We often remember the rainbow
but forget it only comes after the rain
-sj
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Wisdom Pearl #108
Wisdom Pearl #108
We often remember the rainbow
but forget it only comes after the rain
-sj
We often remember the rainbow
but forget it only comes after the rain
-sj
Monday, December 14, 2015
Reminded
though i feel separated from my soul
you are still with me
though my tears fall like a spring rain
you offer me comfort
through the season of mourning I travel
you remind me of you
In you is all of the mercy I need
the peace I desire
the calm I crave
the reassurance I seek
It is all in you
you promised never to leave me
and you have not
you told me to be strong and of good courage
it's hard for me right now
I hear your whisper..Grace, your grace is sufficient for me
Now I remember my strength
-sj
you are still with me
though my tears fall like a spring rain
you offer me comfort
through the season of mourning I travel
you remind me of you
In you is all of the mercy I need
the peace I desire
the calm I crave
the reassurance I seek
It is all in you
you promised never to leave me
and you have not
you told me to be strong and of good courage
it's hard for me right now
I hear your whisper..Grace, your grace is sufficient for me
Now I remember my strength
-sj
It is
Even though some days I wished I didn't live to see
they are still good
Even if I wish I could start a few of them over
they are still good
Even though you are no longer walking with me
and I struggle to find the Sun
the day, is still good
It is the day that the Lord has made
I choose to rejoice in it
I push forward even though I don't want to
The day will move no faster
Even though I wish it would
But it doesn't change that it is still good
-sj
they are still good
Even if I wish I could start a few of them over
they are still good
Even though you are no longer walking with me
and I struggle to find the Sun
the day, is still good
It is the day that the Lord has made
I choose to rejoice in it
I push forward even though I don't want to
The day will move no faster
Even though I wish it would
But it doesn't change that it is still good
-sj
Wisdom #77
I have given you power from Me; that doesn't mean you won't suffer..it just means you won't lose!
-GOD
-GOD
Just A Friendly Reminder...
Greetings Reader!
As we are in full swing of the Season of Christ, many of you may be struggling to find a reason to be joyous. Some of you might be facing some very difficult issues, various challenges and struggles. Well you are not alone. Trust I have been having more moments in the last 2 weeks than I can remember having in a long time.
We are approaching the end of the year and what should be an awesome time for celebration and remembrance is turning into a time of depression and overwhelming sadness. Personally I have buried more friends this year than I care to count. The last two hitting me especially hard. So much so that when I visited the local Penny's store, last Saturday, I was a little taken a back by the amount of people that were at that mall. I remember thinking, what in the world is going on here? Must be a fire sale or something. Uhm no it's 2 weeks before Christmas and retailers are pulling out all of the stops to make it a profitable one. Oh..yeah I forgot about that.
Sure my tree is up and decorated; our apartment has lights hanging both inside and out. We have been listening to Christmas Themed music for almost 3 weeks straight. But yet I forgot what time it is. My attention has been divided. My person has been wounded and my emotions are scattered. Not to mention the weather here in the East is more reminiscent of an early spring than winter. It just doesn't feel like Christmas. You know what I mean? Like the last thing I am feeling right now is joyful and triumphant. Matter of fact I would just like to curl up in the corner with a gallon of Trini Egg-nog ( you have not lived till you've had it) and my favorite cartoons and forget that I exist for a while. Which I can't really do at all because my doctor has placed me on a diet...Oiveee
But I was reminded today. So gently, so silently that God IS no matter how I feel. Christmas has already happened. The miracle of the Virgin Birth has already happen. Christ walking among us has already happened. So it doesn't matter if I am 'feeling' it or not. God IS, HAS and WILL. None of which has anything to do with feelings. My bible reminds me that the Joy of the Lord is my strength! (Nehemiah 8:10) He spoke thru the Prophet Habakkuk (3rd Chapter) to remind me that The Sovereign Lord is my strength and that is not predicated by circumstances. That no matter what is going on in the world: the reality of ISIS; death of a loved one; wars and rumors of wars; growing open persecution of the Christian Faith, nothing can separate me from Him!(Romans 8:38)
So I challenge you, as I am challenging myself, to offer up PRAISE to The Lord of Host despite your tears, loneliness or depression. I am encouraging you to have a thankful heart as you push thru your day without your loved one. I dare you to show GOD to someone despite being broken. If you do I know you will discover what I have this day. That my strength (joy, courage, will to live) doesn't lie in what I make of the Christmas season but is given from the One through whom the season was made.
