Full Circles III

Stacey was so beautifully creative and socially conscience I just couldn't stand it! I was always so jealous (in a good way) of her gifts and her ability to connect with people. Did I mention the girl was as smart as a whip. She knew history and she was solid in her beliefs. She was gentle, classy and powerful. I remember working with her and wanting to be just like her, cool, calm and collected. Guarding her thoughts until the most opportune time. We were polar opposites. Everyone always knew what was on my mind. I controlled the atmosphere in a room and would change it to suit my liking. Not Ms. Dabney, she would adjust, learn and move on. She was awesome! I wish she had aspired to be a professor because anyone who loves the purest pursuit of knowledge, like she did, could gleam so much from her.

When I heard she was diagnosed with cancer my thoughts were immediately shadowed with the worst. I shrugged it off and said no, not her. She is a survivor, a beautiful diva. It will be all right. As the year passed my attentions were completely engulfed with Nathan his pending kidney transplant, my own health issues and our daughter. Myles was a silent bystander flexible, brave and forever my companion. He just rolled with what ever was going on for that day. He was just amazing. I kept our little click informed via our mutual friend. She kept me informed on Stacey's progress with chemo and stuff. I kept meaning to call, to send her a copy of my book, to reconnect and a 1000 other things. But I didn't.

Bernice passed in October this year and by late November I had gotten a picture of Stacey. I knew I had run out of time to express my love and appreciation of her friendship. Our friend called me to share of all of the fantastic exploits they had recently experienced together and how she was so courageous. She dictated her obituary, she picked out her headstone, she facilitated all of her final arrangements. She directed her closest friends on how to handle her business affairs, she published a book and took a trip to Florida to everyone's surprise and she decided when to stop her chemo. Not two weeks later I had gotten the news that she had passed. I cried. I was angry. I decided that I hated cancer. I also decided that I would be as courageous as she was not in facing my end; but with facing my every day's.

There is an open wound, there is a split in my soul but I will heal. Stacey would tell me to have a lot of sex with my husband (she was a cheeky one) and love on my beautiful babies and never let anyone stop me from reaching the achievable. Her very presence reassured me. Her knowledge astounded me and her realness made me fall in love with her! She was my friend. It was an esteemed privileged to know her.

I learned from her in her final days almost as much as I learned from her while she lived.

-sj