Rewind

Greetings Family!

I hope all is well in your corner of the world. Forgive me if I have already shared this story with you.  Something's are worth repeating.

With that said here are some thoughts that needed to be shared with you. I hope it blesses you as much as it blessed me to write it.

Regards,

-Souljourner

I can't remember exactly what day it was but that is not an important detail; I do remember, however, that we were on the tail end of a very trying time with Nathan's dialysis treatment. It was over a series of days where Nathan was not receiving adequate treatment due to a faulty catheter. As a result his blood pressure numbers were ridiculous. He didn't feel good and nothing we were trying was working.

It was painfully obvious that this little soldier had had enough. With tears in his eyes he looked at me and his sister...and he said "nothing is work!" "Nothing is work, Mom".  I was terrified, I couldn't breathe. My blood was cold. My mouth was dry. My feet felt like lead and my arms were numb. I thought...no you can't give up. Please don't give up..

I couldn't get to him fast enough even though I was standing less than 3 steps from him. Ehlissa stopped what she was doing and reached him and embraced him! Whispering reassurances in his ear as he sobbed. I grabbed both of them and JESUS CHRIST held all of us.

This reflection is so fresh in my mind. I need it; it keeps me grounded; it reminds me of where my Hope lies; it tells me that it is okay to not know the outcome. Praise GOD Nathan has recovered...but that little guy's strength keeps me going.

To tell you that I never want to give up. That I never grow tired is a lie. I do, I am human, I am his mother. I don't want to see him suffer. It makes me feel powerless and the helplessness is enough to drive one insane. But I will also tell you that I hold on to God's promises: that He will never leave me nor forsake me; that He is with me always!; He says be strong and of good courage for HE IS WITH ME.

My GOD thank you!! Thank you when there is more week than it is money; Thank you when I think my life doesn't matter; Thank you when I am afraid because I don't know the end of this challenge. Thank you when I feel like my mistakes have brought me to where I am. Thank you when I don't think I can surrender anything else. Thank you because you remain the same despite my fickleness.

Folks, I can do nothing on my own but I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me! I need His strength. I need His arms of protection. I need His warmth, His love, His reassurance that He has already conquered death and sin. I need to be reminded that He has already given me the victory. It lights me in the darkest of my days. My shoulders are not broad enough to carry the weight of my life. But He is and His promises spur me to continue! His Holy Spirit raises that fight nature in me and encourages me to continue with my head held high.

If you choose not to believe, I don't understand how you make it. Honestly the rain falls on me just like it does you. However, I am not consumed by it nor am I utterly destroyed. I know whose I am. So I am comforted with His quiet reassurance that I am in His hand.

Life is hard and often unfair. And is this wasn't enough it leaves us, with no apologies or explanations. But you don't have to go it alone. God said to take his yoke while He takes ours. He is my confidence secured. He is my rest. You can have the same rest if you choose too.

Just thought you should know