Look to Christ not your circumstances and embrace His joy. In the words of now immortal Stacey N. Dabney, "Girl, you betta Live!"
Warmest Regards,
sj
As we are in full swing of the Season of Christ, many of you may be struggling to find a reason to be joyous. Some of you might be facing some very difficult issues, various challenges and struggles. Well you are not alone. Trust I have been having more moments in the last 2 weeks than I can remember having in a long time.
We are approaching the end of the year and what should be an awesome time for celebration and remembrance is turning into a time of depression and overwhelming sadness. Personally I have buried more friends this year than I care to count. The last two hitting me especially hard. So much so that when I visited the local Penny's store, last Saturday, I was a little taken a back by the amount of people that were at that mall. I remember thinking, what in the world is going on here? Must be a fire sale or something. Uhm no it's 2 weeks before Christmas and retailers are pulling out all of the stops to make it a profitable one. Oh..yeah I forgot about that.
Sure my tree is up and decorated; our apartment has lights hanging both inside and out. We have been listening to Christmas Themed music for almost 3 weeks straight. But yet I forgot what time it is. My attention has been divided. My person has been wounded and my emotions are scattered. Not to mention the weather here in the East is more reminiscent of an early spring than winter. It just doesn't feel like Christmas. You know what I mean? Like the last thing I am feeling right now is joyful and triumphant. Matter of fact I would just like to curl up in the corner with a gallon of Trini Egg-nog ( you have not lived till you've had it) and my favorite cartoons and forget that I exist for a while. Which I can't really do at all because my doctor has placed me on a diet...Oiveee
But I was reminded today. So gently, so silently that God IS no matter how I feel. Christmas has already happened. The miracle of the Virgin Birth has already happen. Christ walking among us has already happened. So it doesn't matter if I am 'feeling' it or not. God IS, HAS and WILL. None of which has anything to do with feelings. My bible reminds me that the Joy of the Lord is my strength! (Nehemiah 8:10) He spoke thru the Prophet Habakkuk (3rd Chapter) to remind me that The Sovereign Lord is my strength and that is not predicated by circumstances. That no matter what is going on in the world: the reality of ISIS; death of a loved one; wars and rumors of wars; growing open persecution of the Christian Faith, nothing can separate me from Him!(Romans 8:38)
So I challenge you, as I am challenging myself, to offer up PRAISE to The Lord of Host despite your tears, loneliness or depression. I am encouraging you to have a thankful heart as you push thru your day without your loved one. I dare you to show GOD to someone despite being broken. If you do I know you will discover what I have this day. That my strength (joy, courage, will to live) doesn't lie in what I make of the Christmas season but is given from the One through whom the season was made.
Look to Christ not your circumstances and embrace His joy. In the words of now immortal Stacey N. Dabney, "Girl, you betta Live!"
Warmest Regards,
sj
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Full Circle - Final Reflections
With each of the stories I have just shared with you I would like to bring your attention to the commonalities of them both:
- 1. Both ladies are now deceased:
- 2. I knew and loved both of them
- 3. They affected me deeply just by the way they did what they did
- 4. They were beautiful! One the color of the sun and the other the warmest of pecan
Their parting has left me open. Their abscence forces me to put into action what they have taught me. So it stands to reason that if I was being taught then someone had to do the teaching right? Death.
It is our final enemy. The Lord promises to deal with it when He returns. To destroy it. However, in the mean time I will not let it defeat me nor keep me down. It's lessons are painful but honest. Final and long lasting.
Death is a great reminder to walk thru this life with my hands open. Ready to give, ready to receive never clinging on to anything because what I own will not be taken with me. I am not speaking of tangible assets, (cars, homes, jewelry, stocks). I am talking about my legacy. What people will take from having interaction with me. Whether for a long season or a short one. That is what will live long after I enter my rest.
Death has taught me the irony of separation...a person may be gone physically but their memory lives on. They may not be able to share a teachable moment with me or you anymore, but what they have taught us we use daily.
