REST TO RISE

 REST TO RISE

Hey Family!

I can't believe we are six months into 2024 and you have not heard from me! Good Grief! That means I have been way too busy, pre-occupied or just simply lacked the desire to capture my thoughts.

None of which are good. 

Question: Have you ever just felt numb? Going thru a day only wanting to get to the end of it so you could hide away? Well if you have, then this post will resonate with you. 

As long as I can remember, I have spent my time chasing after the "next thing". That thing that promised to bring me happiness, fill the hole in my soul, the ache in my chest. Anything, that would finally satisfy the nameless void of emotions I felt, but couldn't describe. (Matt. 6:8) That search led me to lots of negative spaces, dank places and eventual idol worship. 

I ignored the One who loved my soul so much that HE gave up HIS place to save me; to show me love, to give me the identity of ownership that I didn't know I craved. He waited patiently me for me as I stumbled, fell, went the wrong way until finally, I came to the end of myself. 

Yes, I was despondent, depressed and lacked a clear view of what was supposed to be next. I spoke in detail on my Coffee Talk Podcast  Ep 5 about where I was and the uncertainty of where I was going. 

Well...here we are almost a year later and those feelings are still lingering. This time I recognize the gnawing as a cry for hunger. So, how do I fill it? Pressing in. The same thing I said in 2023, and I continue to stand on it. 

I know what it's like to chase after success like it was a river of gold, I just needed to plot a course: school, more school, work, more work, climb the ladder, buy a house in the suburbs, sit at the big table. Naw, that's not for me and I am all right with that now. 

God knows what we need before we even ask. Yes, I would like a house, but for right now my apartment in cozy fitting 5 souls under it; Would I like to have access to more money, sure, but what is more important to me is what will I do with it? I need to be sure I will look to be a blessing to someone else and not be a hoarder. Working is work, I wanna work, but not feel like I am working. Does that make sense? Let me explain.

I have found the secret to my success! What is it?? Walking in the flow of GOD! When I am in His flow, I don't want for nothing because He is my Shepherd (Psalm 23); When I am in His flow those feelings of hunger that once drove me to either destruction or misguided paths, are quieted, soothed if you will by His Word  (Psalm 119:105). My focus is no longer on trinkets that will rust, break, grow old, or fall into dis-repair. Those things have a place, but  not at the forefront of my life! Meaning the pursuit of material possessions or status shouldn't get all of my attention (heart); my energy (hands) or my love (head). That belongs to Christ and to Him alone. 

I want what He wants. I will trust the Lord until I die, was an old song we used to sing at Creve Coeur Baptist Church in St. Louis. Now, I can sing it with more conviction because I understand it a littler mo'betta. Wherever He leads, I will follow and that family is my definition of success. My peace is directly tied to the Prince of it. My counsel to tell me where and when I am going is wrapped up in Jesus. (Isaiah 9:6). 

Twenty-Four years of marriage is quickly approaching. All the kids are adults now. Autism is still surprising me by the discovery of new things. Sixteen years of being an educator is now behind me. I have alot in front of me and I am no longer afraid because the Lord's promises to be with me. So, I take courage (Joshua 1), and put one foot in front of the other. Confidentially following wherever He leads me. Will I ever stop asking the Lord," where are you leading me Father?" Only He knows, but I don't think I will. That is not my goal. My goal is to step when He says step, to obey when El Shaddai gives me a command because obedience is better than sacrifice (1 Sam 15:22). That is my definition of success. 

2024 has revealed some personal health challenges that are being addressed. Sometimes, I gotta rest, but trust it is only to rise, ready to go where He sends me!

Circling back to the original question at the beginning of the post I have found that when I am feeling numb, or despondent it is because I have lost sight of my center and my priorities are out of place. I need to return to my first love which is Christ. Today, I did (in between naps, Tylenol and ice) and the result was this blog entry. I rested, I pressed in and now I have risen to inspire you to recommit your focus on God, the Author and Finisher or your faith. (Heb. 12:2)

Sj