Wisdom Pearl

 2024 Phoenix Arizona

If you ask God to help you see your life as He sees it, then you will see that your thread is a single line of beauty placed with purpose in His tapestry of love!

#youwereworthit!

John 3:16

Sj

THE GOOD FIGHT

 TURN BACK!

An honest look at the state of our youth as, we (our nation), continue to proliferate a godless culture. 

SJ

THE GOOD FIGHT

 SWEET & TENDER, GRACE IS TO ME..

Hello Reader, 

Today I would like to share a lesson about grace! 

Per Merriam Webster Dictionary, Grace is:  Favor; good will; kindness; disposition to oblige another; as a grant made as an act of grace. Grace

I am in the middle of my life. I can neither go back and don't know how long I will move forward. So far, all of my children have graduated from High School; One has completed college and one is chasing it; and one has completed his certificate through a school designed to serve Autistic or Neurodivergent adults. 

My husband is looking to retire soon out of his field and I am asking myself, "Ok, what's next". After two years of asking I still don't have an answer. Most likely due to me not sitting still long enough for YAHWEH to answer me. I know HE has all of the answers, but if I am honest, sometimes I am leery of what the possible outcomes may be. Experience has shown me that the quicker I press into GOD the quicker I can be at peace with whatever HE decides.

Recently, one of our elder children decided to return to the nest and we were ecstatic about it. This particular child lived on the other side of the country and we didn't get to see her much. Sure, we talked and video chatted, but that was only a substitute for the real thing. We welcomed her, made space for her and decided to settle in until the Lord revealed what was next. The driver behind Ms. Independent (how I will refer to her moving forward) was her health. I think it was in 2017 where she suffered a serious bout of sickness which called for heavy medical intervention. However, before she was healed good, she was on a plane out to Seattle for a job interview (she had just graduated college with her degree in Business). She left in May of 2018 and by December 2018 Mr. Howard suffered a major heart-attack/stroke. I was devasted. I was angry. I was confused. 

Fast forward when Ms. Independent shared that her position was very stressful and her health was diminishing, we knew the best scenario was for her to return to the nest for a time. At first all was coming up ice-cream and sunshine. Then, she met someone, who was kind to her. He was/is caring and has some good qualities. However, this young man Mr. dependent is in need of serious help that is above her pay grade and ours. Soon strife ensued. Courtesy was out of the window. Honoring us as parents and helpers was lost. It was replaced with demands for us to stay out of her life, stop micro-managing her, who cares who she dates its her life and of course I AM AN ADULT! 

An adult who is in their parent's home, just like Mr. dependent. They are not an equal match. Matter of fact he fits in a pattern with a long history of pursuing tainted water from broken cisterns. Ms. Independent was a challenge as soon as puberty hit and has not stopped. Very me-centered like most of her generation. She does, however, have an excellent work ethic (proof that we taught her something). From February to July they have decided, like many of todays couples, to co-habitat despite the lack of full time employment or the desire for it (by one party). WHAT????? 

Where is GOD? No where; she has walked away from Him and put her desires first. Side note: Trust God to chose your mate while trusting that you can't. He knows infinitely more. 

Now, where does Grace fit in? Glad you asked! As I watch my prodigal live out her rebellion in front of me, I am grieved and disappointed. I have had to mourn my expectations for a beautiful mother/daughter relationship. I have come to accept the fact that she is walking in darkness. A enemy of the Cross. Thank God the story doesn't in there! Despite the shades of my past indiscretions, bad judgements and overall commitment to failure, washing over me with every argument we have.  I am humbled by the fact that GOD sent Jesus (His Son) to die for me while I was still a sinner walking in darkness..I was also an enemy of the Cross.(Rom. 5:9-11)

I am brought to my knees with new appreciation of GOD'S perfect and willing sacrifice that He prepared, sent and resurrected on my behalf even though my sins nailed Him to the Cross. I reflect in awe the Love that Christ has for humanity as we spit on Him, reject His ways, constantly fall short even when we come to the realization that there is NO LIFE without HIM! All He asks is that we acknowledge Him as the Risen Savior and repent of our sins. All of the brutality He suffered while I committed acts of fornication, greed, theft, pride, rebellion, lust..... He knew that Mr. Howard and I would come to Him. Fully surrendering and trying our best to guide our children to accept that Jesus is the only way to Heaven. In Him is the Truth of all things and the Life of Heaven. He is God in human form. (John 14:6)

As I weep, pray, weep and make a stand for what is and is not accepted in our house I take comfort knowing that Ms. Independent is where she needs to be...right where her rebellion will meet overwhelming consequences that will lead her to GOD. Our job as her parents are filled to a point. We are only stewards of her life, not the owner or creator or it. 

