Spilled Milk

I never wanted a mini-van. The suburbs never held my interest and I most certainly didn't want to be anyone's housewife. Stay-at-home mom???!! Really? I am educated...I hold several degrees. I have been in the workforce since I was 12 years old.

But it means little to nothing when you look into the face of your child who is so very happy to see you waiting for him at the bus stop in the afternoon. Nor can you put a price on the security your husband feels knowing you are taking care of all of the intricate details required to run a home. He knows he can't do it...that is not where his strength is.

This is not the life I hoped for by any means. But it is the one I have.

I can choose to find beauty in the challenges of it or be crushed under the weight of disappointment. It doesn't change the fact that 2 of my 3 kids are autistic. Or that 2 of the 3 children have chronic medical conditions..one of them pretty severe.

What does change, however, is my perspective. I now understand that the power of choice that God has given me, (and each of us), has to be operated with God centered caution every day. I can't for one minute think that my power trumps the unknown or controls the outcome of any given situation. It simply gives me an opportunity to actively participate in the day God has given me.

We wanted babies. My husband wanted to be a father and was elated when I had cravings or when my belly was so round I couldn't fit behind the wheel of our car. He loved talking to the children when they were in the womb; he loved making them jump at the sound of his voice. We chose to become parents and asked GOD for the gift of life. We didn't know anything about learning disabilities, delays or anything of the sort. We do now but again our choice does not control our outcome.

We love our kids. We are saddened, sometimes, by the very real possibility that we won't have an empty nest or grandchildren from all of our brood. But it is okay. God says not to mess with secret things and the future is definitely a secret.

Despite his issues Myles rides the bus to and from school. He is not afraid to try and inner act with his peers. He understands where he is in his surroundings and is better than a G.P.S. when you need directions. Just tell him where you are trying to go and he can tell you how to get there.

Things like this make me say, "So what I didn't get what I wanted! I got what He knew I needed."

Trust Him to do the same for you.

Souljourner