Human Moments

Do you ever wonder what the air will be like in heaven? I do. I can't picture it but I know it will be glorious like Christmas morning to my 6 year old self. As we continue on this journey with Nate I find myself grasping unto to any hope I can find. Honestly some days the journey wears on me..I just hate the words autism and disease. I am like really, if I got to hear those terms one more time I promise that I will scream.

Funny thing of how reflection will help put things into perspective..about the time that I was just 'over' the whole renal failure, dialysis treatments  blah blah blah. The doctor entered our treatment room and started telling her colleagues all about the last several months of Nate's history. Just listening to her made me go Thank You Jesus! I hadn't forgotten it just that sometimes when you are in the fight you forget that you are on the winning side.

I can't imagine being a soldier in the middle of a war. The constant sound of gun fire, watching your comrades falling day after day with no end in sight. The feeling of helplessness and lack of control are your constant companions. But still you fight on because the cost of defeat is too great. Something in you just won't let you give up.

I don't like the challenges I have faced thus far on this journey; honestly I don't care for the journey. I vote for a different one. But that is not in my power and I must remind myself to trust the One who does have it.

The other day Nathan cried out to his sister that his treatment wasn't working, "nothing is working" and he poured out his heart. His eyes were full of tears that carried his frustration. His sister, no longer protected by distance, saw him as he was just a scared little boy who desperately needed comfort and answers. Without missing a beat her and I rushed to his bedside assaulting him with kisses, rubbing his hands and filling his ears with reassurances. Again surrender is not an option and the cost of defeat is too great. We have to keep fighting, he has to keep fighting.

I am happy to report that he has since returned to his jolly, mischievous self and once again the house is filled with laughter and innocence. Despite me having my human moments..there is still so much to experience. This story is far from over.

Heaven, I am sure, is filled with the most imaginable of things; the thought of being so close to the Christ and Lord God Jehovah overwhelms me with pure delight. But still I ask for a little more length to my walk because I want to go all the way to the end and beyond. Wouldn't you?
-Souljourner