Walking My Cross

I often wonder, now that I am a mom of a child who suffers from a chronic illness, how did she do it? How did she watch her son sacrifice himself for the benefit and salvation of mankind? How did she watch Him be persecuted? How did she endure it? Did understanding her son's purpose make it any easier for her to watch the cruelness inflicted upon him? It was these thoughts that inspired this piece. Enjoy,
Souljourner

What was it like
To watch him
be treated so unjustly?
How could you stand to see the flesh
parting from his bones?
How did you endure

Did the sound of the whips
connecting to his person
haunt your dreams?

How could you go on?

I need to know

How did you fight the urge to run to him?
To comfort him
To try and protect him

I need to know

How could you look upon those who treated him
so unfairly
so unjustly
so cruelly
those who forgot their humanity
those who sold their compassion

and forgive them

I need to know

My son suffers
My heart breaks
My mouth is dry
I can't focus
My head is spinning

I cry
I weep
I scream
I want to fight
but where is the enemy

I am beyond tired
I can't taste no matter how sweet the fruit
it is ash in my mouth
My resources are drained
I have little to give

But I go on
Not without hope
Not without expectation
Not without blessed assurance
Not without His promises

Because of your Son
I can walk
this thing that is my cross

Knowing this then...would it had made a difference
too you?

I wish I could know

Quiet Moments

Quiet time is a great time for reflection. This stillness can happen anywhere in your busy day if you are savvy enough to recognize the opportunity when it is presented to you. To often we fill our day with activities that take up the blank spaces. I would like to challenge you that instead of sending a tweet, or checking out a Facebook post or even playing a quick game on your phone, computer or tablet that you would spend a few moments just breathing; thanking GOD you are alive and marvel at the majesty of our world He has placed you in. Trusting that you are where you are supposed to be at the Quiet Moment.

Today my moment came during the first waking hours of the morning. I had spent the night with my son in who was recovering from a major surgery (had both kidneys removed). It was day two of  post-op and it was quiet in our room. It was beautiful, serene, comforting and full of confident strength. I knew I was in the presence of the Most High. I was so filled with thankfulness that I was almost swept away from my current reality. In a flash, sadly, the room became occupied with nurses and doctors and my moment slowly vanished.

However, what came out of that was a flurry of creativity, brought forth by The Lord, that I will be sharing shortly but for now please know that if you calm your thoughts...just for a moment the Lord will send you what you need. In my case it was comfort and the reassurance that He was there with me. That I did not have to walk this thing alone. That He cares so very deeply for me. That alone gave me the confidence needed to face the day. That He and He alone is in control. So no matter how many procedures and treatments my son has to endure The Lord is His GOD and He will not put more on him or I than we can bare, and that every trial has a limit. It can't go deeper than the Lord allows or linger longer than His will desires.

All this within moments. Did it change my reality? Well no... but is sharpened my perspective and grounded me. I don't know about you but I am needy. I need my Abba Father to fill me with His presence on the daily. I need to be able to feel Him move around me. I need to be reminded that no matter what goes on in the realm of the physical it is not beyond His reach. I need to know that nothing surprises Him. And you know what? I do.

Moments build relationship. Relationship builds trust. Trust bridges into faith. Faith pours into relationship which makes you appreciate the moments.

Did I Tell You?

Did I ever tell you

That you are the pie in my ice-cream?

That you are the sugar in my coffee?

That you are the honey on my waffles?

Sweet is your love

and a day without will never do!

I must here your voice

I must feel your little arms about my waste

I joy at seeing your eyes looking over the stove

I am complete when we cuddle

I love being your mom,

I love you,

Apple of my eye

Salt in my stew

Warm wind of my spring

Dedicated to my lovely children
Ehlissa, Myles, Nate

Club Life

Even when your growth made me sick

Even when your little limbs stretched my body to the limit

Even when all of the pains and discomforts of birth threatened to overtake me

I wouldn't take any of it back

Because the first time I held your tiny hand

My heart melted

When I first got to kiss you

I knew you were mine..I was so proud

When I first bathed you

You made me giggle

When I got to hear you laugh

You made my world

When you could hug me back

I knew I was meant to be your Mom....

What a blessing it is to nurture new life

What a privilege it is to love, show love and teach love to budding seeds

What an awesome responsibility it is to guide a generation

I love being a mom

No regrets

No surrender

No apologies

AMEN, I Say Again, AMEN

Definition of Amen:

 This Hebrew word means firm, and hence also faithful (Rev. 3:14). In Isa. 65:16, the Authorized Versionhas "the God of truth," which in Hebrew is "the God of Amen." It is frequently used by our Saviour to giveemphasis to his words, where it is translated "verily." Sometimes, only, however, in John's Gospel, it isrepeated, "Verily, verily." It is used as an epithet of the Lord Jesus Christ (Rev. 3:14). It is found singlyand sometimes doubly at the end of prayers (Ps. 41:13; 72:19; 89:52), to confirm the words and invokethe fulfilment of them. It is used in token of being bound by an oath (Num. 5:22; Deut. 27:15-26; Neh.5:13; 8:6; 1 Chr. 16:36). In the primitive churches it was common for the general audience to say "Amen"at the close of the prayer (1 Cor. 14:16). The promises of God are Amen; i.e., they are all true and sure(2 Cor. 1:20).

amen. (n.d.). Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary. Retrieved May 05, 2014, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/amen 

Amen, I say Again, Amen

Amen

Thru my tears

Amen

Thru my fears

Amen

Thru my lack of understanding

Amen and again I say Amen

I trust you My Lord, My Redeemer,

My lily in  the valley, The bright and Morning Star,

My peace giver, My way-maker

My Chief Comforter, My Father Abba,

Yahweh ...My King.

This time of trial is thick with many challenges

But you remain the same

My physical body is wavering under the strain

But You are still with me

My emotions are raw with no apology

But You intercede for me

My GOD, My GOD I cry out for strength and deliverance

And You lend Your ear to me

It is well with my soul...breathe your peace upon me once and again

To You Oh Lord and To You only I say AMEN

Testing, Testing, 1,2,3 Testing

Week 5 of our treatments,

Year 9 of my walk with this treasure

The days that have passed have been long and full of uncertainty

Fear and worry

In my weakness I even questioned My Lord, My Creator as to why

He entrusted me with these treasures...him and his brother

In my days of doubt I wanted nothing more than to have something normal

Something ordinary...something easily attained, something easily managed

But where would be the reward? Where would be the joy after the victory?

How would wisdom come if not borne out of the struggle? How would deliverance

be realized if there were no challenge?

How could anger be transformed into trust if all was the way I wanted it too be?

Where would be the growth if there was no need for faith?

How could I believe GOD can if I never knew He could?

SHADES OF A DAY

Is a day ever ordinary? I would contend no it is not...blessings are everywhere if you care to notice them.

Shades of A Day

To wake in my own bed nestled in soft warmth from my covers
is a treat

To look in on each of my little chickadees and see that they are
are well
is a delight

To be able to walk to the kitchen to fix some tea and bagels
is a privilege

To be able to kiss my friend, my love, my husband
is a beautiful reward

No matter what a day may bring, its challenges, its disappointments or its fears
it is always started with love
and ended with thankfulness