While I am not looking forward to the process that will yield humility, in this proud little sheep, I am excited to see how different her life will look if she opens herself to GOD. In the meantime, I get to continue to thank YAHWEH for his sweet and tender grace that He has and continues to give me. I (with wisdom) will continue to apply to our prodigal. Loving her until she comes to the Truth of Jesus as the only Way, and Life. Not giving ground or neglecting the Principles of the Gospel as we (her parents) are determined to present lives full of the HOLY SPIRIT in front of her and Mr. dependent.

Sj

Don't give up!

Pray them through, remembering someone had to pray for you

 WISDOM PEARL:

KNOWLEDGE without Wisdom leans to Evil

Knowledge without LOVE leads to destruction

Knowledge + Wisdom+ Love = Productive Balance 

All Wisdom and Knowledge comes from GOD

sj

REST TO RISE

 REST TO RISE

Hey Family!

I can't believe we are six months into 2024 and you have not heard from me! Good Grief! That means I have been way too busy, pre-occupied or just simply lacked the desire to capture my thoughts.

None of which are good. 

Question: Have you ever just felt numb? Going thru a day only wanting to get to the end of it so you could hide away? Well if you have, then this post will resonate with you. 

As long as I can remember, I have spent my time chasing after the "next thing". That thing that promised to bring me happiness, fill the hole in my soul, the ache in my chest. Anything, that would finally satisfy the nameless void of emotions I felt, but couldn't describe. (Matt. 6:8) That search led me to lots of negative spaces, dank places and eventual idol worship. 

I ignored the One who loved my soul so much that HE gave up HIS place to save me; to show me love, to give me the identity of ownership that I didn't know I craved. He waited patiently me for me as I stumbled, fell, went the wrong way until finally, I came to the end of myself. 

Yes, I was despondent, depressed and lacked a clear view of what was supposed to be next. I spoke in detail on my Coffee Talk Podcast  Ep 5 about where I was and the uncertainty of where I was going. 

Well...here we are almost a year later and those feelings are still lingering. This time I recognize the gnawing as a cry for hunger. So, how do I fill it? Pressing in. The same thing I said in 2023, and I continue to stand on it. 

I know what it's like to chase after success like it was a river of gold, I just needed to plot a course: school, more school, work, more work, climb the ladder, buy a house in the suburbs, sit at the big table. Naw, that's not for me and I am all right with that now. 

God knows what we need before we even ask. Yes, I would like a house, but for right now my apartment in cozy fitting 5 souls under it; Would I like to have access to more money, sure, but what is more important to me is what will I do with it? I need to be sure I will look to be a blessing to someone else and not be a hoarder. Working is work, I wanna work, but not feel like I am working. Does that make sense? Let me explain.

I have found the secret to my success! What is it?? Walking in the flow of GOD! When I am in His flow, I don't want for nothing because He is my Shepherd (Psalm 23); When I am in His flow those feelings of hunger that once drove me to either destruction or misguided paths, are quieted, soothed if you will by His Word  (Psalm 119:105). My focus is no longer on trinkets that will rust, break, grow old, or fall into dis-repair. Those things have a place, but  not at the forefront of my life! Meaning the pursuit of material possessions or status shouldn't get all of my attention (heart); my energy (hands) or my love (head). That belongs to Christ and to Him alone. 

I want what He wants. I will trust the Lord until I die, was an old song we used to sing at Creve Coeur Baptist Church in St. Louis. Now, I can sing it with more conviction because I understand it a littler mo'betta. Wherever He leads, I will follow and that family is my definition of success. My peace is directly tied to the Prince of it. My counsel to tell me where and when I am going is wrapped up in Jesus. (Isaiah 9:6). 

Twenty-Four years of marriage is quickly approaching. All the kids are adults now. Autism is still surprising me by the discovery of new things. Sixteen years of being an educator is now behind me. I have alot in front of me and I am no longer afraid because the Lord's promises to be with me. So, I take courage (Joshua 1), and put one foot in front of the other. Confidentially following wherever He leads me. Will I ever stop asking the Lord," where are you leading me Father?" Only He knows, but I don't think I will. That is not my goal. My goal is to step when He says step, to obey when El Shaddai gives me a command because obedience is better than sacrifice (1 Sam 15:22). That is my definition of success. 

