Moment, Thy Name is Candid

My husband and I were talking just last night. The house was winding down for the evening. Dinner had been served, homework was done and the kids had finished their nightly shower. In the bed they had scurried but we knew they were far from sleeping. We heard them go back and forth in their own language...reciting their favorite cartoons, laughing and playing.

I was in the kitchen putting food away and washing dishes and a thought occurred to me. What if we could travel back in time. To the moment when we (Anthony & I), first met? Knowing everything we know now. Would we still move forward in our relationship or would we turn with a nod and walk away? So of course being the natural female I am, (meaning I am always curious), I posed the question to my beloved. His answer I have recorded for you below:

Actually Hun yes I would do it again. Even if I could go back 20+ years..I have no regrets. I love those boys, I love Pooh, I love all of my children. Yes it is hard being parents to two autistic boys, but they are my boys. Sometimes I wish they were normal but then immediately I am glad they are not. They are who they are. They are honest and sometimes a little raw but they make no apologies for it and why should they have to?

Yes it's been hard watching Nate go thru all that he has had to go thru. In and out of the hospital. Constantly at the doctors office. But it was all worth it. Because the of the joy! I love my joy sometimes it is in the kids laughter. Sometimes it is in the comfort of being able to be home. Sometimes it is in the recovery of that boy. But no matter how it comes or when it is worth it to have. For that reason alone I would do it again. 

The next reason is for you. I can't imagine my life without you. Your smile, your laughter, the way you do what you do. I don't like the things we have to get thru sometimes but I am glad to have you to get thru it with.

At that moment I was so very happy I accepted his proposal those 15+ years ago. I too am thankful to have Anthony on this journey. He is he which allows me to be me. As I returned to my chores  I quietly thanked God for giving me what I needed. Not what I wanted.

-Sj