I just had to share this because it was just that powerful. This morning as I was keeping my superman, (Nathan), company during dialysis, I started browsing through my Facebook page and came across a most interesting comment. It said:
Sometimes Our Lives Must Be Completely Shaken Up
Changed and Re-arranged To Relocate Us
To The Place We Are Meant To Be
I read this and thought..REALLY? Is this where I am meant to be on the eve of 44 driving a minivan, stalled in a second career with 3 kids 2 of whom are autistic and 1 of which has kidney disease and is waiting for a transplant. I mean is this what I was born for? Do you ever ask yourself that? Well I am having moment and need to be completely honest; and by the way for the critiques who will try and pick this apart. Being honest, having doubt, not totally sure of the details that will lead to victory, angry if this is all there is to your life is just being real. It has nothing to do with my Faith in GOD and everything to do with my humanity. I am frail, weak and sometimes I waiver. I am impatient, I want all the details, I don't want to trust I just want to know!
I want to know why I have a desire for greatness but have to settle for being a lowly housewife...yes I said it. I have degrees, I have mad skills and I should be running something or another..creating mergers, having international meetings, setting the industry standard, having a staff of domestic divas to cook, clean and wash my clothes, and a driver. That's success. Or is it?
If GOD allowed me to obtain all of those things, would I have a desire to know Him? No I wouldn't.
If GOD allowed me to even have a measure of the success I have dreamed of, would I want to spend the rest of my life honoring Him? No I wouldn't.
If GOD took me any other way to try and get me here, the place where my heart is open to Him, would it have worked. No, it wouldn't have.
GOD will not violate His own principles, He is too Holy to do so, even His gift of free will He will not operate against. Therefore He presents us with choices (choose who you will serve this day) but His desire is for us to love Him and accept His will - with trust, victorious expectation and a willingness to obey. He knows what is best for us and it ain't the candy which satisfies but doesn't sustain.
Had He allowed me to essentially destroy myself..(pin it) then I would have risked not entering into His rest, His peace, His paradise. Instead I may have gotten what I deserved which is death and eternal separation. No, He loved me to much to give me what I wanted and gave me what I needed...
My children keeps me:
- humble
- in His presence
- in His joy
- with a heart change - they make me want to serve Him by serving them
- open to opportunities to share my faith via testimonies of God's goodness
- persistent in planting good seed, knowing that one day I will benefit from the harvest
My marriage keeps me:
- thankful
- laughing
- love on a different level
- seeking peace
- in GOD's Perfect structure
- open to opportunities to share GOD's strength to other women
- challenges me to walk in the Promises of GOD
So a housewife I am... but lowly and unimportant I am not! My Father loves me and entrusted to me tasks that could not be accomplished by anyone else. My Father is so Perfect in His Plan for me that no matter what challenges I face or where I may find myself I can still experience His joy..and grow in my faith towards Him.
I am glad we can talk about the "Oh, Snap" moments because once we talk it out then I know I am right where I need to be. I may not like it but it is necessary...and that brings me into His Peace.
Souljourner
*pin it explained - what man sees as success and good accomplishments may in fact turn into a pseudo-god. A false entity that lures one away with the distractions (pleasure, wealth, wrong securities) of life. So if one gains everything but loses their soul, what have they gained?
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Mark 8:36 www.biblegateway.com
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