2024 has revealed some personal health challenges that are being addressed. Sometimes, I gotta rest, but trust it is only to rise, ready to go where He sends me!

Circling back to the original question at the beginning of the post I have found that when I am feeling numb, or despondent it is because I have lost sight of my center and my priorities are out of place. I need to return to my first love which is Christ. Today, I did (in between naps, Tylenol and ice) and the result was this blog entry. I rested, I pressed in and now I have risen to inspire you to recommit your focus on God, the Author and Finisher or your faith. (Heb. 12:2)

Sj

 Seasons! Pt. 2

Romans 8:28 says

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose. 

As I sit and pen this post my heart is breaking. My eyes are cloudy from the tears. I am so glad I am alone so I can cry out as much and as often as I need.  

Honestly, I don't understand where this rush of emotion is coming from. I can't detect that one thing that broke this camel's back. But, I know my heart has been trying to cry out, even in the weary hours of the night, when I was too unconscious to try and comprehend what was going on. Who wakes up with tears running down their face? I mean really, who does that?

With my best effort I had tried to stem the flow of this wave because I didn't understand it. For a creature of logic "the why" is crucial for my processing! Only when that is known can I fully accept, react or prepare for what is happening. Again, I am so happy I am alone. There is no one to hear me lament ( to mourn aloud : WAIL ).

Reader, I am hopeful that you have already familiarized yourself with the first part of Seasons. If not, please do. 

Anthony and I have been married for 23 years this year. In that time we have merged 2 families, buried a son, gained life long friends and had our share of ups/downs and all in between. We have been graced with 3 beautiful daughters, between the two of us, who are still trying to find their way. Not quite yet convinced that JESUS is the only way. Only one was raised with her brothers and thus experienced the pain of separation (death) so early, however, she was able to see two more brothers enter the world! With no fear she prophetically, boldly stated with confidence of a child, in her 9 -year old voice, "GOD said HE is giving me two more brothers and those I get to keep." They are thick as thieves! The promise of God was a sealed fact for her!

We have survived the threat of divorce, catastrophic disappointment, pain, and consequential acceptance of autism; We have weathered one income for a good many years as dictated by our American disability system which says ' because you chose not to abort your disabled child, we will make it so that our help comes with a very steep price'. Jehovah GOD allowed us to raise 3 children, 2 with special needs, on one income of less than $40k a year. Don't ever try to tell me JESUS doesn't exist because you will lose that argument! 

We have survived the trials that come from two people totally unprepared for the demands of traditional marriage; which, is an act of SERVICE! One has to die to oneself, not to be enslaved because true love doesn't enslave nor does it exalt itself over someone else, but works to achieve the proper balance that creates harmony in the home. 

Yet, now as I sit with Rick Pino playing in the back ground, I must confess that I have been doubting the Lord. I have been afraid of the future. I looked at it as a big piece of blackness like a hole that had no end. Smothering, full of malice and fear. I have been afraid of this moment because I don't know what comes after this. 

I have not trusted GOD and still struggle to do so. So, when I see a passage like Romans 8:28 I ask "how"? How is this good? I don't even know what is going on! I am overwhelmed because life won't give me a moment to breath. Or has it? The boys are off to camp. Daughter has moved out. I am working full time doing what I love! Equipping future generations to make good financial decisions! Anthony despite a heart attack and stroke in 2018, is at work and I am alone.  Just me and Jesus. 

This is all good, right? Then why am I crying out? Why is my heart so heavy? And what does this have to do with the scripture I quoted? 

My kids are adults in this ugly world our collective sin has created for them. Yet, they are thriving. They are independent thinkers; they are able to articulate their needs or find a safe space with a trusted adult; they can text me or their Dad and ask for help. The youngest, who had the most severe  health issues, now has a job! He plays the drums and is teaching himself the electric guitar! 

A different season is here, it is upon me. It doesn't care how unprepared I feel, how scared I am, how many questions I have or how much of a challenge it is to my faith. "FATHER, help me".  'I am hear' He replies, 're-read Romans 8: 28-31'. All things: the breakings' the challenges; the joys; the unknowns; the disappointments; the not yets; the corrections; the mistakes; the laughter; the sicknesses; the healthy times; the growing. ALL of it! It all works together for the good because I LOVE HIM!! Jesus, in His Holiness, knows I need this time to mourn whatever I thought our life was supposed to be;  whatever I thought it was going to be! It's time to let go of my expectations and accept that GOD's will is good even though it sometimes will be tough to follow, or that it will hurt, or cause discomfort. That it will cause Anthony and I to stretch beyond our comfort zone. 

