Greetings Reader! Today's reflection is born out of painful realization that life rarely follows the path that one sets. Do you realize that when you make plans, you are making them with only 1/4 of the information you need? As Sherlock Holmes said I can't solve the equation without knowing all of the variables. Well in this life we will never know all of the variables therefore we will never be able to adequately solve its many complex equations. It's painful I know but it's the truth. The sooner you accept it then the better and more productive your life will be. It is not an easy process at all, trust me...I am struggling as I am communicating this to you. Ever since we stepped out on faith and moved here to Richmond it has been one stupid issue after the other. Either the kids, finances, somebody's health or another door refusing to be opened. At some point you just have to stop and ask yourself what I am doing wrong? GOD, where is the lesson in this? What exactly is the purpose of this slow burn? I will explain that term later - but if you are in the place where you can't move forward, can't move back and are just 'stuck', then you might be able to relate. I thought that once the degrees had been obtained I would have 'made it'. I thought once Nathan's health had improved then we would have made it. I thought once these bills were under control, Pooh out of school, Ant happy on his job and on and on and on. That we would have made it. The truth is while you are on this side, you never 'make it'. Our world is fallen and out of balance therefore none of our plans, aspirations or expectations will line up because we base them on only what is directly in front of us. A 1/2 truth as it were. It's not so bad if you can realize early in the game that control is only a illusion because you can't affect the outcome of your actions. A + B doesn't always = C and when it doesn't you have to be at peace with it and be able to regroup and move on. Honestly sometimes it can be very painful and too upsetting to deal with head on; but the sooner you do the better you will be; Emotionally, spiritually, mentality and physically. That is where I am right now in this moment. I didn't ask for these circumstances. I didn't ask for children with autism or kidney disease, I didn't ask to be rich in spirit but poor in the bank. I didn't ask for a lot of things and I am so HAPPY that GOD is who HE is and gave me what I needed to have. Without these different issues in my life, I would not have developed compassion for children and the families that support them no matter what. I would not have been able to learn that I can only control my reactions not the outcome- no matter how much I try. I would not have learned that the path that GOD has for me is not the path I choose for myself and His way is so much better. I would not have learned to faithful rely on The Almighty nor believed in the power of prayer. I would not have been able to love my husband, my friend, my companion the way that I do since I let go of my expectations I had for him; and just accept him for who and how he is. I would not have learned to say and mean GOD I trust you even though I don't know what the outcome is or the purpose it holds. I promised a definition for you - slowburn- a low fire with just enough heat to be uncomfortable; to cause pain, discomfort and force change on the part of the afflicted; a challenge with no specified end.
I will try to always leave you with something positive either a saying or a thought. Today's is - Nothing ever happens by accident and although you may not understand you have the assurance that if you are walking with the LORD then you are where you are supposed to be. Embrace His peace and give your mind some much needed rest. Psalm 91 can help you. Don't forget to check out my website for upcoming performances of the spoken word with a purpose presented under my pen name Souljourner Howard www.degreesofperfection.com.
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