SWEET & TENDER, GRACE IS TO ME..

Hello Reader, 

Today I would like to share a lesson about grace! 

Per Merriam Webster Dictionary, Grace is:  Favor; good will; kindness; disposition to oblige another; as a grant made as an act of grace. Grace

I am in the middle of my life. I can neither go back and don't know how long I will move forward. So far, all of my children have graduated from High School; One has completed college and one is chasing it; and one has completed his certificate through a school designed to serve Autistic or Neurodivergent adults. 

My husband is looking to retire soon out of his field and I am asking myself, "Ok, what's next". After two years of asking I still don't have an answer. Most likely due to me not sitting still long enough for YAHWEH to answer me. I know HE has all of the answers, but if I am honest, sometimes I am leery of what the possible outcomes may be. Experience has shown me that the quicker I press into GOD the quicker I can be at peace with whatever HE decides.

Recently, one of our elder children decided to return to the nest and we were ecstatic about it. This particular child lived on the other side of the country and we didn't get to see her much. Sure, we talked and video chatted, but that was only a substitute for the real thing. We welcomed her, made space for her and decided to settle in until the Lord revealed what was next. The driver behind Ms. Independent (how I will refer to her moving forward) was her health. I think it was in 2017 where she suffered a serious bout of sickness which called for heavy medical intervention. However, before she was healed good, she was on a plane out to Seattle for a job interview (she had just graduated college with her degree in Business). She left in May of 2018 and by December 2018 Mr. Howard suffered a major heart-attack/stroke. I was devasted. I was angry. I was confused. 

Fast forward when Ms. Independent shared that her position was very stressful and her health was diminishing, we knew the best scenario was for her to return to the nest for a time. At first all was coming up ice-cream and sunshine. Then, she met someone, who was kind to her. He was/is caring and has some good qualities. However, this young man Mr. dependent is in need of serious help that is above her pay grade and ours. Soon strife ensued. Courtesy was out of the window. Honoring us as parents and helpers was lost. It was replaced with demands for us to stay out of her life, stop micro-managing her, who cares who she dates its her life and of course I AM AN ADULT! 

An adult who is in their parent's home, just like Mr. dependent. They are not an equal match. Matter of fact he fits in a pattern with a long history of pursuing tainted water from broken cisterns. Ms. Independent was a challenge as soon as puberty hit and has not stopped. Very me-centered like most of her generation. She does, however, have an excellent work ethic (proof that we taught her something). From February to July they have decided, like many of todays couples, to co-habitat despite the lack of full time employment or the desire for it (by one party). WHAT????? 

Where is GOD? No where; she has walked away from Him and put her desires first. Side note: Trust God to chose your mate while trusting that you can't. He knows infinitely more. 

Now, where does Grace fit in? Glad you asked! As I watch my prodigal live out her rebellion in front of me, I am grieved and disappointed. I have had to mourn my expectations for a beautiful mother/daughter relationship. I have come to accept the fact that she is walking in darkness. A enemy of the Cross. Thank God the story doesn't in there! Despite the shades of my past indiscretions, bad judgements and overall commitment to failure, washing over me with every argument we have.  I am humbled by the fact that GOD sent Jesus (His Son) to die for me while I was still a sinner walking in darkness..I was also an enemy of the Cross.(Rom. 5:9-11)

I am brought to my knees with new appreciation of GOD'S perfect and willing sacrifice that He prepared, sent and resurrected on my behalf even though my sins nailed Him to the Cross. I reflect in awe the Love that Christ has for humanity as we spit on Him, reject His ways, constantly fall short even when we come to the realization that there is NO LIFE without HIM! All He asks is that we acknowledge Him as the Risen Savior and repent of our sins. All of the brutality He suffered while I committed acts of fornication, greed, theft, pride, rebellion, lust..... He knew that Mr. Howard and I would come to Him. Fully surrendering and trying our best to guide our children to accept that Jesus is the only way to Heaven. In Him is the Truth of all things and the Life of Heaven. He is God in human form. (John 14:6)

As I weep, pray, weep and make a stand for what is and is not accepted in our house I take comfort knowing that Ms. Independent is where she needs to be...right where her rebellion will meet overwhelming consequences that will lead her to GOD. Our job as her parents are filled to a point. We are only stewards of her life, not the owner or creator or it. 

While I am not looking forward to the process that will yield humility, in this proud little sheep, I am excited to see how different her life will look if she opens herself to GOD. In the meantime, I get to continue to thank YAHWEH for his sweet and tender grace that He has and continues to give me. I (with wisdom) will continue to apply to our prodigal. Loving her until she comes to the Truth of Jesus as the only Way, and Life. Not giving ground or neglecting the Principles of the Gospel as we (her parents) are determined to present lives full of the HOLY SPIRIT in front of her and Mr. dependent.

Sj

Don't give up!

Pray them through, remembering someone had to pray for you