Reader, I can tell you that we have measured the cost and found that Jesus, the Son of the Only Living GOD is worth following! The blessings of obedience outlined in Deuteronomy 28 are worth the pursuit of GOD and submitting to HIS Will above our own!  My mourning, is an act of surrender. 

I don't know what the future holds. I don't have to know in order to trust Him. That's faith. Hardcore, undiluted, honest and naked. For sure, I will be better for it because He said ALL things work together for my good and His Will is good therefore all things will be good. 

There will still be funerals to attend, prayers for intervention to be prayed, conversations admitting my lack of understanding or agreement. But, in the end I know, I have this assurance, that all of it will work together in creating a beautiful tapestry of my life, lived in faith to The One who holds me. 

What Season are you in?

Sj

Sources Used:

“Deuteronomy 4 NIV - - Bible Gateway.” Www.biblegateway.com, www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy%204&version=NIV.

‌ “Definition of LAMENT.” Www.merriam-Webster.com, www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/lament.

“Rick Pino - the Altar Sessions (Volume 1) [Live Full Album].” Www.youtube.com, www.youtube.com/live/FRMOr9uk1Fw?feature=share. Accessed 10 Aug. 2023.

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SEASONS! Pt 1

 SEASONS!

Greetings Family!

I hope all is well with you and yours...

Today, I would like to share some reflections. As I had mentioned before there was a major loss in our family this past April; and if I am honest, we have had major losses for the last 5 or more years. Close cousins, Matriarchs of the family, uncles, friends, brothers. It has been a tough year right out of the gate and I was not emotionally equipped to handle any of it. Add to that the ever changing dynamics of my family! The boys are now young adults, I have no more K-12 students in my house. Facing the world of Autism again, this time with adults, is just as intimidating and scary as it was when my husband and I started this journey almost 22 years ago. 

I didn't want that fight. Not again. The boys' transition from high school to "real-world" experiences had gone swimmingly well for one, and not so great for the other. Like any parent, I assessed their strengths and challenges to come away with a viable strategy to help both of them. The one was curious enough to try community college and the other showed that he could benefit from more direct training in a small intimate structured environment. Doesn't seem problematic? Right?

Fair warning, if you are thinking of sending your LD adult child or disabled adult child into a higher education environment just know that the following conditions may apply: prospective students are expected to pass a regular entrance exam in Math and English; despite the Guardian or Parent sending in documentation supporting the student's need for accommodations, one hand does not know what the other is doing!; Departments do not communicate as regularly as they should. Be prepared to keep a copy of your order of Guardianship with you on your phone at all times because you may have to assist with read-a-loud or any other assistance that is needed; Also, IEP's and 504's don't mean a hill of beans in this world of academia. No guidance, buddy system or mentoring club is available. No assignment reductions are sanctioned because that is seen as changing the curriculum. WHATTTTT??? So, if your student is not capable of creating a 5 paragraph essay but is capable of answering the subject matter in 5 sentences, then the assignment is considered incomplete. 

I could go on and on about the short comings we have experienced because our son's community college is reactive, not proactive; instead I am happy to report that the needs of the student as an individual have been heard, even though they may fall outside the perimeters addressed by ADA. As a direct result of parent involvement (the whole squeaky wheel thing) and compassionate staff, new community partners have been added to help our student(s) adjust to life outside of  high school. 

Whew! I can't tell you how many iced coffees (no added sugar) I have drank in the last 4 months so, I could try to not fall out during this marathon of investigating, learning, talking, emailing, hounding people to get the needs of my son met. He aspires to earn a degree and its our duty to help him attain it. 

By, February between teaching Economics (my day job) and dealing with all of these hurdles, I was ready to collapse. My sisters tried to rescue me and offer me a birthday trip to Arizona where I could relax, decompress and unclutter my mind but, of course, life happened and the trip has been put on hold.  

Reader I will give you  a minute to digest this information and come back with Part 2 of Seasons!

Sj

ps. I would read Romans 8:28  till the end if you are a believer in the Risen Lord Jesus Christ!  That has been my lifeline.