It is hard when we can't hear their laughter or see their smiles any more. It is difficult to not be able to smell the scent of their perfume or the aroma of their holiday feast. There are no words that I can use that will put a band aid on your hurt or my own. I just know that GOD is close to the brokenhearted so we are not alone.
Even more interesting is the notion that when death takes, we gain. What death parts is remade in other ways. What death ends gives birth to determination new. Today it is my teacher but it will never be my master. I will live for me and for all of those who have gone before me and for those who are coming after me.
-sj
Full Circles II
Reader hopefully you have read the previous entry, 'Full Circles I', if not I strongly recommend that you complete that one first and then return to this one. This way you are able to keep up with my thoughts. Think of it as a pre-requisite.
So far in this particular season of my life I have experienced the passing of my mother in love, Bernice Howard and a gentle friend, Stacey N. Dabney. Both of these women were extremely influential in the short time that I got to travel with them. Trust me when I say I am openly grieving, not at their loss, because that would imply that I don't know where they are, but our temporary separation.
There have been other losses that I have experienced in 2015, all are met with the same disdain for death. Probably because I feel powerless, overwhelmed, insignificant and frail. I don't enjoy saying goodbye at anything let alone a soul that has been freed from its earthly confines. However, that is only a small portion of this piece. I promised to equate death to teaching.
Bernice Howard was not only my mother n love, she was my friend. She came from a different era. In her day people had some sort of decorum or moral code that they lived by. Women carried themselves with pride in the home and outside of it. Now there are exemptions, of course, but she was not one of them. Her hair was coal black and her skin was the color of rich dark chocolate. She had a beautifully crooked smile and eyes that danced with mischievousness. She birthed eleven babies, nine survived. She had a dysfunctional marriage but she managed to raise her children the best way she knew how. Mr. Howard was a non-factor. She kept up her appearance and loved to talk to people; even though when I first met her she was very guarded. Oh boy and could she cook! I have almost given up trying to recreate her fried corn dish. I remember her laughter whenever I would complain that mine just didn't taste like hers. She would reply it was so easy..keep trying. Bernice, bka Dea, loved her kids, her grandkids, daughters in love and life in general. She would tell you when you were wrong, she would encourage you to stand when you were right. She was saucy and held no punches (meaning she spoke her mind). She loved me because I was different, a proper talking, sassy, hippy, freckled face girl who had captured the heart of her two youngest children. Her daughter was and still is one of my closest friends and her son, well I married him.
When many of the family choose not to understand the boys; or when they decided not to connect with Nathan because if we lost him their was no attachment, she stood firm with me. She loved and held those boys like they were her last. She loved and accepted Ehlissa way before her son and I said our vows. Family was family to her. No matter how different they were. She held my hand when I wanted to unleash all of my anger on the ignorance that was being displayed within our family. She reminded me that I never, ever have to stoop to anyone's level to get my point across. Learn all I can about my kids, because they are mine and no one could take that from me. She kept me calm through many storms of prejudice and intolerance in the circles we shared. So many things I will miss but one of the most is her sense of humor. Every time she saw me she made sure to relay that she was going to 'kick my butt' about something or another. That was our thing. She knew adversity. She knew how far colored people had come and how far we still needed to go. Thru her life I learned a thing or three about people. Her parting, so sudden and unexpected, taught me that no matter what type of anchors we have in this world, when the Lord calls we don't have any choice but to answer. So live an honorable life and you will have little worries.
Did I learn more from her death than her life? Certainly not. I respected her and admired her for all of her tenacity. She planned her arrangements, she organized her final affairs to the best of her abilities. She had little to no worries.
-sj
So far in this particular season of my life I have experienced the passing of my mother in love, Bernice Howard and a gentle friend, Stacey N. Dabney. Both of these women were extremely influential in the short time that I got to travel with them. Trust me when I say I am openly grieving, not at their loss, because that would imply that I don't know where they are, but our temporary separation.
There have been other losses that I have experienced in 2015, all are met with the same disdain for death. Probably because I feel powerless, overwhelmed, insignificant and frail. I don't enjoy saying goodbye at anything let alone a soul that has been freed from its earthly confines. However, that is only a small portion of this piece. I promised to equate death to teaching.
