I started to consistently rely on the Lord then I could be more sensitive to His urging.
In summary I do have a job - to share my journeys with you; to be the best mom I can be to all three of our kids; to be the best wife to Anthony and the best big sister to my sisters. And more important than all of these is to be the servant GOD made me to be. There is no acceptable level of success in GOD - He is the GREAT I AM, the Alpha and Omega - The Author and Finisher of my faith. Therefore all things are possible in and through Him. Levels, in this instance, are representative of limitations. There are no limits in Christ. Psalm 23 & Psalm 91 for your strengthening
Be strengthen in your walk this day!
With Love,
Souljourner Howard
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