Measured Breaths

Deep, slow and deliberate. Those are my breathes. I am almost counting them.

Today is the day. Transplant is scheduled within a few hours.

It is beyond me. I am trying to grasp the day. I am sitting in the garden on the roof of the hospital.

I don't want to panic. I know I have no control...

I am scared.

I love my son.

But You love him more.

I would withhold what is best for him. Just to spare him from the immediate pain.

He is in his room sleeping.

I have sought You out before the rest of the world is awake.

I need to hear You through the silence.

I need to feel Your presence.

I don't want to be here.

My GOD, Yahweh, My GOD...My GOD

Words scream in my head but my voice has no strength

Is there any other way?

Hold me, as only You can

The sun rises beautifully. The colors are an awesome expression of Your Majesty

The silence holds strength

I don't want to walk through this day

I don't want this day

That is my fear roaring

Be of good courage, I am with you

It's Your promise

I reflect

Lighter are my steps as I walk back to his room