Bernice Howard was not only my mother n love, she was my friend. She came from a different era. In her day people had some sort of decorum or moral code that they lived by. Women carried themselves with pride in the home and outside of it. Now there are exemptions, of course, but she was not one of them. Her hair was coal black and her skin was the color of rich dark chocolate. She had a beautifully crooked smile and eyes that danced with mischievousness. She birthed eleven babies, nine survived. She had a dysfunctional marriage but she managed to raise her children the best way she knew how. Mr. Howard was a non-factor. She kept up her appearance and loved to talk to people; even though when I first met her she was very guarded. Oh boy and could she cook! I have almost given up trying to recreate her fried corn dish. I remember her laughter whenever I would complain that mine just didn't taste like hers. She would reply it was so easy..keep trying. Bernice, bka Dea, loved her kids, her grandkids, daughters in love and life in general. She would tell you when you were wrong, she would encourage you to stand when you were right. She was saucy and held no punches (meaning she spoke her mind). She loved me because I was different, a proper talking, sassy, hippy, freckled face girl who had captured the heart of her two youngest children. Her daughter was and still is one of my closest friends and her son, well I married him.
When many of the family choose not to understand the boys; or when they decided not to connect with Nathan because if we lost him their was no attachment, she stood firm with me. She loved and held those boys like they were her last. She loved and accepted Ehlissa way before her son and I said our vows. Family was family to her. No matter how different they were. She held my hand when I wanted to unleash all of my anger on the ignorance that was being displayed within our family. She reminded me that I never, ever have to stoop to anyone's level to get my point across. Learn all I can about my kids, because they are mine and no one could take that from me. She kept me calm through many storms of prejudice and intolerance in the circles we shared. So many things I will miss but one of the most is her sense of humor. Every time she saw me she made sure to relay that she was going to 'kick my butt' about something or another. That was our thing. She knew adversity. She knew how far colored people had come and how far we still needed to go. Thru her life I learned a thing or three about people. Her parting, so sudden and unexpected, taught me that no matter what type of anchors we have in this world, when the Lord calls we don't have any choice but to answer. So live an honorable life and you will have little worries.
Did I learn more from her death than her life? Certainly not. I respected her and admired her for all of her tenacity. She planned her arrangements, she organized her final affairs to the best of her abilities. She had little to no worries.
-sj
Full Circles III
Stacey was so beautifully creative and socially conscience I just couldn't stand it! I was always so jealous (in a good way) of her gifts and her ability to connect with people. Did I mention the girl was as smart as a whip. She knew history and she was solid in her beliefs. She was gentle, classy and powerful. I remember working with her and wanting to be just like her, cool, calm and collected. Guarding her thoughts until the most opportune time. We were polar opposites. Everyone always knew what was on my mind. I controlled the atmosphere in a room and would change it to suit my liking. Not Ms. Dabney, she would adjust, learn and move on. She was awesome! I wish she had aspired to be a professor because anyone who loves the purest pursuit of knowledge, like she did, could gleam so much from her.
When I heard she was diagnosed with cancer my thoughts were immediately shadowed with the worst. I shrugged it off and said no, not her. She is a survivor, a beautiful diva. It will be all right. As the year passed my attentions were completely engulfed with Nathan his pending kidney transplant, my own health issues and our daughter. Myles was a silent bystander flexible, brave and forever my companion. He just rolled with what ever was going on for that day. He was just amazing. I kept our little click informed via our mutual friend. She kept me informed on Stacey's progress with chemo and stuff. I kept meaning to call, to send her a copy of my book, to reconnect and a 1000 other things. But I didn't.
Bernice passed in October this year and by late November I had gotten a picture of Stacey. I knew I had run out of time to express my love and appreciation of her friendship. Our friend called me to share of all of the fantastic exploits they had recently experienced together and how she was so courageous. She dictated her obituary, she picked out her headstone, she facilitated all of her final arrangements. She directed her closest friends on how to handle her business affairs, she published a book and took a trip to Florida to everyone's surprise and she decided when to stop her chemo. Not two weeks later I had gotten the news that she had passed. I cried. I was angry. I decided that I hated cancer. I also decided that I would be as courageous as she was not in facing my end; but with facing my every day's.
