Grief, Sorrow, Joy and Hope

By -
What a difference a day makes...

Not long ago

I could not see any weight in my life

My heart had slipped thru my grasp

So helpless was I

As his life passed through my hands

I wanted the earth to open and cover me

I didn't want to breath

I was broken

Angry

Afraid

More than a dozen times I have remembered him

Annually, monthly, weekly

But it gets better

The pain of loss isn't as sharp as it was

But I fear won't dull any more past this point

I have grasped my strength

I have remembered my joy

I live, so he lives

I love because it is a privilege to do so

I will not forget because I am his Mother

Until we meet forever,

-sj
In Remembrance of Elan Micheal Howard
Buried on 9/11


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

JUST SAY .... YES

By -
 JUST SAY....YES 26+ years ago, a note, wrapped up in a few dollar bills, was passed to me at one of my then favorite restaurants, the Pasta House Company in St. Louis. I thought the request odd, but really didn't give it much thought and continued with my dinner. My companion and I laughed, talked, observed like people do when they are in love.  As time went on, I began to get fidgety because I just knew there was going to be a proposal by the end of the night. My companion, friend, boyfriend and soon to be husband had me pegged! He knew how insatiable my curiosity could be; how impatient I was and how I lived on everything matching 'my' expectations. He smiled. Toying around like a cat playing with his food. By the end of our meal I was puzzled, under -whelmed and ready to go home. My mother was babysitting our daughter and there was a strict timeline involved. By the time the cheque came, I wouldn't hold in my flustered thoughts, I asked "don't you have some...
Read more

Just A Thought

By -
Fall is so beautiful. It's almost as if we get permission to wonder at all of nature's glory that GOD created. The leaves are turning, delicious seasonal foods and beverages are being offered; it's the calm before the storm called the winter holidays. This year I have purposed to get closer to the meanings of the holidays by deleting some of our family traditions that don't add to the experience. By adding I mean creating lasting memories. For instance our kids, yours probably too, don't remember what they got last Christmas or the Christmas before that. They do, however, remember the tree and decorations, yummy food and new stuff.  And there it is! It comes down to stuff. All the time I spent in the store, carefully going over their lists and trying to match them to my budget. Substituting this for that, waiting for that to go on sale, following the ads to see who had the cheaper 'stuff'. REALLY??? Is that what Christ died for us to have? No - He said He ...
Read more

Loops...Loops & More Looops

By -
Image
  Our youngest son, Nathan, had a set of health challenges recently. For those of you who are new to my blog...this is an ungoing thing. He was born in kidney failure and we were advised to abort him because he would be "deformed". SO WHAT; we would have been missed a beautiful journey that is far from over. Which is why I will never condone abortion! It robs, destroys and adds nothing but death and regret. I digress.  In this (the) latest chapter, Nate's stoma  https://www.columbiaurology.org/mitrofanoff  decided it had had enough. It would not yield any product no matter how much we tried. This lead to: 2 E.R. visits; one office visit and multiple phone calls. He was struggling to void and I knew this couldn't go on or other organs could get damaged.  A smaller catheter was placed and left in for 5 days. Needless to say he was not a happy camper. He didn't want to go anywhere because he was tethered to a drain bag. I completely understand. He is a teen an...
Read more