There is an open wound, there is a split in my soul but I will heal. Stacey would tell me to have a lot of sex with my husband (she was a cheeky one) and love on my beautiful babies and never let anyone stop me from reaching the achievable. Her very presence reassured me. Her knowledge astounded me and her realness made me fall in love with her! She was my friend. It was an esteemed privileged to know her.
I learned from her in her final days almost as much as I learned from her while she lived.
-sj
When I heard she was diagnosed with cancer my thoughts were immediately shadowed with the worst. I shrugged it off and said no, not her. She is a survivor, a beautiful diva. It will be all right. As the year passed my attentions were completely engulfed with Nathan his pending kidney transplant, my own health issues and our daughter. Myles was a silent bystander flexible, brave and forever my companion. He just rolled with what ever was going on for that day. He was just amazing. I kept our little click informed via our mutual friend. She kept me informed on Stacey's progress with chemo and stuff. I kept meaning to call, to send her a copy of my book, to reconnect and a 1000 other things. But I didn't.
Bernice passed in October this year and by late November I had gotten a picture of Stacey. I knew I had run out of time to express my love and appreciation of her friendship. Our friend called me to share of all of the fantastic exploits they had recently experienced together and how she was so courageous. She dictated her obituary, she picked out her headstone, she facilitated all of her final arrangements. She directed her closest friends on how to handle her business affairs, she published a book and took a trip to Florida to everyone's surprise and she decided when to stop her chemo. Not two weeks later I had gotten the news that she had passed. I cried. I was angry. I decided that I hated cancer. I also decided that I would be as courageous as she was not in facing my end; but with facing my every day's.
There is an open wound, there is a split in my soul but I will heal. Stacey would tell me to have a lot of sex with my husband (she was a cheeky one) and love on my beautiful babies and never let anyone stop me from reaching the achievable. Her very presence reassured me. Her knowledge astounded me and her realness made me fall in love with her! She was my friend. It was an esteemed privileged to know her.
I learned from her in her final days almost as much as I learned from her while she lived.
-sj
Full Circles I
Rabbi, Sensie, Teacher, Instructor those are not the titles that one would normally associate with the most notorious of our enemies, Death.
Matter of fact, Reader you may think I am totally off my mark by even attempting to use these words as synonyms for that destroyer. I wouldn't blame you; but humor me. Let's start by taking a better look at two of the titles we will be using Rabbi and Sensie:
Rabbi:
http://www.yourdictionary.com/rabbi
JUDAISM a scholar and teacher of the Jewish law; now, specif., an ordained Jew, usually the spiritual head of a congregation, qualified to decide questions of law and ritual and to perform marriages, supervise religious education, etc.
SLANG a sponsor; influential friend
Rabbi is an honorable title which carries with it a huge weight of influence, hence the 2nd definition associated with the term.
Sensie:
a teacher or instructor usually of Japanese martial arts (as karate or judo) http://beta.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sensei
Again there is no logical reason, on the surface that is, to associate either one of these nouns of distinction with our enemy Death. However, I would like to propose a thought to you and that is that all of the a fore mentioned terms are unavoidably linked. Don't think so? Please allow me to present to you my argument because I believe as much as Dorothy did in those red shoes that they are indeed part of a circle of infinity. Not able to be broken, following or proceeding one another but always in the same flow.
The discussion continues in Pt 2
-sj
Matter of fact, Reader you may think I am totally off my mark by even attempting to use these words as synonyms for that destroyer. I wouldn't blame you; but humor me. Let's start by taking a better look at two of the titles we will be using Rabbi and Sensie:
Rabbi:
http://www.yourdictionary.com/rabbi
Rabbi is an honorable title which carries with it a huge weight of influence, hence the 2nd definition associated with the term.
Sensie:
a teacher or instructor usually of Japanese martial arts (as karate or judo) http://beta.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sensei
Again there is no logical reason, on the surface that is, to associate either one of these nouns of distinction with our enemy Death. However, I would like to propose a thought to you and that is that all of the a fore mentioned terms are unavoidably linked. Don't think so? Please allow me to present to you my argument because I believe as much as Dorothy did in those red shoes that they are indeed part of a circle of infinity. Not able to be broken, following or proceeding one another but always in the same flow.
The discussion continues in Pt 2
-sj
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
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